Anonymous wrote:Statistically, your father will probably develop a relationship within someone relatively quickly. I know it's a difficult thought when you've so recently lost your mom, but it is the truth.

This may be a great blessing for you. If the woman is a decent person and lives there locally, she may have an extended family who may take your father under their wings and keep an eye on him.

Yes, he may meet a woman. I highly doubt her adult children will be looking to take on more eldercare duties for anyone but their own mother especially when the man has an adult child who is living. Most of us adult children are burned out from just parents and inlaws. I would make sure you have an eldercare service you can hire when relatives get sick of catering to him, but the ideal would be for him to move to a place where it is all right there.

If he's still working he should still be able to hire Uber and hire an aide if needed. If he is too stubborn to do so, but cognitively all there, then he is an adult making his own decisions. If his only soultion is you drop everything, you figure our your boundaries and set them.

I have offered to fly my father to my home for medical treatments. Can’t get any better than Hopkins. He lives in a small apartment far away and it’s not practical for me to go there (kids, work, etc.). He has also gone to other relatives homes and had procedures done so they could drive him home. It’s the price he pays for living away from family.

To the people suggesting Uber home from medical procedures: Make sure that the physician's office allows that. Several of mine insist that patients be taken home by a responsible adult. Around here, there are services that provide accompaniment home from procedures that required anesthesia. I don't know if that's true of wherever OP's father is.

Statistically, your father will probably develop a relationship within someone relatively quickly. I know it's a difficult thought when you've so recently lost your mom, but it is the truth.

This may be a great blessing for you. If the woman is a decent person and lives there locally, she may have an extended family who may take your father under their wings and keep an eye on him.

Check this thread for some ideas: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1112620.page

Using the business bookkeeper to pay the bill is a great idea.

Many uber home from doctor appointments.

One more thing, there are even services to do all bill paying, but auto pay isn't that hard to set up. He will push about against outsiders helping him, but you need to train him NOT to accept that. Let's say he needs cataract surgery which is no big deal. I would travel there if you can, but hire an aide for the day just so he starts to get used to someone in the house. It may seem like a waste of money (because you really just need a driver), but it's practice and it forces him to adjust to not expecting you at the drop of the hat.

Let's say one day he needs knee surgery. Recovery varies so much. He may need a PT visiting the home and a person to drive him for a while and an aide and meals prepared. If you have him used to hired help, you just visit and make sure he is OK and make a favorite meal and keep him happy without burning out playing nursemaid, chef, etc.

I would find a service that provides everything-aides when needed, drivers, etc. There are elder care services like this. Vet them first. If they are anti-assisted living run! It's helpful when the parent is independent, but may have emergency when you cannot be there. Eventually they really need to be a facility and the last thing you know is a place that uses scare tactics so you keep using their people. They contract with all sorts of services, but when you need them daily, there are no shows and endless problems. If you just need someone to check in on dad and make sure he is OK, drive him now and then, provide an aide when he is healing from surgery, etc this is ideal.

It will also help prevent fighting and estrangements. If he stays healthy and independent until the day he dies you are so lucky. The more emergencies, surgeries, decline, etc that require siblings coordinating over many years the more chance of the family imploding. If you have a service that can be there if you have your own obligation and Sally won't do it for whatever reason and John's wife is ill then you know dad is cared for and you make it there to visit when you can. You can enjoy visits more when there is a trained professional to deal with the other stuff.

The usual - power of attorney, where is his will, have him make a passowrd-protected doc with a list of all his accounts and log-ins and passwords that would need to be closed/stopped when he dies.

He should also have a medical resume - everything he's allergic to, all medication he takes, all his drs, etc.

He can take Uber to get home from a procedure. My dad is across the country and has done that no problem.

My mother died recently. The last several years have been focused on her health problems and now that she has passed, my siblings and I are starting to realize we are in a new phase of figuring out how to support my father.

My parents steadfastly refused to move (a 7 hour drive from the nearest child, in a large not accessible home) and it looks like my father will continue in that vein. He has enough money to do so. My father is late 70s, still works full time for his own business, and is in relatively good health (some conditions but nothing acute). He has some social network but nothing like a close relative in town.

So, what do I need to be thinking about in the short term? Here's an example: it occurred to me today that if my father is having a routine test that requires someone to drive him home, one of us may need to travel to be there. Or another example: I've learned that my mother did all the bill paying so we're working on setting up autopay and using his business's bookkeeper to keep track.

What else is there - either needs/problems to foresee or things I should be lining up?