Anonymous wrote:You have to realize that your life does not actually require that income. If you don't believe it, create an artificial experiment and live on your alternative salary for a year while socking away the rest in investments. You may be surprised.

Also, when you look at salaries for in house positions, what you don't see are the bonuses and value of stock options and that you aren't paying self-employment and benefits. In house, we have a base salary in the 300 range, but pay taxes on over 800. That may sound like 'not enough' to you, but we have kids full pay in private schools and colleges too. We have more than anyone needs. If you cannot accept that as truth, then the problem is your relationship with money, not your golden handcuffs. You hold the key to those cuffs.

That's not even remotely close to typical in-house comp.

Figure out how to reduce your fixed expenses. DH and I both started biglaw at the same time but we bought an inexpensive house, boring cars, just did our best to keep our expenses in a range that let either of us quit or get fired. And ironically I think that kept our mental health in check sufficiently to actually stick it out until promotion.

A lot of biglaw partners tells themselves they’ll retire at 50 after saving up enough to be comfortable. Then 50 rolls around and they are hooked on the cash and they decide they can hang in there a few more years. Then they get upset when their firms start forcing them out at around age 60.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tuition?

Most of us have kids in private school.

Okay? That is your entirely your choice.

You all are stating the obvious. The OP is asking for advice about “uncuffing”. Thank you!

Signed,

A government attorney who has never worked in big law but has her kids in private school too

One way to “uncuff” would be to put her children in public school.

You have to realize that your life does not actually require that income. If you don't believe it, create an artificial experiment and live on your alternative salary for a year while socking away the rest in investments. You may be surprised.

Also, when you look at salaries for in house positions, what you don't see are the bonuses and value of stock options and that you aren't paying self-employment and benefits. In house, we have a base salary in the 300 range, but pay taxes on over 800. That may sound like 'not enough' to you, but we have kids full pay in private schools and colleges too. We have more than anyone needs. If you cannot accept that as truth, then the problem is your relationship with money, not your golden handcuffs. You hold the key to those cuffs.

Anonymous wrote:What happens when you work in biglaw, make a good salary, and truly hate your job? To the point of waking up feeling nauseated? Working all the time and wondering - for what?? But kids, mortgage, tuition, on and on - require that income?

HOW

You start cutting back on your fixed expenses.
Every bonus goes to reducing a fixed expense. This year bonus - make a huge payment against your mortgage.
Move your kids to public or private catholic instead of $50K / year school

I assume your spouse / partner does not work due to supporting your career? Maybe time to as a family reflect on what changes need to happen including spouse entering workforce to support a transition.

Also think about what it is that you hate about it? The hours, the people, the firm culture. Not all are equal and there are some things you can control. But you need to find space for a path forward.
My DH went and did a Transcendental Meditation Program and meditation is now a big part of his daily life. He is much happier with his job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tuition?

Most of us have kids in private school.

Okay? That is your entirely your choice.

You all are stating the obvious. The OP is asking for advice about “uncuffing”. Thank you!

Signed,

A government attorney who has never worked in big law but has her kids in private school too

Just think that you could be diagnosed with cancer or have a heart attack tomorrow. Because you could. Then make decisions based on that.

Well, my spouse was fed up, jumped ship to a client (for same money as their non-equity partnership paid) and then that client exploded, so they had to scramble to find something that now pays half. Still has business development, still works a lot of hours (sometimes more) only to make about half of what they used to. So consider very carefully how much you think the grass is greener.

It’s a trap. Move to the exurbs to a decent public school area and escape.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tuition?

Most of us have kids in private school.

Okay? That is your entirely your choice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tuition?

Most of us have kids in private school.

That’s a choice, as is your choice to remain in biglaw.

Anonymous wrote:Tuition?

Most of us have kids in private school.

Tuition?

What happens when you work in biglaw, make a good salary, and truly hate your job? To the point of waking up feeling nauseated? Working all the time and wondering - for what?? But kids, mortgage, tuition, on and on - require that income?

HOW