Kids are responsible for cleaning up their own mess. Before they move onto the next activity, before meals, and before screen time they have to clean up.

Takes a few weeks to instill it but soon they start cleaning up on their own.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I used to be like you, but then my therapist told me to play with my kids and enjoy them. Oldest is now 12 and I can see him slipping away. Let them play. You can clean later.

I, too, have talked to my therapist about this. To me, clutter is like a loud noise. It is sensory overload and causes me to shut down. But the more we talked about it, the more I realized I was worried people would judge me or think I was a bad mom or that I didn't have it together (and the "helpful" posts of "you just tell your kids they can't move on until the mess is clean and 123 that is what happens" did nothing to help me). I also grew up in a house that outwardly had no signs of kids living there. No kid art. No toys out. No fun spaces. And it sucked.

For me, I talked to my girls about how cleaning up helps the house and helps me and that helped them be invested. We do a before nap clean up and a before bed clean up. The middle is messy but fun and joyful, so that is what matters.

And if someone stopped by unannounced and saw my mess - well, I have three active and engaged kids and they have fun.

I never heard a eulogy for a mother that said "She was the best mom because she kept the place spic and span."

Honestly, I used to be like you, but then my therapist told me to play with my kids and enjoy them. Oldest is now 12 and I can see him slipping away. Let them play. You can clean later.

OP my mother was a white glove person. Saturdays we did not leave the house til she walked around with her tests. Plastic on furniture no going in the living room or dinning room. Screaming when milk was spilled....

Not one of us is neat as an adult, not one. I refuse to make beds etc. Is my house dirty no of course not, however, the over-the-top obsessiveness caused all of us anxiety to this day I am 61.

I don’t see the problem if the mess is in a dedicated space that is out of sight from guest. How old are the kids? They should straighten up the play area every night, before bed. They can take the time to take stuff out, they can take the time to put it back.

Anonymous wrote:Op here - yes I am constantly purging toys and crap out of our basement. But the girls love playing dress up and school and dolls and it inevitably makes a mess. I am trying to be more zen about it but it looks like something blew up in my basement. The summer/warm weather is easier because we are outside a lot.

If it takes more than 10 minutes to clean the whole thing (assuming no food, spills, or glitter) you’ve got too many toys out. If it takes less than 10 mins at the end of the day, I’d say let it go.

They play with one thing and then put it away. Or let them play away, but it all has to be cleaned up before dinner.

Op here - yes I am constantly purging toys and crap out of our basement. But the girls love playing dress up and school and dolls and it inevitably makes a mess. I am trying to be more zen about it but it looks like something blew up in my basement. The summer/warm weather is easier because we are outside a lot.

Limit available toys. My kids have a max of 10 toys available in the living room play area, and 10 toys available in each of their bedrooms. That sounds like a lot, but it’s dramatically less than most people have out, I find. You can clean up the mess from 10 toys in 5-8 mins, max. The rest of their toys are packed away in a closet they don’t have access to, and I swap out every month or two. I’m also always culling toys, so we’re not accumulating enormous amounts.

Not only does this keep the chaos to a minimum, it also helps them play better. They’re more engaged and focused. There’s research on this:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/singletons/201712/study-underscores-why-fewer-toys-is-the-better-option

Once a day, all toys get put away.

Consider yourself lucky that you have a dedicated space for kid mess. For many people its all over the house. Instill the discipline to clean up one activity before moving on to the next.

Clean up two or three times a day. Lunchtime, bedtime and maybe dinner time.

I am a neat freak and I handle this by having an extremely satisfying system for organizing and putting away toys, games, art supplies, snacks, etc. And then I take great pleasure in putting the house back in order efficiently at the end of a day of play session. Sorting various building toys into their labeled and correctly sized containers before putting them back in the shelf. Oh yes. Gathering all the books from around the house and putting them back on the correct shelves? Thrilling. Packing the art supplies back away onto our “art cart” with alloys labeled bins and cups? Love it.

Think of children as a next level challenge to your neat freak ways. Then let them play all day and put your skills to work. Bonus if you can turn cleaning up into a game they too enjoy.

Also, even if this sounds like a lot of work, who is going to STOP THEIR KIDS FROM HAPPILY PLAYING on a chilly Saturday in November right before the launch of the holiday season. You know if you put away their toys they are just going to demand you entertain them, right? Right??????

Your kids happiness is more important than everything being perfectly clean. If you're finding that difficult to follow, its time to use some anxiety management techniques. Lots of online info if you don't want to do a therapist. I've used it for other similar situations and its helped immensely once I got the hang of it

If you are a neat freak how do you balance letting young kids play vs having a clean house? Having clutter in our house gives me a slight anxiety attack. I feel like on the weekends I am constantly walking around cleaning up things. Right now our basement is semi finished and all the kids toys are down there. I am trying to just let them play (especially since it’s cold out) but just knowing the huge mess they are making gives me anxiety. Thoughts? Solutions? Commiseration?