Anonymous wrote:I am still trying to process it all. It happened so quickly. He went from meeting us for holiday shopping to an alternative reality in a month. The delusions and paranoia my dad experienced were so intense and pervasive. The repeated calls trying to solve problems that didn't exist. I hate that his last few months were spent chasing a reason for his sudden onset of dementia, that we didn't get to come to terms with it. It was so hard trying to love my father through the frustration of the anxiety and paranoia. But maybe it was a blessing that when it came time to say goodbye we knew that his old life didn't exist any more.

That is so sad. I wish you peace and comfort. For others reading this who may see sudden declines in a loved one, it's worth checking for a UTI, which can cause major cognitive changes in seniors. Not saying that's what happened to PP's father, but a general note of something to rule out.

My Mom had behavioral variant FTD. The worst part was she physically and emotionally abusing my Dad because of paranoia. But her memory was on the normal age related decline, so no one believed us—even the experts. So frustrating that medical professionals were suggesting marriage counseling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am still trying to process it all. It happened so quickly. He went from meeting us for holiday shopping to an alternative reality in a month. The delusions and paranoia my dad experienced were so intense and pervasive. The repeated calls trying to solve problems that didn't exist. I hate that his last few months were spent chasing a reason for his sudden onset of dementia, that we didn't get to come to terms with it. It was so hard trying to love my father through the frustration of the anxiety and paranoia. But maybe it was a blessing that when it came time to say goodbye we knew that his old life didn't exist any more.

Have they ruled out infection like tick etc, stds, inflammation of the brain? That sudden onset is often infectious or viral. I’d find an infectious disease neurologist or dr pronto.

I am going to ask some questions that are not meant to offend. How often did you see him prior to his decline? In my family everyone would tell you dad's decline was sudden. I saw it over 10 years. I saw him often. Now mom lived with him and went into total denial and every time I pointed out concerns she gaslit me. My siblings insisted he was fine whenever they visited and just showed a little normal aging. I don't mean to imply you are in denial. There can be sudden drastic changes with some neurological issues, but just wondering if it's that or if you experienced cognitive dissonance every time you saw something off and convinced yourself he was fine and then suddenly it was so obvious you could not do that anymore.

Anonymous wrote:I am still trying to process it all. It happened so quickly. He went from meeting us for holiday shopping to an alternative reality in a month. The delusions and paranoia my dad experienced were so intense and pervasive. The repeated calls trying to solve problems that didn't exist. I hate that his last few months were spent chasing a reason for his sudden onset of dementia, that we didn't get to come to terms with it. It was so hard trying to love my father through the frustration of the anxiety and paranoia. But maybe it was a blessing that when it came time to say goodbye we knew that his old life didn't exist any more.

Have they ruled out infection like tick etc, stds, inflammation of the brain? That sudden onset is often infectious or viral. I’d find an infectious disease neurologist or dr pronto.

I am still trying to process it all. It happened so quickly. He went from meeting us for holiday shopping to an alternative reality in a month. The delusions and paranoia my dad experienced were so intense and pervasive. The repeated calls trying to solve problems that didn't exist. I hate that his last few months were spent chasing a reason for his sudden onset of dementia, that we didn't get to come to terms with it. It was so hard trying to love my father through the frustration of the anxiety and paranoia. But maybe it was a blessing that when it came time to say goodbye we knew that his old life didn't exist any more.

DH has Parkinson's with cognitive and memory issues aka dementia. What I notice that is different are the following: anxiety, depression off and on, extreme short term memory loss of a lot, struggling with words, lack of emphathy, self -centeredness since he has to always be thinking about everything to remember it and short tempered at times.

Anonymous wrote:In our case worsening of worst qualities and loss of any positive qualities. It has crossed the line into abusive behavior. I have an enormous amount of stress in my life and dealing with an entitled, volatile, combative and angry person who has lost any sense of empathy and can only be nice for brief periods of time before the anger hits like a tidal wave....has been my worst nightmare.

I am going through this with my mom and it is difficult. Part of the problem is that she's a manipulative person and sometimes I can't always tell if it is an act.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, op. For me, my loved one with dementia was always fairly anxious and paranoid, so that hasn't been as big a change (for better or worse). But it's hard to take on a more caretaker role with someone who was always able to take care of herself. It has been hard for our family to coordinate how to meet her needs when all the adults have full time jobs and other commitments. And it is sad to see her confused and not sure who we are or what's going on in her life and ours, and unable to do stuff she used to enjoy (play piano, mah jong, read). Dementia really sucks.

So sorry. When you say caretaker, is that in her house? I am struggling with living really far away from home, so I wouldn’t be able to be present day to day. This adds to my feelings of guilt. I also really miss the old her. What a great mom she’s been, what an amazing grandmother to my kids.

I am so sorry. It's my grandmother, and her adult children handle most things, including arrangements for aides. I visit several times a year, do research on various topics (memory care facilities, hospice, different meds), and have a set time to call her weekly. When I visit it's very different from spending time with her used to be --it's all about doing things that make her comfortable, running errands for her, adapting to her emotional state and meeting her needs...so probably how she felt about visiting me when I was little! It's not always fun, but I feel glad to do it..it helps that I am not the on-call person the vast majority of the time so avoid burnout. Op, I am glad you have a great mom and great memories of her, even though I understand how it could make things extra painful now.

Well they don't know me anymore. It is what it is.

In our case worsening of worst qualities and loss of any positive qualities. It has crossed the line into abusive behavior. I have an enormous amount of stress in my life and dealing with an entitled, volatile, combative and angry person who has lost any sense of empathy and can only be nice for brief periods of time before the anger hits like a tidal wave....has been my worst nightmare.

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, op. For me, my loved one with dementia was always fairly anxious and paranoid, so that hasn't been as big a change (for better or worse). But it's hard to take on a more caretaker role with someone who was always able to take care of herself. It has been hard for our family to coordinate how to meet her needs when all the adults have full time jobs and other commitments. And it is sad to see her confused and not sure who we are or what's going on in her life and ours, and unable to do stuff she used to enjoy (play piano, mah jong, read). Dementia really sucks.

So sorry. When you say caretaker, is that in her house? I am struggling with living really far away from home, so I wouldn’t be able to be present day to day. This adds to my feelings of guilt. I also really miss the old her. What a great mom she’s been, what an amazing grandmother to my kids.

I am sorry, op. For me, my loved one with dementia was always fairly anxious and paranoid, so that hasn't been as big a change (for better or worse). But it's hard to take on a more caretaker role with someone who was always able to take care of herself. It has been hard for our family to coordinate how to meet her needs when all the adults have full time jobs and other commitments. And it is sad to see her confused and not sure who we are or what's going on in her life and ours, and unable to do stuff she used to enjoy (play piano, mah jong, read). Dementia really sucks.

What has been the hardest aspect of this disease in your loved ones? Was it changes in personality rather than the forgetfulness? The anger, selfishness, paranoia etc.? To me l, seeing a loving, caring sweet person turn difficult has been the hardest aspect and I feel immense loss of love and companionship.