Anonymous
Post 12/12/2022 09:10     Subject: Re:Hopeless son
OP, my young adult son isn't into social media but is expressing the same sentiments. I think that the experience of recent years (even before the pandemic) has made it difficult to see how any particular path is likely to be fruitful in terms of both income and happiness. I think that some of this is due to emotional detachment created when basic needs aren't being met, and you don't know what to do about it. Once you shut down and feel basically nothing, life feels like a joyless purposeless slog.

I wish I knew how to fix it. My son is in therapy, but it feels like a long process.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2022 08:58     Subject: Hopeless son
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have an early twenties son who isn't dealing well mentally with adversity and hardship. Saying things like "what's the point", "everyone else does much better" , "im old" . He told me that people his generation are creating this image online where everything is perfect and it's really affecting him. We've spoken about therapy and he's considering it but this is something very new for him.

Please tell me what you would tell any person who came to you, looking to hear something to keep going.

I don't know what to do in situations like these, it's not my strongest side.

I don't want to just say something cliché, so hopefully you have had similar experiences yourself in your life or others.


OP, I can wholly relate! My eldest has always expressed the same. Social media had no doubt made it worse, and then he found a group of friends who are very leftist. Now he feels the great job he worked so hard to get (as well as the degree) is selling out, etc. He smokes a lot of pot, which I think doesn’t help. He is under psychiatric care, but. Not good ones in my opinion. He was expressing last night that he was approaching 30 (a few years left) and doesn’t want to get there. Scares the hell out of me. He definitely feels everyone else is living their best life and he’s not - cannot accept his successes. I believe his depression centers around his appearance (overweight) but he doesn’t do anything to tackle that. There’s no doubt that there are people out there on social media that will prey on people, and no doubt social media is doing bad things. Tik Tok especially, and we’ve lost a couple influencers who just couldn’t keep up with the image they tried to portray. Hearing my son demean his successes just makes me sad.

I don’t know the solution. I just hope my son doesn’t commit suicide. Now that he’s not under our roof, it’s extra-scary.


❤️ im sorry
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2022 07:28     Subject: Hopeless son
Anonymous wrote:I have an early twenties son who isn't dealing well mentally with adversity and hardship. Saying things like "what's the point", "everyone else does much better" , "im old" . He told me that people his generation are creating this image online where everything is perfect and it's really affecting him. We've spoken about therapy and he's considering it but this is something very new for him.

Please tell me what you would tell any person who came to you, looking to hear something to keep going.

I don't know what to do in situations like these, it's not my strongest side.

I don't want to just say something cliché, so hopefully you have had similar experiences yourself in your life or others.


OP, I can wholly relate! My eldest has always expressed the same. Social media had no doubt made it worse, and then he found a group of friends who are very leftist. Now he feels the great job he worked so hard to get (as well as the degree) is selling out, etc. He smokes a lot of pot, which I think doesn’t help. He is under psychiatric care, but. Not good ones in my opinion. He was expressing last night that he was approaching 30 (a few years left) and doesn’t want to get there. Scares the hell out of me. He definitely feels everyone else is living their best life and he’s not - cannot accept his successes. I believe his depression centers around his appearance (overweight) but he doesn’t do anything to tackle that. There’s no doubt that there are people out there on social media that will prey on people, and no doubt social media is doing bad things. Tik Tok especially, and we’ve lost a couple influencers who just couldn’t keep up with the image they tried to portray. Hearing my son demean his successes just makes me sad.

I don’t know the solution. I just hope my son doesn’t commit suicide. Now that he’s not under our roof, it’s extra-scary.
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2022 22:16     Subject: Hopeless son
Anonymous wrote:he's 21 and balding


Baldness has many solutions now, both medicinal and surgical.
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2022 18:29     Subject: Hopeless son
What kind of adversity and hardship is he experiencing?
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2022 18:25     Subject: Hopeless son
he's 21 and balding
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2022 18:15     Subject: Hopeless son
To be fair, everyone puts their best foot forward on social media and in social life. We just see highlights, not the whole movie. Lot of people embellish and exaggerate to make themselves better, no need to compare your movie with their trailers.

