I would be honest with your child.

I am one for telling the truth generally, but agree with previous poster, just to tell her he died in his sleep. You may want to consider cremation and spreeing the ashes later with her.

I was almost 13 when our parents put our dog to sleep. Even at that age, even having seen her have a couple of strokes, lose her hearing (not all, just a lot), lose a lot of energy, wind up lost and confused in our basement, I was STILL beyond very upset with my parents. "They could develop a cure for this at any time!"

Honestly, it wasn't until I was in my 40's and my brother's dog deteriorated and they put her to sleep that I truly understood. She was not enjoying her life. She was not happy.

So yeah, lie to her and tell her you were going to have the dog put to sleep next week but she died in her sleep so no need. Make sure your DD says goodbye to the dog each day before school.

I don’t understand because you already told her…

Oh man. This is sad. Do it while she is away at school.

I would not tell her the dog was euthanized.

I would tell her that you think the dog's time is near, and let's give the dog a wonderful day and tell the dog everything you would want to have told the dog, just in case.

But I'm a bit of a coward, so not sure that's the best advice!

If your daughter asks questions, then share that the process was necessary due to Rover's suffering and that the process was quick and painless.

I think you need to be honest but very careful with words. Ask her today what questions she has, and how she is feeling. It is understandable that this process would shock or surprise her.

Emphasize how you are feeling as an adult and how you are making this decision rather than just educating the process details. “I love [dog] so much and i wish he could be with us forever. But he is old, and sick, and not going to get better. I know that it is hard for [dog] when he cannot do the things he loves. That is why I am listening to the vet’s advice about euthanasia. It is not killing the dog, but it is helping him die peacefully and comfortably when it is already dying. It is a very hard thing to do, but we are very sure it is the right choice because we have thought about it a lot and we have listened very carefully to our vet.”

Adjust as needed. But I agree that now that you’ve broached this topic you need to follow through. And I actually think it’s the right approach regardless. Kids can handle truth and hard things with proper support and it gives them the tools for later experiences. Think 5 years out. It is ok if your kid remembers this as a sad event. It is less ok if your kid remembers it as the time they realized that you were lying or a time that was confusing and hard to understand.

Lastly, circle back as much as needed after and provide the same, consistent explanation for why this happened. Your kid may ask a lot but it doesn’t mean the explanation wasn’t enough, it just means they need to keep hearing it. Resist the urge to vary your story or explanation. Consistency will help their processing.

Be ready too for questions like what happens to the body. Eg - you may not want to lead with “they burn it into ashes” even though that’s true, it’s very graphic and jarring image of your family pet. We answered by first talking about how the body is left but our dog was gone and there are a couple choices what you can do with the body. We wanted ashes because they allow a body to return to nature as dust. so we had the vet send the body to a place that takes care of animals after they are dead. The place cleans the body and makes a paw print for us to keep and remember, then they place it into a big machine. The machine helps the body become ashes and they provide us the ashes in a box. We can bury or spread them to help our dog be a part of nature forever, and we think that would make them happy.

Just share that Rover died or that Rover died and is now in heaven. No need to share that the death was planned.

I would 100% tell her. We had to euthanize our old cat and the kids (6 and 8) handled it perfectly fine. They were sad obviously, but they appreciated being able to say goodbye. And I don’t like lying to my kids, even in cases like this.

You do realize that 9 year olds aren’t dumb though and since you’ve started this conversation with her, she will likely ask if you had it euthanized when you tell her the dog died while she was at school, right?

I agree with PP. I would just tell her the dog died. If you do not elaborate, that is a true statement even if the vet euthanized.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly given her reaction I would probably just do it while she is at school and say the dog died, however do you think not having a chance to say goodbye could make things worse.

I have a child the same age who has learned a lot about the world over the past year and I feel like it’s a lot. I would not feel the need to add euthanization to the mix personally.

Thanks. Yes, I wanted her to say goodbye. But today's conversation may have been enough to start that process, since she is spending her day off with the dog now.

Honestly given her reaction I would probably just do it while she is at school and say the dog died, however do you think not having a chance to say goodbye could make things worse.

I have a child the same age who has learned a lot about the world over the past year and I feel like it’s a lot. I would not feel the need to add euthanization to the mix personally.

We need to euthanize our very old dog. (Actually I wish we'd done it before things deteriorated this far, but that's a different post.) I tried to prepare my 9.5 year old today and she is horrified that we would kill our beloved pet. So I'm talking to her about quality of life and how we must do the kind thing ... but I'm also hedging by saying the dog could pass on her own.

I think we need to do this next week, and I plan to have a vet come to the house. Should I be honest? Or do it while she's at school and say the dog died?