Hopefully, time will help. Our kids were the same until approx 9 and 11. Now they are both in college in different states, and are best friends. I never would have believed it, but here we are

You’re describing my uncles. They are in their 60s.

Seriously though- work on your response. Can you act like it’s background noise and just let them interact? They arent even insulting each other and there doesn’t seem to be a single aggressor overall. Just let them do their thing.

It may continue this way for about 20 years.

+1 get them outside, and separated when possible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let them fight to the death.

Yes, preferably outdoors.

You’re describing my nephews. They’re basically baby raccoons and with luck they’ll either grow up one day or just fully embrace their feral existence and take their shenanigans out into the alley.

Truth.

Get a jar and set a goal for them. Put a marble in the jar every time they meet the goal, and when they have so many marbles, they get a treat.

Example: They choose to work for a trip to the ice cream store. You tell them the price is ten marbles. (Start with a small number, to get success quickly.) Decide how often marbles are available. They can earn one by making it through a meal with no fighting. They can earn one by watching a TV show for 30 minutes and not fighting. Each time they get a marble, make a production of putting it in the jar and sound excited about it. They need teamwork to get the prize.

Then reset with a new goal.

If you see a child deliberately annoy his brother, he goes immediately to his room for ten minutes. Set a visual timer (look on Amazon). The ten minutes start when they are in their room. When it’s over, welcome them back and say you want everyone to keep their hands to themselves.

Put their chairs apart at meals, and make a rule they can’t both sit on the couch on the same time.

Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:Let them fight to the death.

Yes, preferably outdoors.

You’re describing my nephews. They’re basically baby raccoons and with luck they’ll either grow up one day or just fully embrace their feral existence and take their shenanigans out into the alley.

I'm trying to think of if there's any way to make them on the same team to achieve something....like a them versus you thing in a silly way. but i don't have any good ideas

Yup. It's a tale as old as time. My two older brothers did that to each other, and my kids as well.

We try to separate them when this starts. We encourage them to play something separately. Or we go outside. Sometimes a reset is what they need to decide to get along again.

Let them fight to the death.

I had to give my kids assigned seats in the mini van due to fighting each other for a certain seat. (The 1st of each month we made a switch). I agree with separating when things escalate. If a child had a special toy and don’t want to share, they play in their room. I know it’s difficult with 3 kids, but try to have singular time with each of them, even if it’s running errands on the weekend.

Our kids don’t sit next to each other at the table or on the couch for a reason.

Honestly it seems like too much togetherness and too much inside time.

Set some basic ground rules like no hitting or name-calling and give out appropriate consequences.

But don't overly involve yourself in ever squabble. Easier said than done. I know.

If they start this they go to their rooms. Not in a punitive way, just that's where they have to play if they can't handle being around others. We have a rule in our house, if you're in a common area you aren't screaming and you're sharing it with whoever else is there. If you want to yell you can go yell in your private space.

This is my life too. Mostly I just try to keep them separate.

4 and 5 year old boys (also have a 1yo but he's not old enough to be in the mix yet). I have so much fun hanging out with each of them alone and want to give them all away when they're together (which is most of the time I'm with them). I've gotten the physical violence largely under control and now its just them relentlessly annoying each other and the big loud reactions resulting from that

The day starts with the 4yo making loud noises that he knows drives 5 yo crazy and then the 5yo having an even louder whiny melt down about it. The 5yo will sit obnoxiously close to the 4yo on the couch. the 4yo will call 5yo silly nicknames that drive 5yo crazy. 5yo will put his foot on 4yos dinner chair. 4yo hide a piece of 5yos puzzle. and on and on and on and on from the moment we wake up until they go to bed. And then I react to it b/c of the noise and whining and yelling and get a sharp edge in my voice and an exasperated mood and that feeds into the cycle. They are a bit better out of the house but we can't always be out and even then its still going on in the car etc. I hate starting every morning with yelling and crying at breakfast.

Any ideas? I've tried some of the things in Siblings without Rivalry but none of them seem to have made a dent in this relentless drive to annoy each other.