I'm surprised you're able to eat in restaurants if you're this triggered by alcohol. Maybe you should get some therapy to deal with your mom issues.

Anonymous wrote:Your response is exactly why she hid it from you. You are absolutely the a-hole here.

+1. Yes YATA. Why would you consider distancing yourself from him? He's done nothing to warrant that at this point. No behavior from him to indicate you need to disassociate yourself from him whatsoever. Get some therapy OP to get over your issues with your mother and treat your BIL with the respect that he deserves.

my daughter is in recovery and has complied with our boundaries and is now sober,

Your mother or brother in law didn't decide to become an alcoholic, it's a disease and your ignorance on the subject shows how little you are willing to learn about anything outside your little bubble.

Would you leave them if they had asthma? ADHD? Cancer?

I would proudly be friends with your brother in law. I would much rather stand with someone who has battled this disease and remained sober for 15 years than someone like you who has no idea what you are talking about and is so judgmental.

If he currently drinking? If he's sober, and been sober for all this time, what exactly are you worried about? Your mother was not sober. Correct?

You are basically saying you want to stop being close to your family because they are dealing with a problem in the exact way you are supposed to deal with a problem. Huh?

(1) You may not know why she didn't tell you, but anyone reading your post does.

(2) If he's been sober for 15 years, that's a pretty good track record. He was already in AA when she met him, as well, so she wasn't just hoping he'd get sober; he'd already done it.

(3) You apparently had no idea, so his behavior seems to suggest that he's got things under control.

(4) Your BIL is not your mother, and you are projecting a lot.

You can judge if/when he has a relapse. Until then, please do not ever drink alcohol in his presence. You need to support this brave person.

Your response is exactly why she hid it from you. You are absolutely the a-hole here.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are. This is exactly why she hid it from you. Nothing but judgment and intolerance.

+1. My God.

Seems like you are projecting your feelings on to the wrong person. Your mother let you down, not your BIL. You clearly need therapy to work through your anger and resentment towards your mom.

WOW you have some unresolved issues with your mother obviously. do not transfer this onto your sister and her husband. What if they never told you? You'd just be blissfully unaware which makes me think the issue is you and not your BIL.

He's been sober for 15 years. Geeze.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are. This is exactly why she hid it from you. Nothing but judgment and intolerance.

+1. He is not your mother. People do recover and live normal lives. Your mother was not one of them.

I would not personally marry an addict even if they were sober a long time. I would NOT judge my sister for marrying someone that had been sober a long time.

Yes, you are. This is exactly why she hid it from you. Nothing but judgment and intolerance.

How would you feel if you were told the reason why someone didn't drink was because they were an addict or alcoholic?

My BIL never drank for as long as I knew him but my sister in passing mentioned that he's been in AA for 15 years -- years before she even met him!? She willingly met and had kids with an addict.

The issue is that we were raised by an alcoholic. Our own mom drank until she died (an early death due to medical issues). It was never ending "I'll quit and go to AA" and then relapses. It was awful and I can't believe she got together with someone who is just this ticking time bomb.

I don't know why she hid this from me for nearly 10 years. I can't look at BIL the same and feel incredibly uncomfortable around him. I'm actually considering putting some distance between us and avoiding seeing them from now on but feel guilty. AITA?