You don’t plan an international trip via text. Send an email.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This kind of thing definitely happens if you are in the zone during a busy period at work. If it slips in the near term, you'll forget and won't address it until you can catch your breath because you are inundated with other things.

And the times she takes days to respond but it’s not because of work? Or what about the weekends when she isn’t working?

Look, some people are just bad at texting. Multiple people here have told you why that might be the case. I don’t think it makes someone a bad person, but you seem committed to believing that. In that case, maybe just let this friend go. I am a person who sometimes responds belatedly and certainly don’t need my friends to be secretly judging me for it.

THIS.

To the OP, if you place your personal idea of texting "requirements" ahead of your history with this friend, then you really aren't her friend.

You sound more invested in feeling hurt and insulted than in her as your friend. If my friend didn't respond for a long time I would wonder if she was OK, or if work was tough (your friend's actual case!), or if I had missed a text or whatever. The first thought would not be that she was rude or ignoring me. If you needed a response by a certain deadline for this trip planning, well, you can phone her. Actual phone calls are still a thing, as your friend clearly knows. She did the right thing to phone you and apologize and explain.

I think it’s reasonable. It’s not like you asked for a recipe that would take 30 seconds to respond to. Planning a trip and deciding whether or not you can go takes some thought.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This kind of thing definitely happens if you are in the zone during a busy period at work. If it slips in the near term, you'll forget and won't address it until you can catch your breath because you are inundated with other things.

And the times she takes days to respond but it’s not because of work? Or what about the weekends when she isn’t working?

Do you think people’s lives are only filled with work? If I’m in a busy or weird scheduled period with work, my non work time usually fills up with lots of things, plus I’m tired, need to decompress, see my family, etc.

You *know* she’s this way, so I don’t know why you’re screaming into the wind about her being something different.

The fact that she called and apologize lets her off the hook.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This kind of thing definitely happens if you are in the zone during a busy period at work. If it slips in the near term, you'll forget and won't address it until you can catch your breath because you are inundated with other things.

And the times she takes days to respond but it’s not because of work? Or what about the weekends when she isn’t working?

Look, some people are just bad at texting. Multiple people here have told you why that might be the case. I don’t think it makes someone a bad person, but you seem committed to believing that. In that case, maybe just let this friend go. I am a person who sometimes responds belatedly and certainly don’t need my friends to be secretly judging me for it.

This is me. I’m also 33. It really, really isn’t personal. I honestly hate texting because I find it really hard to be dipping in and out of the conversation all day long. Especially when I’m busy, I find it distracting. On the other hand, I don’t usually have time to sit down and have an actual back and forth for an extended period. And when I have a moment to catch my breath, there’s always something else that also needs to get done. I work full time and have two kids. So yes, sometimes texts from my friends do sit for a few days unanswered.

Yes, you are overreacting because she called you and acknowledged and apologized. She is also willing to go on an international trip with you for your birthday.

The people who never respond without any acknowledgement are the worst.

OP, inviting someone on an overseas trip is a lot. It sounds fun, but it’s going to be a huge investment of time and money. There are a lot of ways it can go bad - what if you disagree about how much to spend on what? What to do? Does she have to do what you want because it’s your “birthday trip?” It’s hard enough to travel with family.

So she’s probably not responding because she was genuinely enthusiastic about the idea of spending time with you but actually thinking about the details is making her back off because in the end, it’s not a good idea.

I'm like your friend, and it's a combination of introversion and adhd. When I'm not out socializing, it's like the interaction part of my brain shuts down. I respond to urgent messages, just like she did, but anything that can wait til our next hangout will wait. It's not personal, and my remaining friends totally understand that, but I say remaining because I have lost some because of it. But no matter how many times I resolve to be better about responding, it's like I just physically CANNOT.

Anonymous wrote:This kind of thing definitely happens if you are in the zone during a busy period at work. If it slips in the near term, you'll forget and won't address it until you can catch your breath because you are inundated with other things.

And the times she takes days to respond but it’s not because of work? Or what about the weekends when she isn’t working?

I am that person as well. If it's time sensitive I respond quickly, but I do miss some texts. My friends miss texts too. I sometimes wonder if some don't actually arrive, so if it's REALLY important, I call.

This kind of thing definitely happens if you are in the zone during a busy period at work. If it slips in the near term, you'll forget and won't address it until you can catch your breath because you are inundated with other things.

I am that person. I am not on social media and I do not check texts, emails and voice mails promptly. I will get to it in a week or 10 days etc.

If you want to get hold of me, call me on phone. If not, call my DH because he walks around with his phone.

If I don't pick the phone, call me several times at different time.

My friend is admittedly a horrible texter; she usually takes a few days to respond back me. Last week we were texting about my birthday and I told her I wanted to go out of the country for my birthday and asked if she wanted to go and she responded quickly with “yes!”and asked tor the dates. I told her and then crickets.

She called me today on FaceTime and apologized saying she’s been so busy with work and has 12 hour work days the past 2 weeks but wanted to call me because she didn’t want me to think I was being ignored.

I know people get busy but a week to address a text? Am I overreacting for thinking this is really messed up? She’s 33 and I’m 31 by the way.