My mom has similar characteristics and it's difficult. She called me to say she's worried about my sister because when she called my sister, she seemed withdrawn and depressed. My sister had a difficult week so I told her she struggling with X,Y, and Z so give her time to process. My mom then called her friends and exaggerated the story I told her about my sister. Her friends know her personality so they didn't react to it. Because she didn't get enough fuel from the lack of drama, she calls my sister and tells her how to be a better wife, that I had explained what happened and that if my sister got psychological help, her marriage would be wonderful. She constantly creates drama. Lesson learnt, I should stop explaining things to my mom because she will twist everything just to create drama.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom with Frontotemporal Dementia was able to do okay on the dementia tests. She was scored at Age Related Cognitive Decline. Despite the fact that she was terrorizing my Dad mentally and physically.

Record her behavior and see another doctor.

I have wondered about this. The problem is she would never consent to a scan which I assume is what would be needed and she would not consent anymore to me bringing her to an appointment to share concern. Also, to be honest I don't think i could handle the rage fit that would ensue. My brother has had it as well and from what we are told there is not much you can do for someone deemed cognitively capable. She did agree to a geriatric social worker who she hand picked and the young woman seems to be under her spell. I guess mom can still turn on the charm.

For as nutty as she is to other people her capacity for cruelty toward me and to some extent my brother if off the charts. It's a sad situation and it's like she is becoming the worst version of herself and losing any good qualities she had.

I forgot to say, although she has never been physical, I do think she would physically attack me if I recorded her. I have a lot going on in my own life right now and after many years of this I don't really have much more to give to get people to believe me. I feel like a crazy person as I leave messages for her doctors and the geriatric social worker. And really what are they going to do, if she refuses consent. Basically the social worker makes sure she isn't living unsafely and the doctors know to assess vision, reflexes etc to make sure she is safe to drive. I forgot to mention we have another sibling-older sister who is actively working against us. She has mom funding all sorts of things so she just gaslights us, tells mom we are complaining about her and works it into more profit for her. It's a mess!

She's mentally ill, obviously, and your job is to stay as far away from her as possible. You're independent. You don't need her. Why on earth would you stay in contact with such a person? She can die alone, OP. That is one of the sad consequences of those mental illnesses that come with aggression and cruelty.

Anonymous wrote:My mom with Frontotemporal Dementia was able to do okay on the dementia tests. She was scored at Age Related Cognitive Decline. Despite the fact that she was terrorizing my Dad mentally and physically.

Record her behavior and see another doctor.

I have wondered about this. The problem is she would never consent to a scan which I assume is what would be needed and she would not consent anymore to me bringing her to an appointment to share concern. Also, to be honest I don't think i could handle the rage fit that would ensue. My brother has had it as well and from what we are told there is not much you can do for someone deemed cognitively capable. She did agree to a geriatric social worker who she hand picked and the young woman seems to be under her spell. I guess mom can still turn on the charm.

For as nutty as she is to other people her capacity for cruelty toward me and to some extent my brother if off the charts. It's a sad situation and it's like she is becoming the worst version of herself and losing any good qualities she had.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look up borderline personality disorder and see if it might fit for her.

Yeah, I means he does have some of these qualities, but I will say when she stays on meds ever so briefly it dulls the compulsion. It's just so sad because it drives her few friends away. When she is medicated she can at least interact with them in more positive ways. I am so scared of descending into troll life myself one day. She has this deranged look in her eyes as she brags about being just plain mean and she is just livid that I call her out and refuse to engage in her compulsion. Her mood does occasionally swing positive on it's own without meds and without spreading pettiness, but mostly the only dopamine rush she can get is by trying to push thew buttons of family, "friends", neighbors and strangers. Very sad.

Does she have a doctor who specializes in elderly care? Maybe you could talk with the doctor.

OP here. Every since I expressed concern before, she took away my right to get info, but I do leave messages so things can be assessed.

website called - out of the fog

Watch Dr Ramani on youtube.

Only thing you can do is gray rock her.

My mom with Frontotemporal Dementia was able to do okay on the dementia tests. She was scored at Age Related Cognitive Decline. Despite the fact that she was terrorizing my Dad mentally and physically.

Record her behavior and see another doctor.

My mom can be downright cruel. She called me a witch this morning because I was trying to help her organize her medications. I don’t have any suggestions for you OP but can stand in solidarity as someone who is on the receiving end of verbal abuse from an elderly relative.

My mom just finds joy (?) in incessant complaining.

Anonymous wrote:Look up borderline personality disorder and see if it might fit for her.

Yep this

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look up borderline personality disorder and see if it might fit for her.

Yeah, I means he does have some of these qualities, but I will say when she stays on meds ever so briefly it dulls the compulsion. It's just so sad because it drives her few friends away. When she is medicated she can at least interact with them in more positive ways. I am so scared of descending into troll life myself one day. She has this deranged look in her eyes as she brags about being just plain mean and she is just livid that I call her out and refuse to engage in her compulsion. Her mood does occasionally swing positive on it's own without meds and without spreading pettiness, but mostly the only dopamine rush she can get is by trying to push thew buttons of family, "friends", neighbors and strangers. Very sad.

Does she have a doctor who specializes in elderly care? Maybe you could talk with the doctor.

Sorry...she

Anonymous wrote:Look up borderline personality disorder and see if it might fit for her.

Yeah, I means he does have some of these qualities, but I will say when she stays on meds ever so briefly it dulls the compulsion. It's just so sad because it drives her few friends away. When she is medicated she can at least interact with them in more positive ways. I am so scared of descending into troll life myself one day. She has this deranged look in her eyes as she brags about being just plain mean and she is just livid that I call her out and refuse to engage in her compulsion. Her mood does occasionally swing positive on it's own without meds and without spreading pettiness, but mostly the only dopamine rush she can get is by trying to push thew buttons of family, "friends", neighbors and strangers. Very sad.

Look up borderline personality disorder and see if it might fit for her.

Besides the fact she passed a dementia screen, I don't think this is dementia because it takes a great deal of thought. She won't stay on her SSRIs and I wonder if maybe this is mental illness at play? She has always had these tendencies, but I think my father and her friends were able to help her behave and she had maybe a few ounces of empathy back then. Now she is a mess. My elderly mom takes great sinister pride in her acts of rudeness. I have set major boundaries, but she keeps trying to poke at me. She was particularly awful when my husband was hospitalized after a heart attack. It's like she was determined to break me. She also will brag to my brother about things like telling off a neighbor via email and then being stunned when the neighbor told her off right back. She sent a really nasty email to her cousin which her cousin never responded to. My brother said she was checking her email constantly with this deranged excitement hoping to see a response.

She gets into arguments with doctors and nurses and has been asked to leave one medical office. The way she tells the story she is always, always right and a victim. Then there are her "good deed" acts of rudeness where she will tell the checkout person who is obese about the wonders of healthy eating and programs like weightwatchers because she "cares." We cannot convince her to go back on meds and behave like a decent person because we are just her children and should obey her. He doctor has read her the riot act for not staying on meds.

Is anyone else's parent like this? What's really disgusting is she gets this rush of excitement being rude. She wants to drama and the power. And...she's in great health so this could go on for a really long time and get worse.