Anonymous
01/22/2023 12:14
Subject: Can we go a little easier on one another?
Look, for example at todays new thread “Our current situation -not thrilled” wherein OP is not happy with where her kid d us getting in and wants to talk and get advice and almost all posters start dumping on her with the “you are entitled” poster popping in at about ten comments in. Comments like that help no one. No one
Anonymous
01/22/2023 12:05
Subject: Re:Can we go a little easier on one another?
Anonymous wrote:I was ready to agree with you, but I've seen people ask questions like "I called my DC's professor to demand an extension on an assignment because it conflicts with a long-planned family reunion. The professor has not replied yet. WWYD? Call dean or drive to school to request in-person meeting?"
Like in general I think we should be easier on each other, and I always think there is a calm way to disagree. However, some people are asking bad questions because they have poor boundaries, are unable to view their child as an adult or near-adult, and have serious control issues. I think it's okay to call that out.
Also, sometimes it's not a question of helicopter parenting. Like the recent thread on the DD who was left to fill out her applications and then didn't and the OP was livid and very angry with the DD. I didn't think that was great parenting either, sorry. I am okay with being respectful when I post, but I don't think it's my job to tell people who come here asking for feedback "you're doing great!" unless I really think that. One thing I like about DCUM is that people have more freedom to give unvarnished opinions, which can be hard to come by in person.
But yes, some people on these boards have no tact, use unnecessarily salty language, or are working out their own extensive issues on other posters. It's an unfortunate aspect of the site.
When you have a running commentary in your head, like the one you just wrote (which is bolded above), that keeps you from simply answering a question objectively, without judgment on one's parenting skills. Being on DCUM isn't a job.
Anonymous
01/22/2023 12:03
Subject: Re:Can we go a little easier on one another?
Anonymous wrote:I think the fact that posts are anonymous can bring out the worst in people.
+1. They are getting excessively cruel
Anonymous
01/22/2023 12:02
Subject: Can we go a little easier on one another?
The worst posts are the weekly or almost weekly posts about the same schools, over and over and over and over again.
Those posts are presented as "questions" - but all they really are, are trolling with marginal (at best) plausible deniability, attempting to feign ignorance. SSDD.
Same tone, same one or two writers who play off each other and encourage more drama. I would feel bad for them, if it were not so obvious. The chip on their shoulder weighs heavily.
It really dilutes any helpfulness DCUM may otherwise have on the College threads, unfortunately - but those one or two posters don't seem to care, as long as they get their manic depressive, OCD jollies.
Those posts are presented as "questions" - but all they really are, are trolling with marginal (at best) plausible deniability, attempting to feign ignorance. SSDD.
Same tone, same one or two writers who play off each other and encourage more drama. I would feel bad for them, if it were not so obvious. The chip on their shoulder weighs heavily.
It really dilutes any helpfulness DCUM may otherwise have on the College threads, unfortunately - but those one or two posters don't seem to care, as long as they get their manic depressive, OCD jollies.
Anonymous
01/22/2023 12:01
Subject: Re:Can we go a little easier on one another?
First rule of mothering: We’re helicopters if we ask questions but we’re negligent if we don’t “do our own research”.
Misogyny rules. I’m sorry, OP. I agree with you.
Misogyny rules. I’m sorry, OP. I agree with you.
Anonymous
01/22/2023 11:56
Subject: Re:Can we go a little easier on one another?
I think the fact that posts are anonymous can bring out the worst in people.
Anonymous
01/22/2023 11:40
Subject: Can we go a little easier on one another?
Why don’t we just answer people’s questions if we have helpful information, but don’t act like the arbiters of good parenting unless that type of advice is requested?
Anonymous
01/22/2023 11:38
Subject: Re:Can we go a little easier on one another?
Anonymous wrote:I was ready to agree with you, but I've seen people ask questions like "I called my DC's professor to demand an extension on an assignment because it conflicts with a long-planned family reunion. The professor has not replied yet. WWYD? Call dean or drive to school to request in-person meeting?"
Like in general I think we should be easier on each other, and I always think there is a calm way to disagree. However, some people are asking bad questions because they have poor boundaries, are unable to view their child as an adult or near-adult, and have serious control issues. I think it's okay to call that out.
Also, sometimes it's not a question of helicopter parenting. Like the recent thread on the DD who was left to fill out her applications and then didn't and the OP was livid and very angry with the DD. I didn't think that was great parenting either, sorry. I am okay with being respectful when I post, but I don't think it's my job to tell people who come here asking for feedback "you're doing great!" unless I really think that. One thing I like about DCUM is that people have more freedom to give unvarnished opinions, which can be hard to come by in person.
But yes, some people on these boards have no tact, use unnecessarily salty language, or are working out their own extensive issues on other posters. It's an unfortunate aspect of the site.
