Former longtime professional nanny here. Even though parents always try to treat every child the same, I’ve never seen it... even with triplets.

Anonymous wrote:^^ I disagree. Have 2 kids, raised in the same house, the same way, by 2 loving parents. They are so different. We have tried to install a good moral compass, teach about right from wrong, trust, character, etc. And yet, our 2 kids could not be more different in that regard

I agree with this PP. When raising kids, nature is much more powerful than nurture.

Anonymous wrote:^^ I disagree. Have 2 kids, raised in the same house, the same way, by 2 loving parents. They are so different. We have tried to install a good moral compass, teach about right from wrong, trust, character, etc. And yet, our 2 kids could not be more different in that regard

with 2 kids you did not raise them the same way though, you just think you did. Ask any firstborn adult if they felt they were raised the same way as their younger sibling, they will say. There is truth to birth other personalities. OP I think it’s both. Our adopted DD seems to have s lot of our traits and personality. She’s only 10 though, will see if that changes as she gets older.

^^ I disagree. Have 2 kids, raised in the same house, the same way, by 2 loving parents. They are so different. We have tried to install a good moral compass, teach about right from wrong, trust, character, etc. And yet, our 2 kids could not be more different in that regard

They both matter but nurture “plays a bigger role” because it’s the one we have control over. Nurture can make the most of what nature has provided.

Nature might make a person predisposed to depression, but nurture can get them support and help develop skills and tools to manage it more easily. Nurture can also deprive someone of support while struggling with mental health and make it much worse.

Nature might predispose someone to be very intelligent or less so, very volatile or even tempered, very athletic or very uncoordinated. But parenting dictates how these natural tendencies help or hinder a person.

I think the mistake people make us just blaming nature for problems when the whole point of nurturing is to help address them. People also sometimes take credit for natural attributes (like your kid being strong and very coordinated) but that isn’t harmful. But giving up on a child because of their natural tendencies misses the whole point of parenting.

Anonymous wrote:Oh dear. Op, why would you post this?

Why not?

Oh dear. Op, why would you post this?

Depends

Which one plays a bigger part in character development?