Anonymous
Post 12/11/2022 18:11     Subject: Hopeless son
Anonymous wrote:I have an early twenties son who isn't dealing well mentally with adversity and hardship. Saying things like "what's the point", "everyone else does much better" , "im old" . He told me that people his generation are creating this image online where everything is perfect and it's really affecting him. We've spoken about therapy and he's considering it but this is something very new for him.

Please tell me what you would tell any person who came to you, looking to hear something to keep going.

I don't know what to do in situations like these, it's not my strongest side.

I don't want to just say something cliché, so hopefully you have had similar experiences yourself in your life or others.


You can be supportive but you can't figure out his life for him. He needs to see a professional. If people's faux or real perfect images bother him, he meeds to get off of social media and focus on his own life, no matter how imperfect it is in comparison because comparisons are toxic. Everybody gets different resources and outcomes, even if we all put same level of effort. Life isn't fair. As a parent, it must be tough for you, go easy on yourself and don't worry too much. Don't expect immediate results, be patient with him. That's all you need to do.
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2022 18:02     Subject: Hopeless son
What is his exact situation OP? Is he in college? Graduated? Not in school? If so, what is he doing? Does he have a long term goal? or wishes?? You provide no specifics so it's impossible to figure out what's going on with him. These issues take years to get back him on track again. You need a long-term plan to get him back on track.
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2022 17:55     Subject: Hopeless son
Hi OP I’m sending you hugs and warm wishes. My (somewhat younger) adult child is having similar issues and has been struggling for some time. I am fortunate to have the resources to throw everything in to this—all kinds of therapy (individual, group, EMDR, psychiatry for meds) and we’ve had to entertain in-patient treatment. My best advice is put your oxygen mask on first then help your child. It’s exhausting and you can listen and support but you can’t fix this, certainty not by finding something magical to say when he’s struggling. It requires long term therapy with trusted professionals. Make sure you get your own therapist ndividual therapy and do things for yourself, whether it be massage, yoga, meditation. Good luck!
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2022 17:44     Subject: Hopeless son
I’d tell him to get off social media. I don’t post the pictures of my kitchen bring a wreck, the spills on the floor, me sweating. I just post the finished dish all plated looking nice.
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2022 17:29     Subject: Hopeless son
thanks guys i agree / OP
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2022 17:09     Subject: Re:Hopeless son
It sounds like he’s depressed. I would continue being kind and supportive and really encourage him to see both a doctor and a therapist. In the meantime order some cbt self help books on Amazon and let him know if he’s feeling really badly you will help him get urgent help.
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2022 17:07     Subject: Hopeless son
Anonymous wrote:I have an early twenties son who isn't dealing well mentally with adversity and hardship. Saying things like "what's the point", "everyone else does much better" , "im old" . He told me that people his generation are creating this image online where everything is perfect and it's really affecting him. We've spoken about therapy and he's considering it but this is something very new for him.

Please tell me what you would tell any person who came to you, looking to hear something to keep going.

I don't know what to do in situations like these, it's not my strongest side.

I don't want to just say something cliché, so hopefully you have had similar experiences yourself in your life or others.


Definitely therapy.

He also needs to make friends with a different group of people. If they have a lot of social media, it’s almost a guarantee they are faking how good their life is.
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2022 17:05     Subject: Hopeless son
I have an early twenties son who isn't dealing well mentally with adversity and hardship. Saying things like "what's the point", "everyone else does much better" , "im old" . He told me that people his generation are creating this image online where everything is perfect and it's really affecting him. We've spoken about therapy and he's considering it but this is something very new for him.

Please tell me what you would tell any person who came to you, looking to hear something to keep going.

I don't know what to do in situations like these, it's not my strongest side.

I don't want to just say something cliché, so hopefully you have had similar experiences yourself in your life or others.