No one has asked a question like that and the ones that do indicate ignorance or lack of boundaries are few and far between. We are talking if the normal question by a troubled parent and everyone jumps on the scold the parent claiming “entitlement!” “Racist” “Obviously you,OP, have never heard of X” /and the gotcha statements based upon a sentence fragment that the reader wants to call out to make themselves feel better or more superior. There’s a lot if mentally unstable posters here. They used to leave Sprcial Needs and the college subforum alone so we could help one another. Now, if you post your child’s stats and bewilderment over lack of acceptances -as a parent did this moment -they are immediately called out for “entitlement”. I read and post to hell with facts but I don’t want to read these posts that try to ridicule the OP . Maybe it is time to leave
Anonymous
01/22/2023 11:31
Subject: Re:Can we go a little easier on one another?
I was ready to agree with you, but I've seen people ask questions like "I called my DC's professor to demand an extension on an assignment because it conflicts with a long-planned family reunion. The professor has not replied yet. WWYD? Call dean or drive to school to request in-person meeting?"
Like in general I think we should be easier on each other, and I always think there is a calm way to disagree. However, some people are asking bad questions because they have poor boundaries, are unable to view their child as an adult or near-adult, and have serious control issues. I think it's okay to call that out.
Also, sometimes it's not a question of helicopter parenting. Like the recent thread on the DD who was left to fill out her applications and then didn't and the OP was livid and very angry with the DD. I didn't think that was great parenting either, sorry. I am okay with being respectful when I post, but I don't think it's my job to tell people who come here asking for feedback "you're doing great!" unless I really think that. One thing I like about DCUM is that people have more freedom to give unvarnished opinions, which can be hard to come by in person.
But yes, some people on these boards have no tact, use unnecessarily salty language, or are working out their own extensive issues on other posters. It's an unfortunate aspect of the site.
Like in general I think we should be easier on each other, and I always think there is a calm way to disagree. However, some people are asking bad questions because they have poor boundaries, are unable to view their child as an adult or near-adult, and have serious control issues. I think it's okay to call that out.
Also, sometimes it's not a question of helicopter parenting. Like the recent thread on the DD who was left to fill out her applications and then didn't and the OP was livid and very angry with the DD. I didn't think that was great parenting either, sorry. I am okay with being respectful when I post, but I don't think it's my job to tell people who come here asking for feedback "you're doing great!" unless I really think that. One thing I like about DCUM is that people have more freedom to give unvarnished opinions, which can be hard to come by in person.
But yes, some people on these boards have no tact, use unnecessarily salty language, or are working out their own extensive issues on other posters. It's an unfortunate aspect of the site.
Anonymous
01/22/2023 11:31
Subject: Can we go a little easier on one another?
Anonymous wrote:I don't know guys, just seems like people are labeled as being helicopter parents too easily. I get it's a thing. Every kid is different, every family is different, no one knows really what someone's situation is. Can we lighten up if someone is asking pretty benign questions? Are they helicoptering if they reach out here anonymously, to learn from others? Is even being on DCUM itself helicoptering? I learn a lot from you guys even when it's a little rough, but man it's nicer when we're nice.
+1
Anonymous
01/22/2023 11:29
Subject: Can we go a little easier on one another?
I completely agree with you OP. This subgroup (“College”) is getting increasingly nasty and judgmental. I’m tired of the posters yelling “entitled!” and “racist!” At every turn. I wish they epilepsy take their issues to politics instead of making OPs feel bad. I’ve been thinking if leaving all of Dcum because if this. I’m not coming here to see every thread devolve into people being snarky and trying to find race or entitlement issues. Such comments do not help the OPs or others reading to try and learn about college admissions
Anonymous
01/22/2023 11:28
Subject: Can we go a little easier on one another?
Thank you for your post OP—it was just the right tone
I think some people walk around the world with a critical/judgemental outlook. That cannot be a happy or peaceful life. The internet is a place for them to vent their toxicity, which is ugly and hurtful.
I hope that your post reaches those who are still salvageable.
I think some people walk around the world with a critical/judgemental outlook. That cannot be a happy or peaceful life. The internet is a place for them to vent their toxicity, which is ugly and hurtful.
I hope that your post reaches those who are still salvageable.
Anonymous
01/22/2023 11:25
Subject: Re:Can we go a little easier on one another?
Anonymous wrote:DCUM is rife with trolls who stalk the recent posts and drop as many nasty comments as quickly as possible. Just report (little button lower right) instead of quote replying. The more people monitoring tone, the more productive conversation will be. (And let's see if I really am the first to reply to this, or if a troll beat me.)
+1
Anonymous
01/22/2023 11:24
Subject: Re:Can we go a little easier on one another?
DCUM is rife with trolls who stalk the recent posts and drop as many nasty comments as quickly as possible. Just report (little button lower right) instead of quote replying. The more people monitoring tone, the more productive conversation will be. (And let's see if I really am the first to reply to this, or if a troll beat me.)
Anonymous
01/22/2023 11:20
Subject: Can we go a little easier on one another?
I don't know guys, just seems like people are labeled as being helicopter parents too easily. I get it's a thing. Every kid is different, every family is different, no one knows really what someone's situation is. Can we lighten up if someone is asking pretty benign questions? Are they helicoptering if they reach out here anonymously, to learn from others? Is even being on DCUM itself helicoptering? I learn a lot from you guys even when it's a little rough, but man it's nicer when we're nice.