Anonymous wrote:Treat them like the toddlers they are. Lots and lots of praise - even for dumb stuff, like how they did their hair today - and ignore the bad stuff. My mom was a narcissist. When she would start to go off on a negative nelly trip, I would change the subject by giving her a compliment. These folks need to be praised 24/7. It's ridiculous, but it works.
Read Nina Brown's book, Children of the Self-Absorbed. I used her techniques and was amazed.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for all of this, much appreciated.
It's sad and the old dynamics are so heightened as sibs jockey both for money and to evade responsibility.
You have succinctly and brilliantly put into one sentence what I have spent hours and hours in therapy trying to process and accept. Just the fact you wrote it helps me feel less alone.
Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for all of this, much appreciated.
It's sad and the old dynamics are so heightened as sibs jockey both for money and to evade responsibility.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Boundaries and documentation.
I went through this with my mother - she ended up firing every doc and professional she disagreed with. I hired an eldercare professional to help navigate the situation (I paid) but she refused to meet her or work with her.
Also, in early dementia patients can be very adept at masking for an appointment, social outing, whatever. They can appear to be mentally fit - but then you get home. If you are seeing things on a day to day level, document it and share it with your other family members.
Good luck.
One thing to prepare you for if you are not a close family is... the other family members may gaslight you. "OH she is just stressed because x, y,z and once she takes more walks, gets together with a friend, gets a new kitten, (name your solution)...she will be fine!" Let the doctors know what you see and document it.
PP here - this 100%
Document document document - and send copies to family even if you aren't close. My sibs and I are not close and they don't live nearby. Despite keeping them updated, when is was time to get more help for my mom (she is a fall risk, she had fallen and broken her vertebrae), I was completely vilified and essentially ostracized by the family.
Long ugly story that is unfortunately too common. I'm just glad I had documentation and the backing of my mom's former physicians. And now I have peace.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Boundaries and documentation.
I went through this with my mother - she ended up firing every doc and professional she disagreed with. I hired an eldercare professional to help navigate the situation (I paid) but she refused to meet her or work with her.
Also, in early dementia patients can be very adept at masking for an appointment, social outing, whatever. They can appear to be mentally fit - but then you get home. If you are seeing things on a day to day level, document it and share it with your other family members.
Good luck.
One thing to prepare you for if you are not a close family is... the other family members may gaslight you. "OH she is just stressed because x, y,z and once she takes more walks, gets together with a friend, gets a new kitten, (name your solution)...she will be fine!" Let the doctors know what you see and document it.
Anonymous wrote:Boundaries and documentation.
I went through this with my mother - she ended up firing every doc and professional she disagreed with. I hired an eldercare professional to help navigate the situation (I paid) but she refused to meet her or work with her.
Also, in early dementia patients can be very adept at masking for an appointment, social outing, whatever. They can appear to be mentally fit - but then you get home. If you are seeing things on a day to day level, document it and share it with your other family members.
Good luck.