Anonymous wrote:I am definitely planning to interfere. Not directly but subtly; will do my best

Unless there is physical, financial or mental abuse, you better not try to directly or 'subtly' control it.

Anonymous wrote:I kind of wish I hadn't been so supportive of my now DIL. She has severe anxiety that makes problems for their kids, and she won't get treatment.

I don't think it's a good idea to be outright opposed, but I wish I'd just stayed more neutral.

He could've ended up with someone with alcoholism or infidelity issues. You don't know if outcome would've been better or worse.

Anonymous wrote:I kind of wish I hadn't been so supportive of my now DIL. She has severe anxiety that makes problems for their kids, and she won't get treatment.

I don't think it's a good idea to be outright opposed, but I wish I'd just stayed more neutral.

My late mother was mentally ill as well as my estranged ex MIL. It’s very bad for the kids so I will try to prevent my son from marrying someone with mental illness

I am definitely planning to interfere. Not directly but subtly; will do my best

I kind of wish I hadn't been so supportive of my now DIL. She has severe anxiety that makes problems for their kids, and she won't get treatment.

I don't think it's a good idea to be outright opposed, but I wish I'd just stayed more neutral.

Stay out of it. Your view is not impartial, not even close.

So far, both my oldest kids have asked me to let them know if I see any red flags in who they're dating once they tell me they're dating someone seriously. Hasn't happened yet.

Of course. But only if the parents have been the most devoted, helpful, openminded, loving mentors and guides to their children and have always put them first. Second, parents should give advice that will benefit the kid most, instead of the parents. Then your children will want your advice. Though, in all honesty, if you have been supportive and understanding parents, and if you have instilled good values, your kid will pick up good partners so there will not be any need to interfere or give your 2 cents.

Well after your pick their college major (not history!!) and their internships and their jobs, isn’t picking their spouse the next logical step? What do I know though? Our kid surprised us by having a different sexual orientation so clearly she didn’t pick who we were expecting!

It depends on what kind of mistake.

Marrying someone who is not 100% ideal for you is one thing. Marrying someone who is a major trouble is another, but then there is a question if how it came to that, and, as someone else pointed out, it's probably too late.

It's too late to interfere. They'd just make another mistake.
You did your best to instill good judgment in them when they were children. That aspect of your job is done. The only thing you can do now is be there when they realize their mistakes.

In general: no, stay out of it. Not your life.

In some limited cases: you can ask some loving questions about stuff like their future plans and how they align with a potential partner, but avoid criticizing the partner at all and leave it 100% open ended for them to decide. Attempt only if you have a fantastic, mature, mutually respectful relationship, they have expressed interest in your feedback, and you are someone who knows how to do this tactfully without being pushy or judgmental (applies to like .01% of people)

Why do you think it’s a mistake? There are ways you can encourage your child to think further about the decision, but ultimately it is their decision.

Stay out of it.
It is their mistake to make

Otherwise they will blame you

If you sense your adult child is making a mistake by marrying their partner?