Anonymous wrote:I’m married and my and my husband’s parents have never met. I’d like to keep it that way! (They are just so different - it would make me uncomfortable.)

I hear you. Its daunting for all parties involved but girl is under most pressure. Would you like to keep it that way with your kid's in-laws?

My two sets of grandparents had already known each other.

Anonymous wrote:I’m married and my and my husband’s parents have never met. I’d like to keep it that way! (They are just so different - it would make me uncomfortable.)

Did either set attend your wedding?

pp, I think you are a true outliner!

I’m married and my and my husband’s parents have never met. I’d like to keep it that way! (They are just so different - it would make me uncomfortable.)

Our parents met after we got engaged. Then at the wedding. They rarely saw each other until we had kids and now they’re at major kid events (concerts, birthdays, graduations)

Your adult children decide this. If the relationship is serious, you hope to meet. Once we are traveling and would be close by, asked if she thought meeting was a good idea. It was a several week 800 mile road trip and were going to pass within 20 miles of the other parents - DD didn't suggest we make the effort to meet. It felt very weird not to, considering DD had been hosted by them many times. It seemed these parents were special in her life. I almost just wanted to thank them in person. Or leave a bouquet of flowers, even if without meeting, something. But we of course honored DD wishes to not do anything. It did turn out, later, that this was not the guy she married.

My parents didn't meet my boyfriend's parents until after we were engaged. They live on different sides of the country and neither DH nor I felt any need for "approval" from them.

Thank you everyone for giving helpful advice and insight to navigate an uncharted territory.

My parents were immigrants, so I understand that you would be wondering about what the customs and rules are here. You want to do the best you can for your adult children by starting off on the right note with the parents of their prospective partner. And there were certainly unwritten rules among at least some social classes in the US even in the late 20th Century. But much has changed since then -- for the better in my view -- and the main consideration now is simply to be friendly and welcoming and mindful of following your children's lead. I hope this is helpful advice.

DH and I met in college. Our parents met briefly at our graduation (we’d been dating for a few years), then didn’t see each other again until 3 years later when we got engaged and invited all the parents to get lunch.

If the sets of parents live in different places, I’d say it’s not uncommon for them to never meet until a bridal shower or the wedding itself.

Anonymous wrote:When the couple determines it is the right time. Not up to you. If you are invited, accept the invitation and be pleasant. Ask questions, be prepared to talk a bit about yourself and your family. Do NOT bring up politics, religion, or complex social issues; if those topics are brought up by others, do not engage—turn the conversation to other topics.

+1

When the couple determines it is the right time. Not up to you. If you are invited, accept the invitation and be pleasant. Ask questions, be prepared to talk a bit about yourself and your family. Do NOT bring up politics, religion, or complex social issues; if those topics are brought up by others, do not engage—turn the conversation to other topics.

When your children set it up and invite you.

When is it appropriate meet your son or daughter's girlfriend or boyfriend's family? Are there any special etiquettes? I grew up elsewhere and not familiar with how this phase of parenthood works here.