Anonymous
Post 01/06/2023 10:28     Subject: Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
Anonymous wrote:DH told me that his sister is apparently dealing with some behavioral and psychiatric issues regarding her older son. I sent her a text simply saying, So sorry you're having a rough time, thinking of you.
She didn't respond and now I'm worried that I overstepped. Was this bad?


You overstepped. If she wanted you to know, she would have told you.

I understand spouses telling each other things, but that doesn’t mean you act on it.

I hope she doesn’t hold this against your DH.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2023 10:28     Subject: Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Did she tell your DH? I get ticked when I tell my mom private health information about my child and it trickles back to me through people I never intended to know.


+1


OMG this is so my mother. In my mother's case it is because everything is about her and it's another way to get attention.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2023 10:26     Subject: Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
She is, as you said, going through a rough time. It is understandable that she wouldn’t have as much capacity to respond as you do to reach out. Don’t make it about you. You did fine.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2023 10:23     Subject: Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
She’s probably busy dealing with her son’s behavioral and psychiatric issues and the time left is spent surviving and trying to get through the day. I’m sure she appreciated your text. If she’s in crisis mode she probably is going to let some things drop like responses to unsolicited texts, thank you notes, and other things of that nature.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2023 10:12     Subject: Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
It's fine OP. Better to say something than nothing at all. That said your text didn't require a response.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2023 10:12     Subject: Re:Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
I doubt she's upset you reached out. Rather, when you're in the thick of it the exhaustion can be all encompassing. She could just be forgetting to send a message back but every time she thinks of it, it's at a time that wouldn't be appropriate for a text message-say 5am and midnight. I went a month meaning to text someone back during something like that. I would remember at all the wrong times.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2023 10:10     Subject: Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
Anonymous wrote:So sorry sounds a bit more like sympathy / condolences than an empathetic response to hearing their child is unwell.

I would have said something like...I heard Son's name isn't well. Can we send you / drop off a few meals this weekend? Maybe Friday about 5:00 if that works for you? Thinking of meals is always something I find hard when I have a lot on my plate. If that would be helpful, let us know - or anything else we can do as well.

I don't think your text was overstepping but you didn't offer anything or ask a question so it puts it on her to think of what she needs to say back and she needs to put her energies elsewhere. Saying a thank you and being appreciative that you feel sorry for her feels weird.


They live nowhere near us so I just wanted to reach out and I thought it would be weird to offer to "do" anything from four hours away otherwise yeah I would have done that. I didn't want to ask a question and seem prying. I just wanted to show support. Oy
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2023 10:02     Subject: Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
So sorry sounds a bit more like sympathy / condolences than an empathetic response to hearing their child is unwell.

I would have said something like...I heard Son's name isn't well. Can we send you / drop off a few meals this weekend? Maybe Friday about 5:00 if that works for you? Thinking of meals is always something I find hard when I have a lot on my plate. If that would be helpful, let us know - or anything else we can do as well.

I don't think your text was overstepping but you didn't offer anything or ask a question so it puts it on her to think of what she needs to say back and she needs to put her energies elsewhere. Saying a thank you and being appreciative that you feel sorry for her feels weird.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2023 09:56     Subject: Re:Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
Yes, she told my husband
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2023 09:52     Subject: Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
Anonymous wrote:Did she tell your DH? I get ticked when I tell my mom private health information about my child and it trickles back to me through people I never intended to know.


+1
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2023 09:16     Subject: Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
Did she tell your DH? I get ticked when I tell my mom private health information about my child and it trickles back to me through people I never intended to know.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2023 09:13     Subject: Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
It sounds perfectly nice, OP. No overstepping at all. Perhaps she missed your text if she's dealing with a lot right now. Also, maybe she doesn't know how to respond.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2023 09:12     Subject: Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
She might not know exactly what you’re getting at? If you’re not otherwise close, she might think you’re fishing.

In general, it sounds nice and thoughtful, but having accidentally bumped a hornet’s nest with my SIL, I now know my intentions don’t mean squat compared with how actions/words are interpreted.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2023 09:10     Subject: Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
You’re fine. She knows you care but sometimes when you’re in a bad situation, things like responding to texts seems exhausting.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2023 09:08     Subject: Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
DH told me that his sister is apparently dealing with some behavioral and psychiatric issues regarding her older son. I sent her a text simply saying, So sorry you're having a rough time, thinking of you.
She didn't respond and now I'm worried that I overstepped. Was this bad?