My kids attend MS and HS with a heavily Spanish-speaking low-income population (40% FARMS) and they (the Spanish-speakers) definitely do not want anything to do with the kids from the other two elementary schools that feed in. Despite also speaking English, they speak Spanish around other kids to make sure they feel excluded and left out. They are mean and bullying and many of them cause a lot of behavior issues at the school. It’s a really problem that I did not really understand until my kids were there.

I agree with others that you can’t force friendships & really shouldn’t try. If your child attends an economically diverse school, s/he has a change to make friends with all kinds of people.
From the parental perspective, I’ve met a lot of people by volunteering at my kids’ school. Over the years I’ve become friends with moms from several different countries & diverse SES situations. Our kids play together as well.

Hey OP! Are these kids from immigrant families? I am an immigrant myself and sometimes immigrants can be insular. Don't take it personally but we try to create a "home away from home" so in our free time, we tend to hang out with people from the same background and try to immerse our kids in our culture. Also many of us are close to our extended families and try to spend time with them during the weekend. For example I am Middle Eastern. Friday evening is reserved for visiting my in laws. Saturday morning is Arabic class, and every other Sunday is girl scouts with the local mosque

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are starting to ask about the differences and not want to associate with friends who are from a less well off part of the neighborhood. They are starting to associate negative behaviors with certain kids or groups, which I'm trying course correct. The pandemic fragmented a lot of relationships and we didn't have a lot of in person events. We invite the entire class to parties and events, but ultimately only one or two kids will come from what is perceived as the lower socioeconomic area. All our field trips are free, we have free movie nights, lots of free events. We host events at the rec center that is more convenient to families who often don't have access to transportation. what have you done? Create smaller groups of parents and kids? Have more events to create real friendships?

Well the first thing we did was not think we could use other families to help us to check the liberal boxes of being friends with a “diverse” group of people
Then we didn’t pretend that our kids could not see the differences and were living the experience vs us a parents removed from the situation who want to engineer an experience instead of accepting that it isn’t our experience and we don’t really understand the dynamics of classrooms and school yards
Then we were honest and didn’t pretend we didn’t live in a safer and stable home and that we were going to let our kids go over to homes that were not either just to pretend.
Unfortunately there are situations where kids are literally living in physically unsafe homes:apartments ; and some have a lot more people in the home than expected and the assumption is those people will provide supervision but no one in the home is able to, and sometimes the kids themselves tell tales about their neighbors and family that made our kids scared and they didn’t want to find out if they were true
And then we finally admitted we wanted a different experience for our kids academically and socially and switched them to private school
Because lower socioeconomic schools can only offer so much and they can never offer a lot of the things that happen at the other schools because of cost and equity. If it costs money to do, it usually is not going to be an option to offer bc of fear that some kid can’t afford it. Academics come second to social services. It’s not wrong but if your child doesn’t need those services than half of their time in school is wasted.

Did you really just brand “apartments” as being “ literally…physically unsafe”?

Why is it bothering you so much if your children don't want to be friends with a child exhibiting negative behaviors? You can't force friendships.

It's really hard to do at a school-wide level even with the best luck and logistics. There are probably schools with economic diversity that have successfully built a sense of community. You'd have to research those schools and see what you can glean from their experience.

As for personally ensuring your children do not attach negative connotations to others who may have less means, that takes a lot of discussion. If they are young enough, you take your kids to playgrounds in other neighborhoods. If they are older, you encourage them to play pick-up basketball at the local rec center or join an extracurricular activity that draws participants from across the socioeconomic spectrum (4-H, basketball, track & field).

And if you are serious about making sure your kids make friends with those of other socioeconomic backgrounds, when you go to the playground, make sure you observe how to not stick out like a sore thumb (make sure your kids are wearing similar clothes, do not bring extra toys, don't carry a reusable water bottle, tell your kids in advance not to talk about any of these things with other kids (how much screen time they get, what their parents do for a living, that they live in a house, that the family has two cars, that you just went to France for a family vacation, you get the idea).

Are you asking on a personal level or as a school/PTA representative?

