Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'm not tithing to a church that tells me a that a significant portion of my life is a sin, especially when other churches are welcoming

Let's take the $$$ out of it.

If a religious leader in your current church were to challenge some significant aspect of your life, and had a good explanation for why, would you listen and consider what they're saying? He or she will be fine if you withhold tithing while you do your thinking.

Or would you just head straight for the door?

Not pp, but I suppose it would depend on whether it was something that I could at least somewhat control. My sex, gender, skin color, place of birth? No, I'm not going to stay if you tell me those were unwelcome characteristics or having them made me a bad person.

My actions? I hope I would pause long enough to consider what they are saying.

Having wrestled with some questions, for me personally, a church that tells me I'm a bad person for donating to Planned Parenthood and supporting women who want help would probably not be a place where I could be comfortable. A church that advises against premarital sex, maybe I'll stay and listen. There are thoughtful arguments to be made for and against. But if they kick out or shun anyone who has sex before marriage, I don't think I'll stay.

I also have trouble staying in a church where many people disagree with the teachings but stay anyway. I get it, too, because I've been tempted to overlook some aspect of the teaching because I love the music and ritual. But ultimately it felt morality inconsistent enough to make me feel uncomfortable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'm not tithing to a church that tells me a that a significant portion of my life is a sin, especially when other churches are welcoming

Let's take the $$$ out of it.

If a religious leader in your current church were to challenge some significant aspect of your life, and had a good explanation for why, would you listen and consider what they're saying? He or she will be fine if you withhold tithing while you do your thinking.

Or would you just head straight for the door?

If other mainstream denominations are welcoming and accepting of that aspect and if that church considers it a sin, I'm gone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I wouldn’t. I actually have problems with the Union for Reform Judaism right now but we originally went there because my dad’s side of the family is not Jewish and I wanted them to be welcome for milestones too.

Wouldn't "listen and consider," or wouldn't "head straight for the door"? (Sorry for phrasing the question badly!)

I wouldn’t go to the specific house of worship.

Anonymous wrote:No, I wouldn’t. I actually have problems with the Union for Reform Judaism right now but we originally went there because my dad’s side of the family is not Jewish and I wanted them to be welcome for milestones too.

Wouldn't "listen and consider," or wouldn't "head straight for the door"? (Sorry for phrasing the question badly!)

No, I wouldn’t. I actually have problems with the Union for Reform Judaism right now but we originally went there because my dad’s side of the family is not Jewish and I wanted them to be welcome for milestones too.

Anonymous wrote:
I'm not tithing to a church that tells me a that a significant portion of my life is a sin, especially when other churches are welcoming

Let's take the $$$ out of it.

If a religious leader in your current church were to challenge some significant aspect of your life, and had a good explanation for why, would you listen and consider what they're saying? He or she will be fine if you withhold tithing while you do your thinking.

Or would you just head straight for the door?

Anonymous wrote:Interesting question. I do want a church that challenges me to reexamine my beliefs (and my life, for that matter). To me, that's what a church is for -- if I just want to be told I'm perfect and wonderful, I can call my mom.

So I guess the question is, if a church leader tells me "You're wrong to do X, or to believe Y," my question would be "Well, why? Where does that come from?" It's at least possible that they're right and I'm wrong -- not certain, of course, but possible. So I should at least give it some thought and research.

Then again, to be honest, sometimes if somebody were to tell me "You're wrong to do X," my answer would have to be "Yeah, I know."

I'm not tithing to a church that tells me a that a significant portion of my life is a sin, especially when other churches are welcoming

I think that is a good post. Churches don’t exist to tell us we are perfect. They exist for Christians to worship God. There are different kinds of churches with different beliefs. I would not attend a church that has beliefs I do not agree with. I don’t know why anyone would, as it’s possible to find a different church that is a good fit for me and my family.

If you don’t like or agree with the church you currently attend, look for a different church.

Interesting question. I do want a church that challenges me to reexamine my beliefs (and my life, for that matter). To me, that's what a church is for -- if I just want to be told I'm perfect and wonderful, I can call my mom.

So I guess the question is, if a church leader tells me "You're wrong to do X, or to believe Y," my question would be "Well, why? Where does that come from?" It's at least possible that they're right and I'm wrong -- not certain, of course, but possible. So I should at least give it some thought and research.

Then again, to be honest, sometimes if somebody were to tell me "You're wrong to do X," my answer would have to be "Yeah, I know."

Nope.

Anonymous wrote:…you knew you wouldn't be welcome if leadership knew you were gay, Republican, divorced, whatever? Being vague on purpose because I'm curious in general how people would react, not about our specific situation.

Probably not unless I had a long history there and many solid relationships before my identity became an issue (eg divorced). I am not even gay but converted from religion of upbringing to attend a church where gays/ bis/ gender fluid people are fully accepted and both gays and women are leaders at highest levels of the church. So I would not attend a church where GTBLQ people are not fully included. What if you children turn out to be gay or bi - I would like them treated with respect/ kindness.

It is hard to imagine that political affiliation with a mainstream party would ever be an issue in DMV - most churches probably want to keep things bipartisan. But maybe that has changed in recent year with extremist polarity? Jesus did say to render into Caesar that which is Caesar’s (taxes) and to render unto to God that which is God’s (worship, love and praise) - I hope most churches in our area do that but maybe not?

Anonymous wrote:No. I'm not volunteering and donating to an organization that doesn't accept me

+1
And if a church would not welcome you, that's not a good church. YOU might feel unwelcome if you're different in some significant way from the congregation in general or your values are really different, but the church itself shouldn't explicitly reject you.

No way.

No. I'm not volunteering and donating to an organization that doesn't accept me

…you knew you wouldn't be welcome if leadership knew you were gay, Republican, divorced, whatever? Being vague on purpose because I'm curious in general how people would react, not about our specific situation.