Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Watch lots of Dr. Ramani vids on YT.

No way, I've met her and she is a classic narcissist.

Lol, doesn’t surprise me at all! I swear I feel the projection in her thumbnails. She’s winning the narc algo, for sure!

I doubt there are many/any of YT who are NOT narcs. Not suggesting anyone date her, but you can learn about narcissism and dynamics from her vids.

My former colleague use to fish for compliments, show me her instagram photos for constant flattery compliments, or expressing fake insecurity so I would pump her up. I eventually wised up and did a slow fade. I do question if I attract people like this, or was it by chance because we were seated close together at work? Not sure, but so glad she’s out if my life she literally was a vapid life suck.

Yes. I am one. AMA.

Sometimes I wonder which of us is the narcissist as weird as that sounds. He’s constantly accusing me of being ungrateful but he has been incredibly abusive for years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Watch lots of Dr. Ramani vids on YT.

No way, I've met her and she is a classic narcissist.

Lol, doesn’t surprise me at all! I swear I feel the projection in her thumbnails. She’s winning the narc algo, for sure!

Internet literature says that "empaths" lure narcissists, and I can see how that would make sense. Empaths are freely emotional/intuitive, and narcs want what empaths have and what they give out to others.

However, what I have actually seen IRL is that people with trauma get with narcs. They may have poor boundaries, addictive behavior, codependence. Narcs might want the empaths, but it's these traumatized ones who will get drawn in and stay with them for years.

I had an NPD/BPD parent and have trauma/PTSD, but I have avoided partners who are narcissists. I can't take controlling personalities, at all. However, most of my partners have had trauma, complicating the relationships in various ways. But more than that -- I seem to be friends with a lot of victims. A disproportionate number of my friends got involved in abusive relationships with a narcissist.

I don't mean I made friends with people who said they were victims. I mean that I made friends when we were young and single, and they went on over the years to get into these relationships.

Anonymous wrote:Watch lots of Dr. Ramani vids on YT.

No way, I've met her and she is a classic narcissist.

Anonymous wrote:People who have suffered narcissistic abuse, especially in childhood at the hands of narcissistic parents, are drawn to narcissistic abuse in later life - if they date a partner who pushes the same buttons their parents did this feels familiar and comfortable and they often don’t have the healthy intimacy boundaries that would compel them to run away from a dating partner who exhibited narcissistic traits.

This is exactly correct. Same thing with physical abuse or alcoholism. Most people naturally gravitate towards the familiar. Children from abusive families need years of expert therapy. Otherwise, the cycle most often continues.

People who have suffered narcissistic abuse, especially in childhood at the hands of narcissistic parents, are drawn to narcissistic abuse in later life - if they date a partner who pushes the same buttons their parents did this feels familiar and comfortable and they often don’t have the healthy intimacy boundaries that would compel them to run away from a dating partner who exhibited narcissistic traits.

Watch lots of Dr. Ramani vids on YT.

The thing people often forget about a narcissist is how good it can feel when they shine their light on you. So some people are drawn to them because of their own unresolved narcissistic needs, I think. I kind of run the other way because it throws up red flags for me.

Anonymous wrote:This pertains across the board - not just family, not just jobs (bosses and coworkers) - but all around?

Thought it most appropriate that this is Off Topic, as it is not just one group of people.

If so, how and why and how does one change it?

You become adept at spotting narcs from a mile away and hastily go in the opposite direction.

Yes, if you grow up with a very narcissistic parent, you can unwittingly attract narcissists because you often have the precise codependencies a narcissist looks for. People with a narcissist parent also often have another parent who is codependent and enables/supports the narcissist. This parent sort of trains you to be an enabler and also the relationship dynamic modeled for you is one where one person serves and accommodates another, who is never grateful and believes themselves to be entitled to this deference.

No. The narcissists are experts at picking their targets. A person who is vulnerable may be susceptible to an opportunistic toxic narc, but it isn't their fault.

Lol, yes, perpetual victims.

This pertains across the board - not just family, not just jobs (bosses and coworkers) - but all around?

Thought it most appropriate that this is Off Topic, as it is not just one group of people.

If so, how and why and how does one change it?