Anonymous wrote:Move to a district with a GS school rating of 6 or below. I am not kidding. It's like "uptight lawyer" spray. They can't send their sweet babes to a school with The Poors, even though they are liberal in name too. Because to them, education is Very Important and Johnny is Very Intelligent.

Madison is a 6 on GS actually. I assume OP is on the Madison district.

Anonymous wrote:I like to rock the boat but also want everyone to like me.

What a narcissit.

I find people who characterize or conceive of themselves as too honest for other people to handle are often just idiot loudmouths.

Not sure what place would be a good fit for a personality like that.

I don't think OP expects everyone to like her. I think she probably wants some people to like her and not to rush to exclude her because she can be outspoken and opinionated at times.

That sort of stuff can just be the kiss of death in Vienna. It sounds like you either have no idea how quickly Vienna parents can ostracize someone who doesn't fit the mold or are one of those folks.

Anonymous wrote:Move to a district with a GS school rating of 6 or below. I am not kidding. It's like "uptight lawyer" spray. They can't send their sweet babes to a school with The Poors, even though they are liberal in name too. Because to them, education is Very Important and Johnny is Very Intelligent.

The main high school in Vienna is Madison, which is now a GS 6. You're going to need to come up with a different rule-of-thumb.

I like to rock the boat but also want everyone to like me.

What a narcissit.

I find people who characterize or conceive of themselves as too honest for other people to handle are often just idiot loudmouths.

Not sure what place would be a good fit for a personality like that.

Anonymous wrote:Vienna is the suburbs on steroids. There is an immense amount of pride in being "family-friendly," an intense focus on conventional youth activities like sports, band, and scouting, and a huge premium on being pleasant and "not rocking the boat" as opposed to being opinionated or unconventional.

It is just how Vienna rolls. If you're a traditional two-parent family, your kids are typical kids, and you have a high enough income to pursue things like travel teams and high-end vacations, it can be very reaffirming. But you have to expect other parents to watch over (and keep tabs on) your kids like hawks, and if you don't fit the mold you can quickly grow disaffected.

I'm not sure what you mean when you say you're not interested in "playing politics" with your neighbors, because in our experience people in Vienna deliberately avoided talking about politics or any issues of national or international significance whenever possible, because everyone is so interested in getting along. Maybe you meant things like PTA or school politics - which can be another competitive sport in Vienna.

We ended up moving for a better commute and because we weren't thrilled with the schools (Kilmer in particular was a mess at the time), but I totally get why you'd feel like a fish out of water there. We've lived in different places in the DC area over the years (NW DC, Arlington, Falls Church, and McLean) and all of them have felt less buttoned-down than Vienna.

+1

I think OP might be referring to playing up to the neighborhood Queen Bee, or similar. I think many grown, responsible, mature adults can agree there!

Move to a district with a GS school rating of 6 or below. I am not kidding. It's like "uptight lawyer" spray. They can't send their sweet babes to a school with The Poors, even though they are liberal in name too. Because to them, education is Very Important and Johnny is Very Intelligent.

Vienna is the suburbs on steroids. There is an immense amount of pride in being "family-friendly," an intense focus on conventional youth activities like sports, band, and scouting, and a huge premium on being pleasant and "not rocking the boat" as opposed to being opinionated or unconventional.

It is just how Vienna rolls. If you're a traditional two-parent family, your kids are typical kids, and you have a high enough income to pursue things like travel teams and high-end vacations, it can be very reaffirming. But you have to expect other parents to watch over (and keep tabs on) your kids like hawks, and if you don't fit the mold you can quickly grow disaffected.

I'm not sure what you mean when you say you're not interested in "playing politics" with your neighbors, because in our experience people in Vienna deliberately avoided talking about politics or any issues of national or international significance whenever possible, because everyone is so interested in getting along. Maybe you meant things like PTA or school politics - which can be another competitive sport in Vienna.

We ended up moving for a better commute and because we weren't thrilled with the schools (Kilmer in particular was a mess at the time), but I totally get why you'd feel like a fish out of water there. We've lived in different places in the DC area over the years (NW DC, Arlington, Falls Church, and McLean) and all of them have felt less buttoned-down than Vienna.

Where did you live in DC? What you've described is similar to many neighborhoods in upper NW.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a you problem. No one wants to be preached at or cursed at on a regular basis.

This. Also, you make a lot of assumptions about other people. You brag that you don't fit in with rule following lawyers because you went to punk shows in your youth. Do you really believe that none of those lawyers went to punk shows or made bad art? You might have some growing up to do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Since you shared that you are "pretty vocal about social injustice" and that you "curse a lot" and that you like to "rock the boat", I think that you should not be calling others "tightly-wound" without including yourself.

Fair enough — I was mostly referring to how tightly wound the people around me seem about their kids’ academic and athletic performance. I am the complete opposite and am very laid back about that. I am not laid back about social injustice, hence why I feel out of place.

If you are so laid-back about academics, why did you specifically move to a strong school pyramid? Why didn't your strong sense of social justice lead you to Baileys Crossroads, down the street, instead?

You sound obnoxious and full of yourself. A very "not like the other girls" vibe. Gross.

Sounds like a you problem. No one wants to be preached at or cursed at on a regular basis.

Anonymous wrote:OP: Since you shared that you are "pretty vocal about social injustice" and that you "curse a lot" and that you like to "rock the boat", I think that you should not be calling others "tightly-wound" without including yourself.

Fair enough — I was mostly referring to how tightly wound the people around me seem about their kids’ academic and athletic performance. I am the complete opposite and am very laid back about that. I am not laid back about social injustice, hence why I feel out of place.

OP: Since you shared that you are "pretty vocal about social injustice" and that you "curse a lot" and that you like to "rock the boat", I think that you should not be calling others "tightly-wound" without including yourself.

I moved from DC to Vienna three years ago for more space (and also because my work moved completely remote). I thought that the tight-knit sense of community would appeal to me and my two kids (late elementary school), but that hasn’t really been the case.

I feel like a fish out of water. I’m a single mom, and already I feel like that separates me from the family-oriented nature of Vienna. I also don’t really fit into the suburban soccer mom stereotype that Vienna is known for. I’m not super interested in playing politics with my neighbors. I’m pretty vocal about social injustice and I curse a lot — I don’t really buy into the “don’t rock the boat” ethos around me.

The competitive nature of the other parents and the Type A pressure cooker of the schools also concern me. I’m a psychologist and I’ve seen WAY too many teens in this area break down because of the intense pressure, and I sometimes feel like I should’ve chosen a “lower performing” school that doesn’t have the relentless pressure to succeed.

The tightly-wound nature of the other parents bother me, and sometimes they make comments about how I’m not “pushing” my kids by putting them in travel sports or extra academic enrichment. It just seems like most of the people around me are Type A rule-following lawyers, which feels really weird as someone who spent my teens and twenties going to punk shows and making lots of (bad) art…

And the conservatism of the area is unsettling. I don’t really find any Trump supporters/far-right people in the area, but there is a general social conservatism and intense conformity that feels uncomfortable.

Is this just what living in the suburbs is like? Or is it intensified in Vienna? Is there another NoVa/Moco/DC neighborhood where parents like me congregate?