Anonymous wrote:What is your role in their life?

If you are their adult child left to pick up the pieces and they do not acknowledge their own role in their situation or the burden it places on you, it is okay to feel resentful.

Anything else, mind your own business and let it go.

Accurate. If it impacts you directly and their negligence has made something that would have been hard no matter what much more difficult.

But if it's just a person you know, it should honestly be easy to empathize. There are many reasons people avoid the doctor or avoid regular screenings and checkups. I think one thing that happens often is that people are afraid of getting bad news, so they avoid it, and then they worry about both getting bad news AND getting yelled at for waiting so long, and thus being to blame for whatever might be wrong. Also some people are simply not raised to go to the doctor or rely on the healthcare system -- it becomes a generational thing that is hard to break out of, especially if linked to poor finances.

Look, it's childish to do this but also -- people are childish in many ways, all the time. No one is perfect, and it's very likely there are aspects of your personality that are immature or underdeveloped, too. Having compassion for others is also a way of having compassion for yourself, because it's a reminder to yourself that even if you screw up, you are still a worthwhile human. When people are very judgmental, it's often a sign that they are convinced that if they were the one to mess up, there would be no forgiveness.

My mom never went for a physical, was shocked when i took her to a dentist at 79 and they cleaned her teeth, as she’d never had them cleaned before. She’s never had a colonoscopy or a mammogram and I seriously doubt she’s ever had a pap. Now that I moved her closer I have her set up with good doctors and I do what I can. You just do it, much like the rest of the care we have to give our elders. Man sometimes it really sucks and it’s super time consuming and they’re not nice and it’s thankless but we do what we have to do.

OP just cut them off, you don’t need to associate with lazy people.

I don't do some things. Why bother? The things I am concerned with the doctors will not help with so I've given up. Reality is if there is something they wouldn't catch it or do anything about it so I'm better off not knowing.

Anonymous wrote:My MIL has never had a mammogram, colonoscopy or bone density test even though we have encouraged her to do so. It blows my mind. You can lead a horse to water.... but in the end we'll be dealing with a sick horse.

Eh, you never know. My SIL died at 59, within 3 weeks of being diagnosed with 3rd stage cancer. Her MIL (my motherJ survived 4th stage cancer at 80 a few months ago. And she fought fearful for months.

Who will go, when and how, it’s not known.

Stop judging op.

My parents do not take care of their health and may die soon, which is devestating. I think about how they were born in the 40s/50s, in large impoverished families, and what it must have been like to get those first real paychecks and be able to buy whatever crappy foods they wanted. I think about how they were working class young adults in the 70s but are miraculously not smokers. I think about how they were both traumatized at home, and self-medicate with food (mom) and alcohol (dad). I think about how busy they were throughout my childhood, providing for me and making my life better by working nights (mom) and DIYing on the weekends (dad) and volunteering in my youth groups (both) rather than creating fitness and dietary regimes for themselves. I think about how hard it is to change 40 or 50 years of habits once they've gotten really bad.

And, because I'm petty, I think about how annoying it is when my healthy fit relatives go on about their diet and supplements. My parents are unhealthy, but they are fun and they have hobbies.

My parents are 70 and in the past 20 years, haven't had any cancer screenings, colonoscopies, mammograms, etc. My mother hasn't gone to the GYN in 30 years. They do take care of their teeth and my mother's osteoporosis, so I can't complain.

Anonymous wrote:By not being a judgmental ass.

This.

Anonymous wrote:What is your role in their life?

If you are their adult child left to pick up the pieces and they do not acknowledge their own role in their situation or the burden it places on you, it is okay to feel resentful.

Anything else, mind your own business and let it go.

+1

What is your role in their life?

If you are their adult child left to pick up the pieces and they do not acknowledge their own role in their situation or the burden it places on you, it is okay to feel resentful.

Anything else, mind your own business and let it go.

By not being a judgmental ass.

My MIL has never had a mammogram, colonoscopy or bone density test even though we have encouraged her to do so. It blows my mind. You can lead a horse to water.... but in the end we'll be dealing with a sick horse.

I try to treat everyone like a human being who deserves compassion, even if they didn’t live The Right Way.

Elderly that didn’t take care of themselves and neglected their health….how to mentally deal with thus