OP I don’t go either and they were disappointed at first but now it’s just how it is. It’s also liberated my DH to be more honest with them about his own beliefs (he is not religious) and made it easier to accept that we aren’t raising our kids in their church.

Anonymous wrote:My MIL died in her 90s during the pandemic. She was a lovely lady who lived in a small town and was super Catholic.

Whenever we visited, we went to church with her. All of us. We didn’t do it for “appearances,” because we condoned the church’s wrongdoings or views on social issues, or because we actually believe in any of it. We simply did it for her. And guess what? It didn’t kill any of us.

It sure would be nice to see her again and have to suffer through a Mass.

It’s the holiday season, OP. Stop being so nasty and be generous with yourself.

Just because it worked for you doesn't mean it works for op. You stop being so small minded and judgmental. You go right on ahead and show your support for an institution that has done tremendous damage to others but don't you tell others to do the same.

What if you find a church that is LGBTQ positive and attend there instead? It might make breaking the news easier to have a different church to go to instead, even if it's just once or twice and then you start enjoying Sundays in peace.

Every Sunday, or are you talking about once over the holidays? If it's just once a year, I'd suck it up and go. But if it's every week, you need to just say no. Start with a polite refusal, "it's not really for me," and escalate if they don't take no for an answer

I think you should stop going. I don't know your circumstances, but going to church every Sunday sounds pretty horrid. Aside from the theology bit, it's just boring and a waste of a day off. It seems odd to me that it's a thing people would do because their inlaws wanted it, but every family is different. I used to go to a lot of things with my inlaws, but over the years I just started refusing. It was once or twice a week, and it was always something I didn't want to do and it was just for appearances. I started by just saying I had work to do, or I had a migraine, or whatever. Eventually they stopped expecting me to go. Now I just go on holidays or special occasions. It annoys my husband a bit, but it's been about 5 years now and we don't seem in danger of divorce.

My MIL died in her 90s during the pandemic. She was a lovely lady who lived in a small town and was super Catholic.

Whenever we visited, we went to church with her. All of us. We didn’t do it for “appearances,” because we condoned the church’s wrongdoings or views on social issues, or because we actually believe in any of it. We simply did it for her. And guess what? It didn’t kill any of us.

It sure would be nice to see her again and have to suffer through a Mass.

It’s the holiday season, OP. Stop being so nasty and be generous with yourself.

Then don't go. I stopped going years ago.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok. Adults use their words. Tell them you don’t want to go. Problem solved.

+1. It's okay to decline. Tell them you'll stay home and pop that breakfast casserole in the oven or something. Not a big deal.
Signed,
Regular church-goer

DP. I think the problem OP is facing is that unlike people who go to church for the spiritual aspect, OP's PILs go for appearances and expect OP to enhance their appearance.

This should have been dealt with before marriage.

Anonymous wrote:Ok. Adults use their words. Tell them you don’t want to go. Problem solved.

+1. It's okay to decline. Tell them you'll stay home and pop that breakfast casserole in the oven or something. Not a big deal.
Signed,
Regular church-goer

Ok. Adults use their words. Tell them you don’t want to go. Problem solved.

Don’t go. Tell your in-laws that you’ll attend when the church atones. Any century now, that may happen

Why do you have to go? Is DH pressuring you? If so, was this not discussed pre-marriage?

So?

Either go to appease them or refuse. What is your point in posting here? It's really an issue for you, DH, and in laws. Nobody can decide for you.

Okay, so don't go??

It’s annoying. It’s a waste of a Sunday and I don’t want to go. This pressure to attend a place that is allowed to discriminate against gay people and that has t atoned for the millions of molested children is not somewhere I honestly want to go and pretend that I think it’s great.