With team sports, messing-up can cost your whole team the victory. Especially baseball for example. It adds a different layer of pressure, inevitable failure, and acceptance by the player and the teammates.

Just a bit different than individual sports.

But if your kid is a HS freshman, he should get to pick for sure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your DH has a limited view of team sports. I've done soccer, softball, swimming, cross-country, track, and rowing at various levels and by far the strongest sense of team I felt was cross-country, with rowing a close second.

The traditional team sports I did included a crap ton of competition for playing time, irritation with "lesser" players, and coach favoritism. In the so-called "individual" sports, it was easier to be supportive of each other, maybe because "team" wasn't crammed down our throats in the same way.

tl;dr - your DH is wrong

I agree these are a team sports cons, but I also think it's good for kids to experience these dynamics and learn coping mechanisms as there is a good chance you will run into them as an adult too in the working world.

Ehhh, maybe. In small doses, with parents who get it. But if parents either don’t realize the harms or don’t care, it can end up doing more harm than good. There are SO many ways to experience challenging interpersonal dynamics and learn from those. Forcing kids into them without acknowledging them doesn’t help, speaking from experience.

Anonymous wrote:I think your DH has a limited view of team sports. I've done soccer, softball, swimming, cross-country, track, and rowing at various levels and by far the strongest sense of team I felt was cross-country, with rowing a close second.

The traditional team sports I did included a crap ton of competition for playing time, irritation with "lesser" players, and coach favoritism. In the so-called "individual" sports, it was easier to be supportive of each other, maybe because "team" wasn't crammed down our throats in the same way.

tl;dr - your DH is wrong

I agree these are a team sports cons, but I also think it's good for kids to experience these dynamics and learn coping mechanisms as there is a good chance you will run into them as an adult too in the working world.

I think your DH has a limited view of team sports. I've done soccer, softball, swimming, cross-country, track, and rowing at various levels and by far the strongest sense of team I felt was cross-country, with rowing a close second.

The traditional team sports I did included a crap ton of competition for playing time, irritation with "lesser" players, and coach favoritism. In the so-called "individual" sports, it was easier to be supportive of each other, maybe because "team" wasn't crammed down our throats in the same way.

tl;dr - your DH is wrong

Wanting to play basketball for a HS season sounds enjoyable to your kid. Playing it year round does not. You both need to respect this.

Your kids are old enough to decide for themselves. Also, while XC is an individual sport, it most certainly does have a team component and incredible team bonds.

One benefit to most individual sports is you can play them recreationally all your life with little or no need to find teammates and opponents. Golf, swim, running. Tennis you need someone to hit with but just one person and there are free tennis courts everywhere. You can't easily play baseball, football, lacrosse or soccer without organizing teammates and opponents.

+1 on letting your kid pick, especially by high school.

But also my DS does an individual sport he just loves it. It's more pressure than a team sport because if he doesn't do well, it's obviously on him only - no excuses. It's really taught him to be humble and learn to practice and perfect technique because he rises and falls on his own efforts.

(and of course there are other kids around, just not effecting his results).

Let the kid choose. He’s old enough that he doesn’t need guidance (or pressure) from a parent to decide.

If he was 7 or 8 yes I’d say tell him the benefits of tam vs individual, but not a HS freshman.

You could tell your DH to parent the kid he has, don’t try to pressure them to be someone else more like him.

Edit- fun and exhilaration of sharing triumphs with soccer/bball teams.

Both my kids do one of each - one does soccer and swim and the other does basketball and swim. More relevant for soccer than for basketball, but the objectivity of the stop watch vs ref calling/missing fouls is very nice. My kids enjoy the teamwork and camaraderie on both their teams.

They like that they can measure their progress in swimming and work hard to improve their times and make cuts. They also love the fun and exhilaration of sharing triumphs with others. One interesting thing I have noticed is that they have made a lot of casual friendships over the years with other swimmers. They talk to their direct competition at swim meets and congratulate each other. But they never do that with kids from other soccer/basketball teams.

They are both good in different ways. One of my kids likes individual sports better because he doesn't have great hand-eye coordination. But he works hard and listens to instruction so he is a solid swimmer. He enjoys being part of the swim team.

Anonymous wrote:I think playing team sports can teach kids a lot. But individual sports are good too and most still have a team element to them. My oldest did cross country and track in HS and there was definitely a team element to those with the kids learning how to support and encourage each other.

I played only team sports growing up but doing a sport where you could more easily set your own goals and monitor your programs always seemed appealing to me. I'm thinking like running or swimming where you could work towards getting faster.

Yeah, most individual sports still have some kind of team or organization, and I can't see that one is better than the other. They likely appeal to different people, which is fine.

I think playing team sports can teach kids a lot. But individual sports are good too and most still have a team element to them. My oldest did cross country and track in HS and there was definitely a team element to those with the kids learning how to support and encourage each other.

I played only team sports growing up but doing a sport where you could more easily set your own goals and monitor your programs always seemed appealing to me. I'm thinking like running or swimming where you could work towards getting faster.

I have two boys. One plays all the team sports, including one year round at a very high level. His Dad is very invested in his sports.

My other kid, a HS freshman, does mostly individual sports and ran cross country in the fall, but he plays a lot of basketball in the neighborhood, and decided to try out for the school team, and made it. His Dad is very pleased, and also confused. He's not sure why a kid would be good at a team sport and yet not choose to do it year round. He is pressuring kid to play year round saying that team sports have so many more benefits.

Is there any truth in that? I feel like I should be pleased my kids are active enough to be healthy, and let them choose what they like that I can afford.