Hmmm. My thoughts are hopefully you got all you were supposed to get for 18 years. Then kids should leave the nest with no expectation to see them often as they have a life to create on their own now.

It will come all back around when they have kids, or at least that’s what I’m telling myself!

Yes. As parents it’s our duty to put energy into our children. Not the reverse.

The purpose of all of the work is not the few years/few days a year at the end; it's the experience of the work itself.

OP here - they live 120 miles away so drivable.
We have plenty of hobbies. I was just struck by the fact that we did all that for them so they could launch effectively, and I seem to be surprised that they did.
They all prefer their own homes and I get that. Coming home for them isn't as fun as it used to be I think.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why just a few times? Go to them. Make sure they aren't always having to come to you. Travel some weekends and have a meal or two with them. Stay in a hotel.

What if you can't afford flights and hotels?

Or if they don’t want you showing up every other month? Better to embrace the new phase of your life by developing your own friends, interests, hobbies. Anything you had to put down or didn’t have time for when you were in the thick of it, now’s the time. Anything you thought, that sounds interesting, try it. Take a class, read (or write!) a book, there’s so much out there to explore. Bonus, it will make your time with your kids more interesting for you both.

How old are your kids? I saw my parents at best once a year when I was in my 20s. Now in my 30s I see them a lot more -- they're retired and I have little kids which for some reason makes the relationship closer.

Anonymous wrote:Why just a few times? Go to them. Make sure they aren't always having to come to you. Travel some weekends and have a meal or two with them. Stay in a hotel.

What if you can't afford flights and hotels?

Yes, it's strange, but there are seasons to life. It can be hard to pivot after years of be focused so much on raising children, but it's also an opportunity to invest in other things. Volunteering, making art, building community, reconnecting with your spouse, going back to school, working on your mental health, etc.

Also, if you are still in the thick of it, something to remember is that this is one reason why it is okay sometimes to prioritize your family's current experience over optimizing future outcomes. It's okay to skip summer enrichment to go on that epic family vacation, to dial back activities to have more family dinners together, etc. Because once they are gone, they are gone. Even if you have a great relationship with them and see them regularly, they will never again live in your home, sharing one another lives. So make the most of it and enjoy it for its own sake. Don't just worry about getting them into college and making sure they can buy a house and steering them towards decisions you think will set them up for success later. Enjoy the here and now. It really will be gone before you know it.

Anonymous wrote:Why just a few times? Go to them. Make sure they aren't always having to come to you. Travel some weekends and have a meal or two with them. Stay in a hotel.

we just got back from visiting them today!

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the thick of one of the harder part of parenting (under 4 years old) and I so envy you, OP. Just being honest

Naturally, since you haven't gotten to the good part yet.
DP

I'm in the thick of one of the harder part of parenting (under 4 years old) and I so envy you, OP. Just being honest

Why just a few times? Go to them. Make sure they aren't always having to come to you. Travel some weekends and have a meal or two with them. Stay in a hotel.

Just because you accept the reality, it doesn't mean you can't analyze it or feel emptiness where you held them. Hugs! You did a good job making them independent. You can go hug your mom (if she is alive).

Gave birth, wiped butts a thousand times, got up at all hours, dr visits, good schools, activities, nightly bedtime routines, braces, college - all that effort to see them a few times a year as adults. It’s what supposed to happen but I’m stuck by the feeling of loss associated with it.