Anonymous wrote:We are full pay so I didn’t really check COA for every school. I just assumed the most expensive would be around $80k/year.

+1 We can send our kids anywhere so no, we haven’t looked.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have enough saved for our children to go to any school they want, so no, we didn't pay attention to the cost of where they applied (we have grad school covered as well, should they choose to attend, and we expect they will).

One is at an OOS flagship, with a merit award that brings the cost down to matching state tuition, and the other is at an expensive private, but on their own applied for and received a lot of scholarship funds. Not quite as inexpensive as their sibling, but it doesn't matter.

Yes, we know how fortunate we are, and yes they know how fortunate they are

If you don't mind sharing, what school is this?

Not OP, but worked for DC at Minnesota.

I was fully aware of the sticker price and likely merit aid at every school on DD's list. I also insisted that she figure out one in-state safety as a financial safety. We have a firm budget that is NOT $60K+ and do not intend to take out loans. She has three acceptances so far, all came in where I expected in merit aid and all well within budget.

This is not something I'd likely get into in real detail in casual conversation at a party. I do have friends who discuss college finances, merit aid etc. but we know each other very well and have been through this process together a couple times. But I also have a friend who gives not a thought to COA and I know she has a large trust fund that will pay for any college her 4 kids want. Outside of that, she and her family live quite frugally so I'm sure people who don't know her have no idea that college funds are just not an issue. So, I generally assume that people who say they don't know or don't care or "we'll figure it out" either 1) Just don't want to share their financial details, concerns, etc with you or 2) have more money for college than you realize.

Anonymous wrote:We are full pay so I didn’t really check COA for every school. I just assumed the most expensive would be around $80k/year.

+1. We didn’t look at cost, just fit.

We are full pay so I didn’t really check COA for every school. I just assumed the most expensive would be around $80k/year.

Maybe they simply don’t want to discuss that subject at a party? No snark.

We had a printed list of about 50 schools - listed in descending order of price. There was a line. An actual line in black magic marker. They could apply to schools below the line.

Merit aid was "gravy". It did turn out to be significant, at a couple schools. And we would not have been able to anticipate it, exactly. But ALL schools, to which they applied, had to start-off below the line.

We know roughly how much OOS and Private colleges costs vs instate and we know we are not qualified for any fininacial aid anywhere. Merit aid is never gauranteed anyways

Anonymous wrote:We have enough saved for our children to go to any school they want, so no, we didn't pay attention to the cost of where they applied (we have grad school covered as well, should they choose to attend, and we expect they will).

One is at an OOS flagship, with a merit award that brings the cost down to matching state tuition, and the other is at an expensive private, but on their own applied for and received a lot of scholarship funds. Not quite as inexpensive as their sibling, but it doesn't matter.

Yes, we know how fortunate we are, and yes they know how fortunate they are

If you don't mind sharing, what school is this?

Anonymous wrote:I have been at a lot of holiday events lately that were still canceled last year. I'm really amazed at how many fellow parents have no clue what the schools their kids applied to cost and whether those schools give merit awards. (99% of the people in our circles wouldn't qualify for financial aid at any but the most generous Ivy schools.)

How does this even come up?

We have enough saved for our children to go to any school they want, so no, we didn't pay attention to the cost of where they applied (we have grad school covered as well, should they choose to attend, and we expect they will).

One is at an OOS flagship, with a merit award that brings the cost down to matching state tuition, and the other is at an expensive private, but on their own applied for and received a lot of scholarship funds. Not quite as inexpensive as their sibling, but it doesn't matter.

Yes, we know how fortunate we are, and yes they know how fortunate they are

I have never been asked how much my kids’ colleges cost, in a social setting. Actually I never have been in any setting. Weird to me that it seems a commin topic at your parties. I mean, isn’t it easy to check how much another college costs if you care so much?

We know the COA of every school our kid applied.

No of course not. They applied to at least one in state that we could afford and they’d be happy at. They were told what we could afford and if they wanted to go OOS it would have to be comparable with scholarship.

I have been at a lot of holiday events lately that were still canceled last year. I'm really amazed at how many fellow parents have no clue what the schools their kids applied to cost and whether those schools give merit awards. (99% of the people in our circles wouldn't qualify for financial aid at any but the most generous Ivy schools.)

Did you just have your student apply to schools blind, with no info on whether you'd be able to afford to send them there? Did you make sure that at least one school would be affordable given your savings and ability to cash flow? Are you willing to bite the bullet and borrow hundreds of thousands if not?