Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a therapist. This would have to be reported.

And I agree with the PP, this should not be your biggest concern.

What? Because he grabbed the kid? God help our culture if we think it's better to lock up a parent or divorce him because he grabbed his kid too hard in a moment of frustration. Where is the compassion? Where is the proportionality? It really doesn't sound like he was trying to hurt the kid. Maybe he didn't realize how much force he was applying. Maybe he didn't realize the point at which he woudl leave a mark. And what's "a mark," anyway - a bruise? The slight discoloration in skin that comes from pressure or heat and then dissipates after a few seconds? As long as he now acknowledges that he squeezed too tight, I think everyone needs to get over it.

+10000

I am a different poster and agree with this. It’s legal to spank your kids. He needs better emotional regulation but this isn’t CPS-worthy IMO. And I am a mandated reporter and have reported to CPS before.

Therapist here again. Well if you are a mandated reporter, which I am seriously doubting you are, then you would know that it is not our job to decide if something is “CPS worthy", that is up to CPS to decide. Our job is to report and let CPS take action or decide not to. We risk our license if we decide to make those kinds of calls, but I suppose since you are a “mandated reporter“ you would’ve known that, huh?

You sound unstable. Why would anyone seek help from you?

OP NEVER get involved with CPS.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a therapist. This would have to be reported.

And I agree with the PP, this should not be your biggest concern.

What? Because he grabbed the kid? God help our culture if we think it's better to lock up a parent or divorce him because he grabbed his kid too hard in a moment of frustration. Where is the compassion? Where is the proportionality? It really doesn't sound like he was trying to hurt the kid. Maybe he didn't realize how much force he was applying. Maybe he didn't realize the point at which he woudl leave a mark. And what's "a mark," anyway - a bruise? The slight discoloration in skin that comes from pressure or heat and then dissipates after a few seconds? As long as he now acknowledges that he squeezed too tight, I think everyone needs to get over it.

+10000

I am a different poster and agree with this. It’s legal to spank your kids. He needs better emotional regulation but this isn’t CPS-worthy IMO. And I am a mandated reporter and have reported to CPS before.

Then you do not know what you are doing. I am also a mandated reporter and leaving marks always requires a report. PP, maybe you should think about changing professions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a therapist. This would have to be reported.

And I agree with the PP, this should not be your biggest concern.

What? Because he grabbed the kid? God help our culture if we think it's better to lock up a parent or divorce him because he grabbed his kid too hard in a moment of frustration. Where is the compassion? Where is the proportionality? It really doesn't sound like he was trying to hurt the kid. Maybe he didn't realize how much force he was applying. Maybe he didn't realize the point at which he woudl leave a mark. And what's "a mark," anyway - a bruise? The slight discoloration in skin that comes from pressure or heat and then dissipates after a few seconds? As long as he now acknowledges that he squeezed too tight, I think everyone needs to get over it.

+10000

I am a different poster and agree with this. It’s legal to spank your kids. He needs better emotional regulation but this isn’t CPS-worthy IMO. And I am a mandated reporter and have reported to CPS before.

Therapist here again. Well if you are a mandated reporter, which I am seriously doubting you are, then you would know that it is not our job to decide if something is “CPS worthy", that is up to CPS to decide. Our job is to report and let CPS take action or decide not to. We risk our license if we decide to make those kinds of calls, but I suppose since you are a “mandated reporter“ you would’ve known that, huh?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a therapist. This would have to be reported.

And I agree with the PP, this should not be your biggest concern.

What? Because he grabbed the kid? God help our culture if we think it's better to lock up a parent or divorce him because he grabbed his kid too hard in a moment of frustration. Where is the compassion? Where is the proportionality? It really doesn't sound like he was trying to hurt the kid. Maybe he didn't realize how much force he was applying. Maybe he didn't realize the point at which he woudl leave a mark. And what's "a mark," anyway - a bruise? The slight discoloration in skin that comes from pressure or heat and then dissipates after a few seconds? As long as he now acknowledges that he squeezed too tight, I think everyone needs to get over it.

This wouldn't necessarily mean OP's husband would be locked up. You're right, we don't know what the mark is, but if a mental health professional reports it to the police they and/or a prosecutor will determine what happens.

But your statement "everyone needs to get over it" really stands out to me. I assume you are including the child in "everybody?" The child didn't actually do anything wrong but has been sent the clear message that she is not physically safe. This child has no idea how to contextualize the issue of what happens because, well, she/he is a child. They don't know how to get over it, not yet. You are probably also one of those people who thinks that therapy is a racket and people need to stop blaming their parents for everything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a therapist. This would have to be reported.

And I agree with the PP, this should not be your biggest concern.

What? Because he grabbed the kid? God help our culture if we think it's better to lock up a parent or divorce him because he grabbed his kid too hard in a moment of frustration. Where is the compassion? Where is the proportionality? It really doesn't sound like he was trying to hurt the kid. Maybe he didn't realize how much force he was applying. Maybe he didn't realize the point at which he woudl leave a mark. And what's "a mark," anyway - a bruise? The slight discoloration in skin that comes from pressure or heat and then dissipates after a few seconds? As long as he now acknowledges that he squeezed too tight, I think everyone needs to get over it.

+10000

I am a different poster and agree with this. It’s legal to spank your kids. He needs better emotional regulation but this isn’t CPS-worthy IMO. And I am a mandated reporter and have reported to CPS before.

Yes it needs to be reported.

