Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 14:06     Subject: What’s best way to handle visits from hearing-impaired family member?
OP, I'm being sarcastic here ...clearly you don't want your joy, in an environment that works well for you, to be impacted by an elderly person who's capabilities are failing. They have been brought to most challenging environment possible. Why aren't they providing you with a more interesting and engaging evening?
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 14:05     Subject: What’s best way to handle visits from hearing-impaired family member?

Wow, not much compassion here. It’s also incredibly taxing and exhausting to be hearing impaired. Maybe try slight accommodations so your family member can participate and enjoy themselves.


I'll readily admit that my compassion is on a very low level after years, YEARS of trying to accommodate, trying to help, understanding the difficulties with hearing aids, understanding the mental challenges that go with this refusal, helping and going to doctors, trying different hearing aids, even trying different ways of communicating, and yet nothing but utter refusal to do anything. This person demands that we shout - and that's what we have to do in order for them to hear anything - to communicate. I've decided I'm tired of shouting. Now that person is pissed. Yeah, well, so be it. Their choice.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 13:59     Subject: What’s best way to handle visits from hearing-impaired family member?
Hearing loss is very isolating. I would say first of all, don't go to restaurants with him, they are horrible for people with hearing loss. He will not be able to hear a thing, even if he can hear a little in a quiet setting.

Eat at home, and seat him so that you are sitting near his better ear.

I have a deaf parent. It's tough, but he's not doing it to annoy you, you know?
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 13:56     Subject: Re:What’s best way to handle visits from hearing-impaired family member?
If you can find out which ear is better seat the man with the deepest voice on that side. My dad (who uses hearing loss to opt out of non preferred tasks and discussions) can hear my brother much better than he can hear me, even with his hearing aids in. I also pick my words carefully and use words with harder sounds. "Sally" becomes "remember my tennis partner Sally?" Once I get a yes, I move onto the next part of the story.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 13:55     Subject: What’s best way to handle visits from hearing-impaired family member?
Anonymous wrote:I know what you mean.
It's incredibly taxing and exhausting to constantly have to raise your voice, do this or that just to have the most basic of conversations. Sure, you can just not talk to that person anymore but what kind of relationship is this.
I don't think you can do much but your father tending to get his phone out and disengage completely reminds that hearing aid refusal can aid in developing dementia. They're giving up. It sucks one way or the other.


Wow, not much compassion here. It’s also incredibly taxing and exhausting to be hearing impaired. Maybe try slight accommodations so your family member can participate and enjoy themselves.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 13:50     Subject: What’s best way to handle visits from hearing-impaired family member?
Hearing impaired person here. Even with aids, most restaurants are hard. Go places where there’s minimal background noise and try to sit in a booth for extra acoustical dampening. Figure out which ear is better for him and make sure to give him a seat where that ear faces most of the table.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 13:48     Subject: What’s best way to handle visits from hearing-impaired family member?
OP, go easy on him. Many times, even with the best hearing aids available, the sound is not good. There is buzzing. There is uneven volume. Voices are garbled. There's a good reason people don't find hearing aids tolerable.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 13:17     Subject: What’s best way to handle visits from hearing-impaired family member?
I would at least share the research with him on hearing loss, not wearing hearing aides and dementia risks so he has all the info, but in the end it's his choice. It's so annoying. I know. I live it. I would raise your voice, but not totally accommodate a choice that is bad for his health. It's like any unhealthy choice a family member makes. They get to do it, but you don't have to completely accommodate it.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 13:11     Subject: What’s best way to handle visits from hearing-impaired family member?
Anonymous wrote:I know what you mean.
It's incredibly taxing and exhausting to constantly have to raise your voice, do this or that just to have the most basic of conversations. Sure, you can just not talk to that person anymore but what kind of relationship is this.
I don't think you can do much but your father tending to get his phone out and disengage completely reminds that hearing aid refusal can aid in developing dementia. They're giving up. It sucks one way or the other.


DH and I have hearing impaired members on both sides of the family and I agree with you that it is annoying, but, I also think it is important to have some compassion. hearing aids are not perfect and you may find that you develop hearing issues as well (these things are highly inheritable). Conversations at family dinners in a loud restaurant are likely basically impossible for your father to follow. I wouldn't care if they are on their phone. I make sure to have meaningful conversations one-on-one. If they are zoning out at home and not trying THEN I might say something.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 13:07     Subject: What’s best way to handle visits from hearing-impaired family member?
You should text him LOL
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 12:57     Subject: What’s best way to handle visits from hearing-impaired family member?
I know what you mean.
It's incredibly taxing and exhausting to constantly have to raise your voice, do this or that just to have the most basic of conversations. Sure, you can just not talk to that person anymore but what kind of relationship is this.
I don't think you can do much but your father tending to get his phone out and disengage completely reminds that hearing aid refusal can aid in developing dementia. They're giving up. It sucks one way or the other.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 12:47     Subject: What’s best way to handle visits from hearing-impaired family member?
Anonymous wrote:My father has a difficult time hearing and refuses to get hearing aids. I decided to stop waving my arms or raising my voice to get his attention. If we are out to dinner at a restaurant, he will pull out his phone and start scrolling instead of participating in the conversation. I asked him once what he was doing after he spent a few minutes at the table playing with his phone and he put it away.

When you have a person who is hearing-impaired and refuses to do anything about it, what’s the best way to handle their visits? Should I ignore times when he withdraws from the conversation by playing on his phone? I don’t always know if he hears conversation in the house because sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn’t. I’ve spoken with him about his hearing loss and he won’t do anything about it.


I don't understand the phone thing. He's an adult. You don't get to police screen time for adults.

Otherwise, you take steps to reduce background noise. You come close to him before you start talking. You get his attention politely, by moving into his space or tapping his arm not by waving your arms at him.

In short, you treat him politely as if he were an adult.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 12:42     Subject: What’s best way to handle visits from hearing-impaired family member?
Yes, ignore him using his phone - he’s an adult. Let him know if there’s a fire. If he asks why nobody is talking to him or nobody’s told him dinner is ready or Uncle Frank has been here for two hours, just say “I did, but you didn’t hear me, and when I’ve suggested you need a hearing aid you refused. So that means you miss out on a lot.”
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 12:36     Subject: What’s best way to handle visits from hearing-impaired family member?
Just let him do what he feels like doing with his phone. If he wants to opt out of conversation, don't say anything. It's a mental effort for him to hear and he probably gets tired of it. For him, "participating" means trying really hard or else faking that he hears when really he doesn't. It's not enjoyable for him. It sounds like you need to do some work on yourself to accept and be at peace with his hearing loss and his autonomy.

When you really want him to hear you, get in front of him and get his attention first. Try to reduce background noise and seat him around people who speak clearly. Ask if he hears better on one side than the other, and arrange your seating accordingly.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 12:32     Subject: What’s best way to handle visits from hearing-impaired family member?
My father has a difficult time hearing and refuses to get hearing aids. I decided to stop waving my arms or raising my voice to get his attention. If we are out to dinner at a restaurant, he will pull out his phone and start scrolling instead of participating in the conversation. I asked him once what he was doing after he spent a few minutes at the table playing with his phone and he put it away.

When you have a person who is hearing-impaired and refuses to do anything about it, what’s the best way to handle their visits? Should I ignore times when he withdraws from the conversation by playing on his phone? I don’t always know if he hears conversation in the house because sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn’t. I’ve spoken with him about his hearing loss and he won’t do anything about it.