Anonymous wrote:I pretty much do it all. Don't want to.

I pretty much don't do anything nowadays, because I also don't want to. My DH does it all. I used to be a SAHM, now I am a SAHW. He works full time. Kids are doing well. That was the only thing he wanted from me was to raise happy, successful, moral kids and create a happy and peaceful family life. Done & done.

My husband and I are a little different in that we are younger (early 40s) but do not have kids

Bills--me
Housework--both
Appointments--both (we make our own personal appointments, house related appointments we split)
Buying gifts--both (typically buy for our own families or origin)
Holidays--not sure what this means exactly. He cooks so he will do most if we host. Holiday plans we each figure out with our own respective families of origin (always his for thanksgiving and mine for Christmas).
Food shopping and prep--him
Social life--mostly me
Trips--both. He usually books flights/hotels, I figure out what to do when we are there
Laundry--both (each do our own)
Yard work if appropriate--n/a live in condo
Car repair--mostly him
Maintaining relationships within family, friends--both. Typically reach out to our own families of origin. I do more maintaining relationships with friends than him.

DH is retired, I am not. He is six years older than I am. I work about fifty hours a week.

Bills - he handles
Housework - outsourced, but I handle day-to-day
Appointments - he handles for himself and he forgets them sometimes because he refuses to maintain a calendar
Buying gifts - I handle
Holidays - I handle
Food shopping and prep - we make grocery lists and meal plans together, he handles cooking, I do cleanup
Social life - I handle
Trips - I handle
Laundry - he handles his own
Yard work if appropriate - outsourced
Car repair - outsourced
Maintaining relationships within family, friends - I handle

Bills -- me. Also investment decisions and maintaining paperwork. He does the taxes using software.
Housework -- he usually does once-over cleaning, I do deep cleaning
Appointments -- mostly me, but I turned the dentist over to him
Buying gifts -- mostly me, or him but I do most of the choosing
Holidays -- all me
Food shopping and prep -- he does one trip to one store every week; I do everything else
Social life -- me
Trips -- mostly me
Laundry -- mostly him
Yard work if appropriate -- he hires and pays the lawn guys; I do what little gardening gets done
Car repair -- we each handle our own cars. I handle the parking permits
Maintaining relationships within family, friends -- we handle our own, mostly. Sometimes I order food gifts for his brothers' families.

Now that we are retired:

Bills - I do them
Housework - we have a bi- level home. One floor is done by me, one floor is done by him
Appointments - each handle our own. He handles the dog
Buying gifts - whomever cares the most that a gift is given. To our adult children it flip-flops re: which of us, from year to year, any good ideas
Holidays - we put up whatever matters to us individually
Food shopping and prep - we eat and shop like roommates
Social life - I need more. I arrange for me
Trips - I plan all. I like planning. He doesn't care much for traveling. Sometimes he'll go, sometimes he doesn't
Laundry - each our own
Yard work if appropriate - hire out
Car repair - mostly me
Maintaining relationships within family, friends - He has a stronger online network. I refer IRL.

Bills - we split up the utilities and have them on autopay. Medical bills mostly he handles.
Housework - both. I tidy, he does everything in the kitchen and runs the Roomba from time to time.
Appointments - both. We add to Google Calendar as it comes up.
Buying gifts - me
Holidays - me
Food shopping and prep - him
Social life - me
Trips - me
Laundry - both
Yard work if appropriate - him
Car repair - him
Maintaining relationships within family, friends - both. I just have more people in my life as I am more extroverted.

How much has changed over the years, or maybe they haven't?

Bills - me
Housework - him
Appointments - him
Buying gifts - me. I give money to make things easier for me.
Holidays - it's just us so no plans.
Food shopping and prep - him
Social life - none. Don't really want one to be honest.
Trips - don't do trips. We don't want to leave our cats alone.
Laundry - him but I fold and save.
Yard work if appropriate - him
Car repair - him
Maintaining relationships within family, friends - him

Me: cooking, scheduling/taking kids to appts, buying kids clothes/items and donating what we don’t need anymore, any/all planning like vacations, what we are doing over the weekend, large purchases, etc

Husband: laundry, dishes, take out trash, keep car filled with gas, pack kids lunches, school pickup and drop off.

We split grocery shopping and bill paying.

Basically I keep our lives and schedules organized and he keeps the house from being a disaster. This is a good split for us - we stick to our strong areas. I would rather do anything than dishes

Anonymous wrote:I pretty much do it all. Don't want to.

You and me, sister. It sucks

I pretty much do it all. Don't want to.

Bills - me because I stress about money so I would always be asking questions and would drive my spouse crazy

Housework - housekeeper that my spouse arranges for and pays (out of joint account). For in between messes, whoever sees something that needs to be done does it.

Appointments - we each take care of our own health and personal appointments. I take care of vet appointments. That started because I took care of the kids doctors and I just naturally did it. Also I get more leave. I took care of kids’ appointments because I wanted control over decision making and always had more questions so it made sense for me to do it.

Buying gifts - we both take care of this

Holidays - we both take care of this

Food shopping and prep - we both take care of this

Social life - we both take care of this

Trips - mostly me because I always have somewhere I want to go

Laundry - we both do it

Yard work if appropriate - spouse because I never live up to their standards

Car repair - oldest kid who’s a mechanic

Maintaining relationships within family, friends - for family mostly spouse because my parents are dead and we have very regimented gatherings in my family so no planning necessary. For friends we both take care of this

He’s supposed to do the laundry, kid doctor appointments, house maintenance, car maintenance. I do everything else. He does those things about 30% of the way. My bumper is currently being held on by duct tape, for example.

Now that the kids are gone, it's just you both.
And...how did you come to this system, if there is one (I will bet $$ that some of you do it all, right?)

Bills
Housework
Appointments
Buying gifts
Holidays
Food shopping and prep
Social life
Trips
Laundry
Yard work if appropriate
Car repair
Maintaining relationships within family, friends