Nobody taught me, it's just what I wanted. I considered someone marriage material if he envisioned marriage in his future. I wanted kids in my mid-30s and would openly talk about that, dismissing anyone who didn't want the same.

People who are organized, responsible, have good executive functioning, and know how to have fun without ruining the next day with a bad hangover. Good-enough social skills, doesn't have to be super smooth. Nobody with undiagnosed ADHD, nobody with an addiction, nobody who habitually lies or blames others for their shortcomings.

You don't have to have "everything planned out"-- life seldom goes to plan. You're looking for someone with the core personality traits to manage life well, and someone who wants the same things as you, whatever that may be.

The essential thing is not to spend time dating people who aren't marriage material and don't want the same things that you do. Get rid of those guys as quick as you can, to clear the way for the good matches.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:don't go for looks; go for the slightly nerdy guys who will treat you like a queen and who aren't into partying.

My sister's goal was to marry an engineer, which she did at 23.

Op here. Well I wasted my time on the social good looking frat boys.

Yeah. You have to avoid the bros. A smart, nice, hardworking guy is better.

+1 I'm the first PP.

DH is an engineer. A bit socially awkward, nerdy, doesn't dress very well, never had a great body, doesn't know how to dance, but he treated me like a queen and was earning six figures, though, by the time we started dating, I was also making six figures. He does a lot around the house, too. I started prepping for dinner and stuff for the week earlier today, and he came and helped me without me asking. He does stuff like this all the time. Makes my life so much easier and less stressful.

The guys before him were also making six figures, but they were the good looking, likes to party type, great dancers, etc. Fun, but not great for serious relationships. They weren't looking for anything really serious. Maybe they thought they could do better than me.. who knows. I know one guy eventually got married, but he also has some traditional gender role ideas in relationships. That would've never worked out for me, anyways.

A man is not a plan 🙌

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:don't go for looks; go for the slightly nerdy guys who will treat you like a queen and who aren't into partying.

My sister's goal was to marry an engineer, which she did at 23.

Op here. Well I wasted my time on the social good looking frat boys.

Yeah. You have to avoid the bros. A smart, nice, hardworking guy is better.

What is a bro? What’s a nice guy? How do you identify which is which?

All I know is I have an incredible father who is kind and hardworking and adored me. But he also had an incredible career and would speak at conferences and state dinners. From that I was always attracted to guys who were smooth and knew how to speak well. This always gets me in trouble!

I see the problem. You cannot distinguish bros from nice guys. I don’t know what to tell you. Slimy guys are easy to spot. You just know it when you see it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:don't go for looks; go for the slightly nerdy guys who will treat you like a queen and who aren't into partying.

My sister's goal was to marry an engineer, which she did at 23.

Who are these guys and how to identify them?

Hang out in the engineering department, and not the frat boy party houses, for one.

Ok but as an adult where do you find them? All the engineers in my office are married.

Online on Match or similar

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:don't go for looks; go for the slightly nerdy guys who will treat you like a queen and who aren't into partying.

My sister's goal was to marry an engineer, which she did at 23.

Who are these guys and how to identify them?

Hang out in the engineering department, and not the frat boy party houses, for one.

Ok but as an adult where do you find them? All the engineers in my office are married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:don't go for looks; go for the slightly nerdy guys who will treat you like a queen and who aren't into partying.

My sister's goal was to marry an engineer, which she did at 23.

Op here. Well I wasted my time on the social good looking frat boys.

Yeah. You have to avoid the bros. A smart, nice, hardworking guy is better.

What is a bro? What’s a nice guy? How do you identify which is which?

All I know is I have an incredible father who is kind and hardworking and adored me. But he also had an incredible career and would speak at conferences and state dinners. From that I was always attracted to guys who were smooth and knew how to speak well. This always gets me in trouble!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:don't go for looks; go for the slightly nerdy guys who will treat you like a queen and who aren't into partying.

My sister's goal was to marry an engineer, which she did at 23.

Who are these guys and how to identify them?

Hang out in the engineering department, and not the frat boy party houses, for one.

You wait too long and all that's left are players and angry incels. Thank good for my college sweetheart.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:don't go for looks; go for the slightly nerdy guys who will treat you like a queen and who aren't into partying.

My sister's goal was to marry an engineer, which she did at 23.

Op here. Well I wasted my time on the social good looking frat boys.

Yeah. You have to avoid the bros. A smart, nice, hardworking guy is better.

Anonymous wrote:don't go for looks; go for the slightly nerdy guys who will treat you like a queen and who aren't into partying.

My sister's goal was to marry an engineer, which she did at 23.

Who are these guys and how to identify them?

Anonymous wrote:don't go for looks; go for the slightly nerdy guys who will treat you like a queen and who aren't into partying.

My sister's goal was to marry an engineer, which she did at 23.

Op here. Well I wasted my time on the social good looking frat boys.

UGH. I was taught to use my looks to snag a rich man early. That life SUCKS.

Whoever has the money makes the rules. It’s absolutely not worth it.

Make your own money. I’ve found it much more fulfilling to invest the time and energy I spend snagging my rich xH into building myself, and it’s a million times better.

don't go for looks; go for the slightly nerdy guys who will treat you like a queen and who aren't into partying.

My sister's goal was to marry an engineer, which she did at 23.

In reference to the other thread where it was concluded that the good guys with the potential to make good money are always paired up very early in life- in college or before. This makes me feel major FOMO because in high school and college, I had 0 idea what a “marriage material” guy was and how to identify them. But I had a roomate, I recall, who had been dating her engineer bf since hs. They were monogamous throughout college and he went to an Ivy League across the country. They already had it all mapped out. What jobs they were going to do; how many kids they would have.

How did she know so early what’s a good guy? And how to keep him?

I was so clueless and only now in my thirties am remembering the things she said about marriage and husbands.

Who teaches these girls? How they know? What do they know?