Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry, OP. This is not right. Do you think you want a divorce? Can you manage without him financially?

Think about it
hugs.

If he agrees to sell our house, yes. I’d walk away with half the equity (~200K) would be my half of the share. I wouldn’t ask for any of his retirement, pension, or even child support.

The issue would be if he contented the divorce and wants to piss away our savings in legal bills and puts up a fight or wants to keep the house.

Ok up hold up! Why are you saying you would not ask for pension or child support? That’s insane. If you get divorced, you need to fight for every penny you’re entitled to. That’s half of marital assets, which includes half of anything he has saved during your marriage including pension, and child support. Don’t cut yourself or your kids short. He would spend the extra money on travel trips for himself. Get what you deserve so you can save it for your kids and for your own retirement so you aren’t as much of a burden to your kids when you are old. There’s no reason to say you would not take what you were entitled to financially

I hear what you’re saying.

To minimize conflict with him. I have my own savings and retirement to protect. I would not want to divvy mine up either.

I could reasonably ask for about $500-800/month in child support but I’d almost rather ask he put that money into a trust or other account for our child.

Woah- no one I know gets that little in child support!!! Especially if he makes more than 100k. You have a lot of misconceptions about divorce. Check out some books at the library. My best friend gets $2400 and her dh doesn't make a ton of money. You have a 3 year old.

Additionally, you don't have to give him 50% custody if he's out of town 6 months a year.

Anonymous wrote:1) Agree with the person who suggested seeing if you can get a nanny.

2) I'd give the husband an ultimatum - allow you to see other people or get a divorce. He's gone 6 months out of the year, he can (and probably is already without your consent) see other people then and you can too.

Ooh it’s not about me wanting to see other people. I’d rather he support me in a decision to get cosmetic surgery to repair my abdominal wall from my c section or just have time to knit or sew a project.

Or not complain if I order $30 shampoo from Sephora.
Or if I want to get eyelash extensions.
Or complain if I want a night for myself.
Or if my family wants to come visit and stay.
Or whine that I spend money on Botox.

I’d like to add we have a hefty savings account, zero debt aside from our mortgage and I work full time.

divorce him. you don't need each other.

1) Agree with the person who suggested seeing if you can get a nanny.

2) I'd give the husband an ultimatum - allow you to see other people or get a divorce. He's gone 6 months out of the year, he can (and probably is already without your consent) see other people then and you can too.

If you think that you would be okay financially without him, you should speak with a divorce lawyer in your state. No need to make a decision now, but you should get accurate actual advice. Sounds like you don't even like him at this point - life is too short!

Doesn't sound like your husband would actually want custody. He might fight for 50/50 to get out of child support but honestly sounds like he would be the guy that would always cancel or not do 50/50 in reality (so you wouldn't likely miss out on time with your son).

Talk to a lawyer to get some real information and then weigh your options.

Is it possible for him to fund a nanny for you and your family? Spend $$ on getting you support, since he isn't willing to be present for you. And his parents are dirtbags. He should be furious with them and let them know his family needed their help.

I hope he doesn't have a 2nd family. Hate saying that but idk...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry, OP. This is not right. Do you think you want a divorce? Can you manage without him financially?

Think about it
hugs.

If he agrees to sell our house, yes. I’d walk away with half the equity (~200K) would be my half of the share. I wouldn’t ask for any of his retirement, pension, or even child support.

The issue would be if he contented the divorce and wants to piss away our savings in legal bills and puts up a fight or wants to keep the house.

Ok up hold up! Why are you saying you would not ask for pension or child support? That’s insane. If you get divorced, you need to fight for every penny you’re entitled to. That’s half of marital assets, which includes half of anything he has saved during your marriage including pension, and child support. Don’t cut yourself or your kids short. He would spend the extra money on travel trips for himself. Get what you deserve so you can save it for your kids and for your own retirement so you aren’t as much of a burden to your kids when you are old. There’s no reason to say you would not take what you were entitled to financially

I hear what you’re saying.

To minimize conflict with him. I have my own savings and retirement to protect. I would not want to divvy mine up either.

I could reasonably ask for about $500-800/month in child support but I’d almost rather ask he put that money into a trust or other account for our child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry, OP. This is not right. Do you think you want a divorce? Can you manage without him financially?

Think about it
hugs.

If he agrees to sell our house, yes. I’d walk away with half the equity (~200K) would be my half of the share. I wouldn’t ask for any of his retirement, pension, or even child support.