None of that. I never tried to force friendships and they made their own friends. It was always because of common interests. When they were little, it could have been they they like swings at recess or were the group that joined the kickball game. Now that they are older, I definitely don’t try to force any friendships.

Don’t pretend no one is different. Everyone has their differences. My daughter went through a phase where she didn’t want to talk to any boys since “all” were behavior problems. I let it be. She doesn’t feel that way now in middle school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are starting to ask about the differences and not want to associate with friends who are from a less well off part of the neighborhood. They are starting to associate negative behaviors with certain kids or groups, which I'm trying course correct. The pandemic fragmented a lot of relationships and we didn't have a lot of in person events. We invite the entire class to parties and events, but ultimately only one or two kids will come from what is perceived as the lower socioeconomic area. All our field trips are free, we have free movie nights, lots of free events. We host events at the rec center that is more convenient to families who often don't have access to transportation. what have you done? Create smaller groups of parents and kids? Have more events to create real friendships?

As an upper middle class nonwhite immigrant I would consider the possibility that’s they simply may not want to hang out with you and your kids

We are UMC white people in a diverse school - and I think you are right. The best chance of mixed attendance is for school sponsored events held at the school.

Anonymous wrote:My kids are starting to ask about the differences and not want to associate with friends who are from a less well off part of the neighborhood. They are starting to associate negative behaviors with certain kids or groups, which I'm trying course correct. The pandemic fragmented a lot of relationships and we didn't have a lot of in person events. We invite the entire class to parties and events, but ultimately only one or two kids will come from what is perceived as the lower socioeconomic area. All our field trips are free, we have free movie nights, lots of free events. We host events at the rec center that is more convenient to families who often don't have access to transportation. what have you done? Create smaller groups of parents and kids? Have more events to create real friendships?

As an upper middle class nonwhite immigrant I would consider the possibility that’s they simply may not want to hang out with you and your kids

Anonymous wrote:My kids are starting to ask about the differences and not want to associate with friends who are from a less well off part of the neighborhood. They are starting to associate negative behaviors with certain kids or groups, which I'm trying course correct. The pandemic fragmented a lot of relationships and we didn't have a lot of in person events. We invite the entire class to parties and events, but ultimately only one or two kids will come from what is perceived as the lower socioeconomic area. All our field trips are free, we have free movie nights, lots of free events. We host events at the rec center that is more convenient to families who often don't have access to transportation. what have you done? Create smaller groups of parents and kids? Have more events to create real friendships?

Well the first thing we did was not think we could use other families to help us to check the liberal boxes of being friends with a “diverse” group of people
Then we didn’t pretend that our kids could not see the differences and were living the experience vs us a parents removed from the situation who want to engineer an experience instead of accepting that it isn’t our experience and we don’t really understand the dynamics of classrooms and school yards
Then we were honest and didn’t pretend we didn’t live in a safer and stable home and that we were going to let our kids go over to homes that were not either just to pretend.
Unfortunately there are situations where kids are literally living in physically unsafe homes:apartments ; and some have a lot more people in the home than expected and the assumption is those people will provide supervision but no one in the home is able to, and sometimes the kids themselves tell tales about their neighbors and family that made our kids scared and they didn’t want to find out if they were true
And then we finally admitted we wanted a different experience for our kids academically and socially and switched them to private school
Because lower socioeconomic schools can only offer so much and they can never offer a lot of the things that happen at the other schools because of cost and equity. If it costs money to do, it usually is not going to be an option to offer bc of fear that some kid can’t afford it. Academics come second to social services. It’s not wrong but if your child doesn’t need those services than half of their time in school is wasted.

My kids are starting to ask about the differences and not want to associate with friends who are from a less well off part of the neighborhood. They are starting to associate negative behaviors with certain kids or groups, which I'm trying course correct. The pandemic fragmented a lot of relationships and we didn't have a lot of in person events. We invite the entire class to parties and events, but ultimately only one or two kids will come from what is perceived as the lower socioeconomic area. All our field trips are free, we have free movie nights, lots of free events. We host events at the rec center that is more convenient to families who often don't have access to transportation. what have you done? Create smaller groups of parents and kids? Have more events to create real friendships?