Anonymous wrote:Getting into a relationship at 14 was developmentally normal when kids then got married at 18 or 20. Now, there is no developmental need or benefit to being in a relationship at 14. Fouteen year olds don't need relationship experiences.

I wouldn't invite her over. They can go to a coffee shop or hang out at lunch at school.

That’s absurd, they can meet up at a coffee shop but they can’t hang out at your house?

My daughter had a "boyfriend" at 14 at the end of middle school. It wasn't very serious. My ex dh and I didn't like him but we didn't say anything. They hung out over the summer but her time was constrained by travel and summer camp. High school started and the academic stresses began in earnest. The boy was a needy kid who wasn't attending the same pressure cooker school she was in. He kept demanding and guilting her to spend her weekends with him. She was making new friends and wanted to hang out with old friends too and weekends were the only time.

One day in November she came to me and said he was stressing her out with his constant texts and badgering her to hang out with him.
I made one simple statement to that - A high school boyfriend or girlfriend should be a source of joy and fun. High school is stressful enough, do you have room for an additional source of stress in your life right now? She looked at me with great clarity and immediately texted him that they need to meet at 8am tomorrow morning.
And at 8:05 the next morning she broke up with him. Man, she was impatient to dump him!

She waited a few more years before dating another boy in her high school. They are both of much more similar temperament but I don't think they are terribly serious. But she was a lot more careful about who she chooses to spend time with and there is a healthy dosage of time for sports, extracurriculars, friends and this boyfriend (he kind of comes dead last).

All this is to say that these experiences can make us aware of what our character is, and how it is different from those who SEEM similar to us simply because of school and proximity but are actually vastly different. She knows herself a little better as a result of that small phase in her life.

Kids in High School date. It is normal. Not every kid who dates has sex. But there are a lot of kids who have sex that don’t date. If he/she is a nice kid let them date and keep the lines of communication very open.

Getting into a relationship at 14 was developmentally normal when kids then got married at 18 or 20. Now, there is no developmental need or benefit to being in a relationship at 14. Fouteen year olds don't need relationship experiences.

I wouldn't invite her over. They can go to a coffee shop or hang out at lunch at school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Starter relationships are normal and appropriate at this age. They are practicing for the real thing some day. Better to learn and make mistakes under your roof.

Let me guess, you also allow the teens to drink in your home so you can monitor them?!

Why, no. What a strange comparison. Underage drinking is illegal and developmentally inappropriate. You are comparing apples and socks. Were you born stupid or is this learned behavior?

Anonymous wrote:Starter relationships are normal and appropriate at this age. They are practicing for the real thing some day. Better to learn and make mistakes under your roof.

Let me guess, you also allow the teens to drink in your home so you can monitor them?!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents please parent! There is no need to start dating at 14!!!

That’s not the question. The question is whether there’s a need to actively stop 14-year-olds from dating. And there’s not.

What sort of parenting have you been doing that you’re terrified of your 14-year-old dating?

Apparently very good parenting. There is no need to have kids start dating at 14 - it only leads to negative outcomes.

Anonymous wrote:My 14 yo son has a girlfriend. He just turned 14 in late Sept too so I feel this is on the young side. They FT each other and meet up at cafes or coffee shops near our house. Today is the first time she’s coming over to our house.

Is this what age it usually starts?? I had crushes but didn’t start dating seriously until 17!

What you’ve described is totally developmentally appropriate. They FT, meet up at coffee shops, and hang out at their houses. Obviously they need to hang out in a communal area of your house, but really it’s fine. They’re teens, if you tell the kid he can’t hang out one on one with the girl then they will start sneaking around, etc.

Anonymous wrote:Parents please parent! There is no need to start dating at 14!!!

That’s not the question. The question is whether there’s a need to actively stop 14-year-olds from dating. And there’s not.

What sort of parenting have you been doing that you’re terrified of your 14-year-old dating?

Starter relationships are normal and appropriate at this age. They are practicing for the real thing some day. Better to learn and make mistakes under your roof.

This is normal, and has been for quite some time. I really don’t see the issue.

Parents please parent! There is no need to start dating at 14!!!

Yes, they don't need the emotional attachment and heartbreak of a serious relationship at that age. They don't need the pressure to advance their relatiosnhip physically and sexually.

Let them have crushes and 'date' at school but not have serious boyfriends and girlfriends. They can hang out in groups and date at school but I wouldn' tbe encouraging a 1 on 1 relationship.

Correlationally, kids who get into relationships young tend to also do other adult activiites at a younger age (smoke, drink, have sex, have children, leave education etc).

Friend of mine had a baby at 14. Yes, it's too young.

My 14 yo son has a girlfriend. He just turned 14 in late Sept too so I feel this is on the young side. They FT each other and meet up at cafes or coffee shops near our house. Today is the first time she’s coming over to our house.

Is this what age it usually starts?? I had crushes but didn’t start dating seriously until 17!