Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, what their kids are right about -- the elders need to leave NoVa. NoVa is just too expensive.

Op here. They’re actually in NY, but yes, the same principle applies.

I appreciate the references to military facilities. Looks like most of those would require him to qualify for independent living at time of entrance, which he wouldn’t at this point. The rehab facility believes he’d qualify for assisted living at discharge.

There are things going on with my cousins that I don’t understand. My NJ cousin is working with a lawyer to somehow shelter their assets/income so they qualify for Medicaid. They want them out in Ohio asap and have my aunt live with her daughter and my uncle in skilled nursing rather than AL. It breaks my heart. It’s a significantly lower quality of life than what they’d have living together in assisted living, whether that was in NY or OH. My aunt is being put under tremendous pressure to agree to the move without them explaining what she’s agreeing to or what the options really are.

There are family dynamics at play that I can’t deal with. I wish my aunt were more like the stubborn elderly people that others post about. Instead she’s trying to make everyone else happy at a time of her life when she should be prioritizing herself.

I think medicaid has a 5 year lookback period. So, aunt and uncle will likely have to pony up cash for living for at least 5 years. Some kids resist placing in a home to avoid depleting assets

Anonymous wrote:Op, what their kids are right about -- the elders need to leave NoVa. NoVa is just too expensive.

Op here. They’re actually in NY, but yes, the same principle applies.

I appreciate the references to military facilities. Looks like most of those would require him to qualify for independent living at time of entrance, which he wouldn’t at this point. The rehab facility believes he’d qualify for assisted living at discharge.

There are things going on with my cousins that I don’t understand. My NJ cousin is working with a lawyer to somehow shelter their assets/income so they qualify for Medicaid. They want them out in Ohio asap and have my aunt live with her daughter and my uncle in skilled nursing rather than AL. It breaks my heart. It’s a significantly lower quality of life than what they’d have living together in assisted living, whether that was in NY or OH. My aunt is being put under tremendous pressure to agree to the move without them explaining what she’s agreeing to or what the options really are.

There are family dynamics at play that I can’t deal with. I wish my aunt were more like the stubborn elderly people that others post about. Instead she’s trying to make everyone else happy at a time of her life when she should be prioritizing herself.

Op, what their kids are right about -- the elders need to leave NoVa. NoVa is just too expensive.

My mother is in AL in rural PA for about $3500/month. It would've been less if she'd needed less personal care. She recently needed to step up to memory care, still in AL, and the bill jumped to about $7500/month. All this to say, it could be doable for about $11k, depending on if your aunt would qualify for AL.

There are definitely AL places that have memory care wings so they can be in the same place and be together for part/most of the day. And there are professionals to manage his memory care so it takes that load off your aunt.

You may have more luck finding an AL place closer to your rural relative where both can go for $11,000 versus big city ALs, but it's worth checking close to you too. I know in the town my father is in, $11,000 would cover 2 patients in the nice AL he used. The suggestion of veteran ALs is a great thought too.

Which branch of the military?

https://www.falconslanding.org/about/afroc

https://www.vinsonhall.org/

I’m in MD and just looked at Asbury.

$10K will get u most of what you need.

What about AL living places for veterans and their spouse? Was he an officer?

https://www.afrh.gov/

You will probably want to find some place with Assisted Living and Nursing / Dementia care, so they can both be there together if his condition worsens. Is there anything around the rural area they are considering that might be less expensive and is a continuing care community?

Anonymous wrote:It's not rural but look at Chesterbrook Residences --

https://www.chesterbrookres.org/

Depending on the level of care needed, they might take them. It's non-profit and run by six or seven area Methodist churches, I think.

Nice place. My mother loved it there until her needs became more than they were able to provide.

Do you remember the cost for Chesterbrook?

I have a relative with dementia who resides in a nursing home in DE. The monthly cost is about 9k for one person.

She may not qualify.

Anonymous wrote:Assisted living is not the right place for someone with dementia. I doubt he'd be able to get in.

We had a care team meeting today. They believe he'd qualify for AL at this point.

It's not rural but look at Chesterbrook Residences --

https://www.chesterbrookres.org/

Depending on the level of care needed, they might take them. It's non-profit and run by six or seven area Methodist churches, I think.

Nice place. My mother loved it there until her needs became more than they were able to provide.

Assisted living is not the right place for someone with dementia. I doubt he'd be able to get in.

I'm helping find next steps for care for my 85+ yo aunt and uncle. They don't have a ton of assets (about $200k cash/cds and a home worth $300k or so). Between pension and SS they take in close to $9k. He is a veteran and eligible for about $2300 monthly due to dementia. So all combined about $11k coming in monthly.

My uncle has been cared for by my aunt at home up to now. It was too much for her. He went into the hospital about a month ago, and is currently in a rehab place. They have two kids, both prone to anxiety, as a way of background. A bunch of back story, but the kids want to bring my aunt and uncle to the rural-ish location where my female cousin lives, have my aunt live with her, and have my uncle in an assisted living place. The home is not well-suited for an elderly person, and my cousin is frankly not that great a caretaker and has a busy full-time job. My aunt will want to be with her husband, and I'm not seeing much of a way to make that happen in that location.

I think the ideal would be for them to be in assisted living together. Is there any way we could swing something like that here in NoVA at that income level and with those assets? That I could bring them here and help them? My cousins seem convinced that they will run out of assets and not be accepted anywhere. I guess I'm frustrated that they ignored the growing problem all last year, and now want to swoop in and blow up their lives and leave them with no choices at all.