Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 09:18     Subject: Re:Father not involved in child’s life
NO to the parents getting involved.

There's nothing either of you can do. He's decided and made it very clear that he does not want a relationship with his child. You can't force someone to have a relationship. Expecting him to suddenly change and become an involved parent is magical thinking.

After trying for over two years with no change in his position, it's time for you and your friend to drop it. If you want to help your friend, help her to move on.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 09:16     Subject: Father not involved in child’s life
Since she discovered the pregnancy after they broke up, it is quite possible he doesn't believe he is the father.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 09:15     Subject: Re:Father not involved in child’s life
Anonymous wrote:OP here. He told her to abort the child and she was hesitant. In the end, she decided to keep the baby. He never asked about her during the pregnancy or his son until now. When she met him, he was separated from his ex-wife and was always involved with his other 2 children. He was really hands on and a doting father to them. But if he can be loving towards the children of his ex, why can’t he be loving towards his own son as well? That’s the confusing part.

My friend talks about this, so it’s not like I’m involving myself in her business. Would it be a good idea if one of my friend’s parent meets her ex and confronts him about why he is not involved in his son’s life?


Usually, I'm on women's side but since we want the right to abortion, women need to own their reproductive decisions. He had no say in it, she made a decision in her own so she should deal with the consequences. He already had children and didn't want any more, why should he pay for her choice to trap him into having another one.

Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 09:14     Subject: Re:Father not involved in child’s life
Anonymous wrote:She should file for child support. She should enter therapy to understand why she did such a shitty thing to a child instead of going to a sperm bank and why she is foisting her own abandonment issues onto a new generation. I know our culture sends a message that says this is okay. It is not okay, for either of them.


+10
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 09:10     Subject: Re:Father not involved in child’s life
Anonymous wrote:
My friend talks about this, so it’s not like I’m involving myself in her business. Would it be a good idea if one of my friend’s parent meets her ex and confronts him about why he is not involved in his son’s life?


Terrible idea. The guy will probably respond with rage.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 09:10     Subject: Father not involved in child’s life
He doesn’t get to decide on abortion. And he also doesn’t get to decide on financial support. He can decide not to be involved, but she needs to file for support. And no, confronting him etc is a terrible idea. Stay out of it other than to say she should file for support.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 09:05     Subject: Re:Father not involved in child’s life
OP here. He told her to abort the child and she was hesitant. In the end, she decided to keep the baby. He never asked about her during the pregnancy or his son until now. When she met him, he was separated from his ex-wife and was always involved with his other 2 children. He was really hands on and a doting father to them. But if he can be loving towards the children of his ex, why can’t he be loving towards his own son as well? That’s the confusing part.

My friend talks about this, so it’s not like I’m involving myself in her business. Would it be a good idea if one of my friend’s parent meets her ex and confronts him about why he is not involved in his son’s life?
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 08:53     Subject: Father not involved in child’s life
He’s not a good guy. It might be better for all involved if he stays away. She should connect with other trusted male role models (uncles, grandfather, dear friend) who might play a part in her child’s life. But is she asking for your advice? If not, just let it go and be a supportive and loving presence to this child.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 08:49     Subject: Father not involved in child’s life
Always wonder why women in these situations don’t get abortions if it was early in the pregnancy.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 08:43     Subject: Father not involved in child’s life
Anonymous wrote:My best friend was dating a guy a few years ago. They dated briefly and their relationship lasted under 6 months. They broke up and she found out she was pregnant. After the breakup, her ex cut contact with her. He was aware that she was pregnant. Her son is almost 2 years now and her ex has not seen him until now. She has contacted him and reached out to him to be in his son’s life, however he refuses.

Her son is such a great child and I love him to pieces. I’m heartbroken that his father wants nothing to do with him. I just wanted to know how should my friend we go about this situation? Would her ex come to his senses and realize his wrongdoings and come around? Should she just give up on her ex? Thoughts?


MYOB. Your friend and this guy had a very brief relationship. The reality is this guy never wanted a kid. He is basically a sperm donor. It may or may not be in the child's best interest to pursue child support. Really depends on your friend's financial situation and how much she trusts this guy. You know nothing about him. I would just lend a sympathetic ear to your friend and lay off the advice.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 08:39     Subject: Father not involved in child’s life
Did she decide on her own to not have an abortion or was that a mutual decision?
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 08:38     Subject: Father not involved in child’s life
My thought is that it isn’t really your place to determine how your friend should handle her ex if he resurfaces.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 08:35     Subject: Re:Father not involved in child’s life
She should file for child support. She should enter therapy to understand why she did such a shitty thing to a child instead of going to a sperm bank and why she is foisting her own abandonment issues onto a new generation. I know our culture sends a message that says this is okay. It is not okay, for either of them.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 08:34     Subject: Father not involved in child’s life
Seems like he's been pretty clear and consistent that he doesn't want to be involved. Why would you expect that to change?
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2023 08:31     Subject: Father not involved in child’s life
My best friend was dating a guy a few years ago. They dated briefly and their relationship lasted under 6 months. They broke up and she found out she was pregnant. After the breakup, her ex cut contact with her. He was aware that she was pregnant. Her son is almost 2 years now and her ex has not seen him until now. She has contacted him and reached out to him to be in his son’s life, however he refuses.

Her son is such a great child and I love him to pieces. I’m heartbroken that his father wants nothing to do with him. I just wanted to know how should my friend we go about this situation? Would her ex come to his senses and realize his wrongdoings and come around? Should she just give up on her ex? Thoughts?