DS walks around the table at dinner time. We tried to get him to stop at first because we thought we needed to set a standard for when he is expected to sit in other places, like restaurants and at school.

At some point during this battle I realized that he never got up and walked around at restaurants and I asked his teachers and he was always seated when he was supposed to be seated.

So we let him walk around at the dinner table. It’s fine. What used to feel like a problem now seems like an endearing quirk.

No, it is not worth inventing consequences for this behavior. There will be plenty of natural consequences at school and wherever else he goes in life for not sitting still when it is expected of him. This is likely an instinct he cannot yet fully control. Give him time. Offer help and once he’s mature enough to want it he’ll take you up on your offer.

You also say his behavior embarrasses you. The fact that his ability to sit still is developing at a slower rate than that of other children is just a fact. It’s very unlikely this reflects a parenting failure. And even if you somehow caused this in your son, people are allowed parenting failures. No one can do this parenting thing perfectly. We’re all learning. For you to be embarrassed means when you see other children behaving in ways that are outside of what you consider ‘the norm’ you are judging the parents of the child and finding them lacking. Let this attitude go… it’s not helpful and means you see your child as an extension of you instead of as his own unique person. Your son is responsible for his behavior and you’re responsible for yours. I’d you’ve done nothing shameful, you shouldn’t feel shame.

I have a child with ADHD, but I wouldn’t jump to that conclusion with a 6 year old boy who doesn’t show any other signs. Can he do a better job of sitting still if you have him exercise to let off steam immediately before it’s time to sit still? There’s a reason why early elementary teachers will give the kids a movement break “to get the wiggles out.”

My HFA kiddo does this - it’s a stim. He can be immediately redirected though with just a reminder. I only do that if he actually needs to sit sit down. Otherwise I let him move however he wants. ADHD may be different.

In any event, movement is usually a way to get some kind of sensory input so you may want to consider whether it’s happening when he’s tired or anxious or bored.

I would try setting the minimum of rules you need - like must stay seated while eating.

The reality is that you may or may not be heading to an ADHD diagnosis. This kid is probably mild enough that it is too young to tell. But whether he has ADHD or is just a little behind his peers on working through this, punishment/consequences are a terrible idea.

First, you have to let go of any expectations of what having a snack or meal should look like. The goal is just to feed your kid.

Second, there is some good advice about this kid needing to burn more energy already in this thread. Work on that and quit criticizing the roving meals.

Third, ask the teachers if they believe his inability to sit it wildly off the mark compared to peers. They are never going to say “go get him evaluated for ADHD”, you have to probe some.

Maybe try these. https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/D9E24854-7F7B-47EF-8334-43A5C0691BF9/?_encoding=UTF8&store_ref=SB_A1033191ELI9YJUJTM49&pd_rd_plhdr=t&aaxitk=e6ad9a38774a9dfa4a243086085e4b33&hsa_cr_id=1538055990601&lp_asins=B06Y63BLBR%2CB06Y617G3S%2CB073VBC1JW&lp_query=adhd%20foot%20fidget&lp_slot=mobile-auto-sparkle-tetris&ref_=sbx_be_s_sparkle_lsi2m_ls&pd_rd_w=Jhzqj&content-id=amzn1.sym.8553600e-1e2d-4234-a78b-2c6870b302cf%3Aamzn1.sym.8553600e-1e2d-4234-a78b-2c6870b302cf&pf_rd_p=8553600e-1e2d-4234-a78b-2c6870b302cf&pf_rd_r=HM1CHQEW4AEZF5AYFA2R&pd_rd_wg=E9JHp&pd_rd_r=787c913f-eb0d-4c16-84b7-4a934041ff81

Look, he has to be “on” all day at school. Cut him some slack at home. My 8 yo is still a lot like this. I will send her outside to play if she really cannot sit still, or to run a few laps around the yard. It’s reasonable to expect him to sit for a certain amount of time for dinner with the family. But who cares if he stands up while you read a book to him? It can feel annoying, but it doesn’t really matter.

