Friendly, not emotionally close. He’s quite religious and I am not. But he’s a delightful guy.

Like Crazy Aunt Edna. I try to keep my distance.

Somewhere in between the two.

Anonymous wrote:Like a friendly uncle.

Agree. Except DH and his father are close, and my FIL is very handy and just has all this random knowledge about practical life things so we use him as a resource a lot (and I think he loves it.)

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why anyone expects you to meet some random older adult when you’re, like, 28…see them a few times a year…and be expected to think of them like “family.”

Because they aren't 'random'? Presumably, they helped raise the person you chose to be your most important partner. If you have children, generally they love your children as well. I wouldn't call them like a father or a distant relative, but somewhere in the middle, and definitely family.

Obviously, some FIL are terrible people and/or didn't help raise your spouse, but for the sake of argument, let's assume we're talking about a FIL that falls within normal societal expectations.

Anonymous wrote:Like a friendly uncle.

My FIL has dementia so the relationship is effectively over but uncle was what it was before.

Anonymous wrote:Like a friendly uncle.

+1

I am closer with my in-laws than my own family.

Uncle

If my FIL tried to act like a father I would stand up to him. No one needs another parent figure in their life telling them what to do. He can order dh around or tell him what to do. (And I like my FIL and get along just great, but he's not a father)

I don’t get why anyone expects you to meet some random older adult when you’re, like, 28…see them a few times a year…and be expected to think of them like “family.”

Not like a father.

I don’t know. ILs all exist in this weird in between. I can’t compare them to any family member I’ve known since I was a kid— I met them once I was well into adulthood, we cannot have that kind of relationship.

But more than an acquaintance. I married their son, I’ve stayed in their home, etc.

It’s just a distinct category of relationship. I guess it’s closest to a longtime work colleague or neighbor?

Civil.

Slightly more than an acquaintance

Like a friendly uncle.

How's your relationship with your FIL?