The issue would be if he contented the divorce and wants to piss away our savings in legal bills and puts up a fight or wants to keep the house.

Ok up hold up! Why are you saying you would not ask for pension or child support? That’s insane. If you get divorced, you need to fight for every penny you’re entitled to. That’s half of marital assets, which includes half of anything he has saved during your marriage including pension, and child support. Don’t cut yourself or your kids short. He would spend the extra money on travel trips for himself. Get what you deserve so you can save it for your kids and for your own retirement so you aren’t as much of a burden to your kids when you are old. There’s no reason to say you would not take what you were entitled to financially

He also brings in money. Divorce is expensive - you have to have two households.

But otherwise yeah he sounds like dead weight.

Anonymous wrote:I have no advice but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you are going through this. Parenting is hard as it is and it must be devastating not to feel supported. Your husband is already missing out on your child's live. Are you sure if you split up he would like to assume the 50% that he already does not do?

You deserve better.

Yes. He would want to put up a fight.

Anonymous wrote:So sorry, OP. This is not right. Do you think you want a divorce? Can you manage without him financially?

Think about it
hugs.

If he agrees to sell our house, yes. I’d walk away with half the equity (~200K) would be my half of the share. I wouldn’t ask for any of his retirement, pension, or even child support.

The issue would be if he contented the divorce and wants to piss away our savings in legal bills and puts up a fight or wants to keep the house.

pp. **life not live!

I have no advice but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you are going through this. Parenting is hard as it is and it must be devastating not to feel supported. Your husband is already missing out on your child's live. Are you sure if you split up he would like to assume the 50% that he already does not do?

You deserve better.

So sorry, OP. This is not right. Do you think you want a divorce? Can you manage without him financially?

Think about it
hugs.

Let me preface this by saying I am already solo-parenting six months of the year. My husband works out of state for months at a time in a remote area where he cannot easily come home. His income is about 40% larger than mine, but I make roughly 102K in social services management.

My family lives in another country and I am estranged from my own mom. My dad, although he tries, has a disability, is a smoker and an alcoholic. My Dad had a traumatic life and really cannot be a physical source of support for me. My inlaws live 20 minutes away but are not a source of support either. I don't think they like me, they tolerate me when my husband is home and it's clear there's just *expectations* on me. I hosted Thanksgiving this year (at their request) and they stayed for 2 hours and ate maybe 1/4 of the food I prepared. They do not call when my husband is gone, any texts or calls I make go unanswered. When I was sick with mastitis and had a fever of 103 degrees while I was solo-parenting and vomiting, my inlaws refused to come help me because they were 2 hours away at their cabin.

I am 33. DH is 38. We have one child. DH did not get up in the first year when our son was born. I did all the night time feedings, burpings, changing. I dealt with constant health issues, like having mastitis 5x. My husband began to work out of state when our son was one and I had to just learn to adapt to solo parenting.

Even when he's home, he plans trips with his brother and Dad to go fishing and hunting. He has not once planned a vacation for our family, picked out our sons birthday presents. He is present when he's home with our son and actively plays with him but grows tired of him quickly and gets frustrated. He does not initiate bedtime. He cannot put our son down without me because my son just cries for me. He's never scheduled a doctors appointment. He doesn't know the login to our bills or mortgage.

Today, my husband is gone on a 3 day trip to go hunting with his brother and Dad. I scheduled our babysitter to watch our son while I was working. Today, my babysitter cancelled for all 3 days. I woke up with a sore throat and body aches. I called our back up babysitter and she's out of town on a vacation. I called my husband and I told him I didn't have childcare and was working solo while sick, and have an important client meeting I can't miss tomorrow. He told me he can't come home because they took one car and it would cancel his brother and Dad's hunting trip too, and they paid something like $500 for their tags.

So f$^k me, right? It's my problem to deal with to just suck it up again. My husband is zero help. Childcare, sickness, anything inconvenient is clearly my problem to deal with and mine alone. I would honestly leave RIGHT now if it wasn't for the fact that I would have to give up 50% custody and lose out on half my sons life. That is just beyond devestating. My husband knows he would have to give up his out of state job if we split up.

If life happens, like sickness, my husband is not there. It would be easier for me at this point to be a single mom and create my own life and at least KNOW that I chose this for myself than try to rely on someone who is never there for me. Even when our son is sick, he doesn't want my husband. He wants me. So my husband is helpful in the sense that he will do laundry and cook so that alleviates some burden. But damn, I am so tired of being a solo parent in a marriage.