Sounds to me like he has extra energy to burn, at least that's what it was for my kid. I got him an indoor trampoline that he used in the evenings and it helped immensely. He's 11 now and has zero of the issue, but he's in sports and has more mental "exercise" that wears him out.

Anonymous wrote:My 8yr old still does this. He likely has ADHD (because I do and I see the behaviors). He is an excellent student at school and his teachers routinely praise him for being a role model for peers. His teacher received an award and in the video posted to twitter I could see him sitting quietly and attentively in the front row she she was surprised.

We just let him be himself at home - he’s obviously working so hard to control himself at school and other scenarios where it’s appropriate to be still.

I’ll add. There are times and places where it’s necessary to be able to control your body. If he is not causing issues at school, being unsafe in the car or on the school bus, injuring or annoying peers at sports or recess, etc. can you let him be? When he was younger, he would sometimes jump on a mini trampoline while I read to him. As an adult with ADHD, there is a lot of stigma and shame about being a “bad kid” who is “annoying” and “weird” and “never stops talking”. Whether or not your kid has ADHD, a lot of parenting techniques and coping mechanisms that help kids with ADHD can help all kids. One thing you can do is show him you love him unconditionally for who he is and give him a safe space to be himself while also supporting him to develop societally appropriate behaviors.

My 8yr old still does this. He likely has ADHD (because I do and I see the behaviors). He is an excellent student at school and his teachers routinely praise him for being a role model for peers. His teacher received an award and in the video posted to twitter I could see him sitting quietly and attentively in the front row she she was surprised.

We just let him be himself at home - he’s obviously working so hard to control himself at school and other scenarios where it’s appropriate to be still.

My kid is 5 and sounds similar. We don’t really do much about it unless it causes a real problem. In that case we simply discuss the specific problem.

Having a kid who was very similar at that age (mine literally learned to read standing up), I’d like to gently suggest you consider the possibility he may have ADHD. As others have said, the inability to sit still to that extent isn’t common at that age, and may indicate something else is going on.

Especially if you and his teachers have worked on the behavior, setting consequences, etc., and he’s still not staying put or sitting still. I suspect at this point you probably have an instinct about whether he’s just unwilling or truly unable to comply with those expectations. Does he seem frustrated with himself when he gets in trouble for this kind of behavior?

I’d suggest talking with your pediatrician. They’ll be able to help you with an initial evaluation, if they think it’s appropriate based on what you describe and their observations of your son.

I’m just a stranger on the internet and have nothing to go on but your initial post, so I may very well be wrong. But knowing whether there’s an underlying issue or not will help you find the right way to approach the problem. If I’m wrong, at the very least your doctor should be able to suggest some parenting classes that can help you adjust your approach to the behaviors.

This is typically an 18 month-3 year old issue, not 6. I would not threaten loss of snacks I’d just cut them out completely if he’s not eating his regular meals.

I’d also be working on sitting for increased periods of time throughout the day outside meal times. By age 6 he should be able to sit easily for an hour without getting up and minimal fidgeting. Practice daily waiting, several times each day for increasing time periods.

You take away snack as punishment? For something as benign and natural as not being able to sit still? What is wrong with you?

I know this is common at this age range but my first grader seriously cannot (will not?) sit still for anything whether it's eating meals, snack time, reading, etc.
For example he will take 2 bites of something and then walk around the dining table or kitchen, come back and take 2 bites again, repeat the same thing.
In the evening when we're practicing reading (or I am reading to him) he will fidget, stand up from his chair and listen for a minute, climb back into his seat and listen for a minute, then walk to the bookshelf and come back, listen for a minute, then off again to get something and come back, etc.
I am of course telling him repeatedly to stop moving around or that he will lose his snack if he cannot sit down (works for about 3 minutes), but is it worth coming down with more serious consequences at this age? It's frustrating for me that he seems so fidgety and also kind of embarrassing to have to explain to his school teachers how he is at home since he is more or less the same in class (maybe a tad bit better since no one has suggested going to see a specialist or anything).

Please tell me whatever has worked for your 5-6 year olds if you had one like mine.
TIA!