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are starting couples therapy this week. Things that I find common that the kids do irk and trigger anger for DH and we’ve decided to start counseling to work on our communication and be better parents. In the latest incident, DH grabbed DD because she was screaming inside and wouldn’t stop after repeatedly being asked. He left marks on her, I took pictures and insisted we need help. DH agrees. I want to be truthful in painting the full picture to our therapist so that we can grow and move forward. My question is would this scenario be something the therapist needs to report as a mandatory reporter? Do you hold back what you disclose in couples therapy?

If you disclose this incident in therapy, the way you've described it here, yes, it would need to be reported. (I am also a therapist.)

If your husband grabbed your daughter hard enough to leave marks that you could photograph, you should be treating this situation as though he is dangerous to your kid, the way you would have to do if someone did call CPS. When I worked for CPS, one thing we assessed for was the protective capacity of any other parents living with the child. You are not demonstrating protective capacity by concealing this information, but I can certainly understand the difficulty you are in. If your husband is willing to grow and move forward, given what he is moving away from, he maybe is going to have to accept that part of that growing is going to include accountability for the ways in which he broke the law and abused your child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a therapist. This would have to be reported.

And I agree with the PP, this should not be your biggest concern.

What? Because he grabbed the kid? God help our culture if we think it's better to lock up a parent or divorce him because he grabbed his kid too hard in a moment of frustration. Where is the compassion? Where is the proportionality? It really doesn't sound like he was trying to hurt the kid. Maybe he didn't realize how much force he was applying. Maybe he didn't realize the point at which he woudl leave a mark. And what's "a mark," anyway - a bruise? The slight discoloration in skin that comes from pressure or heat and then dissipates after a few seconds? As long as he now acknowledges that he squeezed too tight, I think everyone needs to get over it.

+10000

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are starting couples therapy this week. Things that I find common that the kids do irk and trigger anger for DH and we’ve decided to start counseling to work on our communication and be better parents. In the latest incident, DH grabbed DD because she was screaming inside and wouldn’t stop after repeatedly being asked. He left marks on her, I took pictures and insisted we need help. DH agrees. I want to be truthful in painting the full picture to our therapist so that we can grow and move forward. My question is would this scenario be something the therapist needs to report as a mandatory reporter? Do you hold back what you disclose in couples therapy?

Your priority should be to protect your kids. Your relationship with your husband is not the priority here.

Your husband needs intense counseling to learn to regulate/control his emotions. It absolutely is out of bounds to become physical - especially when the target is so much less powerful. I have no doubt there are multiple instances of this happening between your husband and your kids. It likely happens between your husband and you. In addition to individual counseling for him, your kids would likely benefit from it as well.

You and your husband should also take some parenting classes and implement a more effective discipline structure. I've got kids with SN and completely understand getting frustrated/annoyed with their lack of compliance. Reacting the way your husband does (you said this was the latest incident which means there's a pattern) is a klaxon that radical change is needed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a therapist. This would have to be reported.

And I agree with the PP, this should not be your biggest concern.

What? Because he grabbed the kid? God help our culture if we think it's better to lock up a parent or divorce him because he grabbed his kid too hard in a moment of frustration. Where is the compassion? Where is the proportionality? It really doesn't sound like he was trying to hurt the kid. Maybe he didn't realize how much force he was applying. Maybe he didn't realize the point at which he woudl leave a mark. And what's "a mark," anyway - a bruise? The slight discoloration in skin that comes from pressure or heat and then dissipates after a few seconds? As long as he now acknowledges that he squeezed too tight, I think everyone needs to get over it.

Don't listen to this obviously unstable person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a therapist. This would have to be reported.

And I agree with the PP, this should not be your biggest concern.

What? Because he grabbed the kid? God help our culture if we think it's better to lock up a parent or divorce him because he grabbed his kid too hard in a moment of frustration. Where is the compassion? Where is the proportionality? It really doesn't sound like he was trying to hurt the kid. Maybe he didn't realize how much force he was applying. Maybe he didn't realize the point at which he woudl leave a mark. And what's "a mark," anyway - a bruise? The slight discoloration in skin that comes from pressure or heat and then dissipates after a few seconds? As long as he now acknowledges that he squeezed too tight, I think everyone needs to get over it.

#gaslighting #psychologicalabuse

Anonymous wrote:I am a therapist. This would have to be reported.

And I agree with the PP, this should not be your biggest concern.

What? Because he grabbed the kid? God help our culture if we think it's better to lock up a parent or divorce him because he grabbed his kid too hard in a moment of frustration. Where is the compassion? Where is the proportionality? It really doesn't sound like he was trying to hurt the kid. Maybe he didn't realize how much force he was applying. Maybe he didn't realize the point at which he woudl leave a mark. And what's "a mark," anyway - a bruise? The slight discoloration in skin that comes from pressure or heat and then dissipates after a few seconds? As long as he now acknowledges that he squeezed too tight, I think everyone needs to get over it.

I am a therapist. This would have to be reported.

And I agree with the PP, this should not be your biggest concern.

Your bigger question is why you would stay with someone w who physically abused your child. My father abused me and my mom stayed and said nothing. It’s sickening to see that you’re more concerned about yourself and your abusive husband than the well being of your child.

DH and I are starting couples therapy this week. Things that I find common that the kids do irk and trigger anger for DH and we’ve decided to start counseling to work on our communication and be better parents. In the latest incident, DH grabbed DD because she was screaming inside and wouldn’t stop after repeatedly being asked. He left marks on her, I took pictures and insisted we need help. DH agrees. I want to be truthful in painting the full picture to our therapist so that we can grow and move forward. My question is would this scenario be something the therapist needs to report as a mandatory reporter? Do you hold back what you disclose in couples therapy?