Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is because of privacy issues but I agree that there is some degree to which the privacy is counterproductive. My DD had significant conflict with a boy in her class last year and her perception was that there were no consequences to the boy for his behavior, which just made my DD feel like the school wasn't protecting her. Had they been able to tell her some of what they were doing, she would have at least felt like they were trying.

It is similar to how the school will call to tell you about an incident with another child but not tell you who the other child is. My kids are older now and can tell me, but in most cases by time you get to upper elementary school, the identity of the other child really matters to the context of what happened. If the school isn't going to tell me the full story, don't bother calling me.

OP here. Yes, my daughter basically believes there's no consequence for bad behavior at the school, which is heartbreaking. I asked her why she didn't tell her teacher about the incident, she said "They don't do anything about it."

I'm not expecting the discipline of the offending child to be printed on posterboard and hung in the hallways, but for the two parties involved, the victim and the offender, being transparent about the outcomes and consequences provides closure. Which is very needed for holistic and effective conflict resolution.

Instead, you get hand wavy, "The environment is safe" mumbo jumbo with no specifics that no one, not the kids or the parents, really believe.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because your definition of just and fair may not be the same as the school's. They have more information about the child's situation than you do. It's possible the child was suspended due to repeated offenses. As a parent I don't think suspension really helps so I might think that's "fair." If you're the parent it sounds like you might want something severe like that but if the school instead just gave out a detention you might be creating more trouble for everyone.

It's best that you don't know.

OP here, this I can somewhat understand.

In this instance, I would be fine with lunch detention. The girl threatened and kicked my daughter. But you're right, some parents would want more and you can't leave that kind of decision up to the parents.

Which is why there should be a standard escalation that they can share:

I would expect something like this:

"Since this is the 1st offensive interaction with Mary and your daughter, we're going to pull her aside, call her parents and give her lunch detention. If the behavior persists, we'll then escalate it to in-school suspension, and if that doesn't work, then we'll look at removing her from the classroom."

Doesn't have to be those specific punishments and in that order, but that kind of specific action, escalation path and clarity would give reassurance to my daughter and other kids who are the receiving end of bad behavior at school. She would know and see that the kid who is making school uncomfortable for her won't just get away with it forever.

Anonymous wrote:Because your definition of just and fair may not be the same as the school's. They have more information about the child's situation than you do. It's possible the child was suspended due to repeated offenses. As a parent I don't think suspension really helps so I might think that's "fair." If you're the parent it sounds like you might want something severe like that but if the school instead just gave out a detention you might be creating more trouble for everyone.

It's best that you don't know.

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is because of privacy issues but I agree that there is some degree to which the privacy is counterproductive. My DD had significant conflict with a boy in her class last year and her perception was that there were no consequences to the boy for his behavior, which just made my DD feel like the school wasn't protecting her. Had they been able to tell her some of what they were doing, she would have at least felt like they were trying.

It is similar to how the school will call to tell you about an incident with another child but not tell you who the other child is. My kids are older now and can tell me, but in most cases by time you get to upper elementary school, the identity of the other child really matters to the context of what happened. If the school isn't going to tell me the full story, don't bother calling me.

Anonymous wrote:It would be akin to sharing the other student's confidential education records.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is an incredibly common and normal policy. It is also true in the vast majority of workplaces.

If your kid gets in a fight with another child at the playground, is the other parent entitled to demand that you tell them the consequences/punishment you imposed?
If a coworker insults/bullies you in the workplace, are you entitled to know exactly what consequences were imposed?

No. Because the real world doesn't operate that way. It is the responsibility if the organization to create and keep a safe environment. Nobody that was the "victim" needs to know how they do that, just that the environment is safe.

In the real world, if I commit a crime, the punishment is not kept a secret.

Also, I have no idea how you assure the victim the environment is safe without detailing the consequences for those violate the rules of said environment. Why should you believe them?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is an incredibly common and normal policy. It is also true in the vast majority of workplaces.

If your kid gets in a fight with another child at the playground, is the other parent entitled to demand that you tell them the consequences/punishment you imposed?
If a coworker insults/bullies you in the workplace, are you entitled to know exactly what consequences were imposed?

No. Because the real world doesn't operate that way. It is the responsibility if the organization to create and keep a safe environment. Nobody that was the "victim" needs to know how they do that, just that the environment is safe.

In the real world, if I commit a crime, the punishment is not kept a secret.

Also, I have no idea how you assure the victim the environment is safe without detailing the consequences for those violate the rules of said environment. Why should you believe them?

Anonymous wrote:It is an incredibly common and normal policy. It is also true in the vast majority of workplaces.

If your kid gets in a fight with another child at the playground, is the other parent entitled to demand that you tell them the consequences/punishment you imposed?
If a coworker insults/bullies you in the workplace, are you entitled to know exactly what consequences were imposed?

No. Because the real world doesn't operate that way. It is the responsibility if the organization to create and keep a safe environment. Nobody that was the "victim" needs to know how they do that, just that the environment is safe.