We had a company come in and clean out my grandmother's house. They put price tags on everything for an estate sale. If there was something we wanted, we could buy it from the estate at that price. So, I was left $X and wanted something valued at $Y. In theory I would have gotten $X - $Y, except my aunt said she never knew what to buy me so she bought the item (it wasn't expensive) and gave it to me for Christmas instead.

I think that most people bought nothing or one item. We are not a sentimental family.

Anonymous wrote:I think if one person wants a particular item, it should be given to them if possible. I don't think it's fair or a good idea to divide things based on gender. It really shouldn't matter. My sister wants a ring of my dad's for sentimental reasons. She's never going to wear it. My dad has a dream of passing it on to the oldest grandson, which is my son. My son has no interest, and has already decided that if he does receive it someday, he wants to give it to my sister if she still wants it, because he knows he's only getting it because of gender.

That's very thoughtful of him.

My mom has her assets in a trust. The split will be 50/50 between my brother and myself. He is more interested in cash than stuff so I’m sure I’ll get her car and jewelry and probably her rental property and I’ll “buy” him out with my entitlement to cash from the estate. This only works if siblings get along and are reasonable, or if no one is attached to anything in particular.

My grandmother did what others have suggested, round robin style choosing until no one wanted anything else. The value was equalized with cash. The unwanted stuff was auctioned (if valuable), sold at an estate sale or donated. Proceeds were split.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents don’t specify and I kind of wish they had. four girls, though.

Are there any grandkids?

OP here, yes, daughter and son have same number of children.

How many? Boys? Girls?

Care takers usually get the best jewelry

Anonymous wrote:My parents don’t specify and I kind of wish they had. four girls, though.

Are there any grandkids?

OP here, yes, daughter and son have same number of children.

It isn't specified in our will - it's just 50/50. But I expect we will also downsize and get rid of a lot before we die. I've already started to pass on family heirlooms.

When ILs died DHs brother and sister and their kids did take some items. We really didn't want anything so it was a non issue.

Anonymous wrote:I'll do what my grand mother did. Her kids took terms choosing one item at a time until they didn't care any more. For everything else, they then went through her house with stickers. Anything without a sticker was donated. They compromised on items with multiple stickers. It seems to have worked well.

LOL, I can see my SIL pull up her sleeves, scouting out all items, and coming up with elaborate strategies to get all the stuff that are of max value. She will turn into a woman at war. There will be drama for sure. Not a good idea.

Anonymous wrote:I'll do what my grand mother did. Her kids took terms choosing one item at a time until they didn't care any more. For everything else, they then went through her house with stickers. Anything without a sticker was donated. They compromised on items with multiple stickers. It seems to have worked well.

Same. It's up to the son if he's interested in the jewelry or whatnot. DILs don't get tags. Grandchildren did though.

My ILs had a long list of every item of value and everything was assigned and agreed upon before they died. There likely would have been some squabbles, if not outright battles, had they not done this.

Anonymous wrote:I'll do what my grand mother did. Her kids took terms choosing one item at a time until they didn't care any more. For everything else, they then went through her house with stickers. Anything without a sticker was donated. They compromised on items with multiple stickers. It seems to have worked well.

This is effectively how my family has done it. Most of my older relatives start downsizing well before they pass so a lot of the willing/donation happens while they're alive to referee.

I think if one person wants a particular item, it should be given to them if possible. I don't think it's fair or a good idea to divide things based on gender. It really shouldn't matter. My sister wants a ring of my dad's for sentimental reasons. She's never going to wear it. My dad has a dream of passing it on to the oldest grandson, which is my son. My son has no interest, and has already decided that if he does receive it someday, he wants to give it to my sister if she still wants it, because he knows he's only getting it because of gender.

I'll do what my grand mother did. Her kids took terms choosing one item at a time until they didn't care any more. For everything else, they then went through her house with stickers. Anything without a sticker was donated. They compromised on items with multiple stickers. It seems to have worked well.

My parents don’t specify and I kind of wish they had. four girls, though.

Are there any grandkids?

In your will, how do you divide your "stuff" among daughter and son?

Do you leave all your fine jewellery to your daughter or divide them between daughter and DIL? if the later, do you have to make a list of all pieces? (assuming they both want them)

Do you specify which item goes to who? (stuff like expensive paintings, antiques...valuables). If you don't specify, but vaguely state "divide equally", would it cause drama among the kids?