#1. Don't see them so often. Set some boundaries/limits about how often they visit. You can also offer to go to their home.
#2. If you're having guests -- parents, friends, significant others -- clean your house. Put things away, vacuum, and clean the kitchen and bath. This is just human decency.

It's just manners to clean your place for guests. I'm thinking they're horrified that somehow you didn't learn that.
With the doctors appointments--they're worried about you.

I would ask them to come every other mktg. clean up when they come. And tell them to leave you alone about the doctors.

I find it hard to believe a couple is flying across the country to visit their adult child once a MONTH. I also find it hard to believe a 30 year old believes they SHOULD keep their apartment a wreck.

You can stop them from visiting and intervening but you still need to see doctors if needed, clean and organize your apartment every weekend to have a quality life. Every other day do 15 minute cleaning/organizing and every weekend do an hour. That's all.

Op thinks like a teenager. Hard to believe she is 30.

Honestly why don’t you just pay for a cleaning service? Setting aside your parents, who I agree need to mind their own business, but having a tidy home is good for your mental health and it would appear you can afford it. My cleaners also organize in sensible ways.

Hi OP. Are you a man or a woman?

Do you want to live alone for the rest of your life? Or do you want to be involved in an romantic relationship?

If you want to date, you need to learn how to clean and keep your apartment reasonably neat.

Also, it’s unclear if you are talking about piles of magazines or papers sitting out, or gross stuff like dishes not being washed. Things that can lead to bugs are rude to people other than yourself because it could hurts your neighbors in terms of bugs.

Clean your place.

You are a grown up, just have respectful but clear communication with them. They may not know that even though you value their love and good intentions, their visits induce stress and anxiety so they've to limit it to once a year or stay at a hotel.

Is this your first apartment (you lived with them prior to the move)? If so, then a lot of this is probably normal growing pains…would happen to me too with my first apartment, my mom would come visit & just clean the whole place
But with time your parents will get used to the idea that you are an adult & make your own choices.
If it’s not your first time living out of their house, maybe they have some anxiety about you being so far away…which will hopefully get better with time as well & they see that you are doing just fine.
But I also second the posters saying that when you have guests, you clean up. Not necessarily to your parents standards, but you put some effort in. Do that, don’t worry about the comments, & then try to enjoy the weekend together & think of things that would be interesting for you all to do exploring your new area.

Clean your apartment. Don’t make the doctor appointments if you don’t want to.

They are just concerned because you seem passive about mature life decisions. They likely just have a hard time looking to other way when they know they “raised you better.”

Try to head off the monthly visits so they cut back a bit. Be busy with other things and people.

Tell them you will no longer be hosting more than twice a year. For those visits, grow the hell up and clean up and prepare for visitors, like a functional adult.

If they want to visit more than twice a year, hotel.

OP it sounds like your parents have supported you and gotten you to independent adulthood even though you have different ways of thinking and/or some kind of diagnosis. You feel that your apartment is under control, they worry that it is a danger to your independence.

If you want, and if you pay for the apartment yourself, you can not let them enter it when they visit. Meet at a hotel or a coffee shop instead.

Otherwise just clean up your apartment when they visit. It’s not hard to do and it’s just what people do when they have visitors.

You don’t have to go to the doctor if you don’t want to, but consider that they may be right about that. But it’s your choice.

If they can afford to fly across the country once a month to visit you, why would they need an allowance? Are you buying these plane tickets

I'm 30 years old and six months go, I got a new job that I had to move across the country for. I made it clear to my parents that they should feel under no obligation to visit me, especially since I live in a one-bedroom apartment that doesn't have enough room for more than one person. However, they have insisted on taking time off work to visit me once a month since I moved. I wouldn't mind this, except that they tend to order me around in my own apartment.

Now I won't lie; my apartment is a total pig-sty. Organization and cleanliness are not, and have never been, my strong point. But the way I look at it as that as long as my lack of organizational skills don't hurt anyone else, there should be nothing wrong. I always make sure I look good and smell nice before going into work, but as far I'm concerned, I have the right to be a total slob in my apartment. My parents think otherwise. Every time they visit(again, on their own insistence), they order me to clean and straighten up my own place. Now when I was living under my parents' roof, I always made sure to keep things clean, because it was their house and I had to respect the way they wanted it. However, my parents don't seem to respect the fact the I don't mind my apartment being a mess. They also strong-arm me to make doctor's appointments for minor body problems that I really don't mind having, again, in my own place. Ever heard the phrase "my body, my choice"?

It would be pretty low of me to cut them out of my life after all they've sacrificed for me, but I'm at my wit's end. I am grateful for all they've done for me, and I would be willing to repay them in any way that would directly benefit them. I've even offered to send them an allowance, which they always turn down. But my personal living preferences don't concern them in any way.