I'm in a similar position. I chose an interesting career field after graduating from a T10 undergrad and was on that steep trajectory that PP mentioned. However, fear of losing what I had kept me from taking advantage of some opportunities that would've propelled me further, faster. In the end, though, I was still on a good path.

What really knocked me for a loop was motherhood. My mother was basically a SAHM with part-time jobs here and there. My dad was a 9-5 mid-level guy at a small, family-owned business in a very small town. They were considered successful. I never saw nannies and major childcare options. When I became a mom, I did not know how to navigate "having it all" and there were no female mentors in my field that I trusted to teach me.

So, I mommy-tracked myself and killed my career. Eventually, I off-ramped altogether. I see young women now who have a sense of how to balance a lot more (truth be told, their husbands also have a much bigger role in childcare and household duties than mine did, having been raised in a similar family as myself).

TLDR: Yes, the whole thing is a game and knowing how to play all facets of it is certainly helpful. My parents thought the acceptance to that undergrad was the golden ticket. It was only the tip of the iceberg.

Yes, this is me. Elite graduate education. And similar background -- it's not just coming from a lower socioeconomic class but also coming from a rural area, and having parents with almost no experience in the professional world so I really didn't understand how that world worked or how to capitalize on my educational opportunities. I also got a lot of pressure from my parents to make cautious choices that would guarantee baseline financial stability, so I often would take the "sure bet" opportunity instead of applying for or holding out for the thing that was more competitive or might have involved less money up front (like say a prestigious internship) because the attitude in my family was that stuff like that "always" went to people with more connections. I've since discovered that's not always true, and I've had old professors and classmates and colleagues express surprise at where I ended up because they considered me to be one of the people on a steep trajectory and I just kind of put a ceiling on myself out of fear or lack of understanding.

Sometimes I regret it but other times I don't. Part of me is glad I just have this very stable job with a lot of balance. It enabled me to have a family and has protected my mental health. Maybe I was never meant to have that high flying career. Or maybe I'm still undercutting myself. I hope to provide more guidance and confidence for my own kids, at least.

Anonymous wrote:Are you a man or women?
Are you married?
Do you have kids?

What is your age?

Not enough info

Obviously OP is a man, no woman worries about this.

Anonymous wrote:I hope and believe today there are more resources for kids in this situation. Wealthy kids have parents to guide them, but for everyone else, we need someone to “read us in.” With the internet, though, it’s easier to find that information.

This is absolutely true having grown up in a similar rural area. Having parents that impart career and life knowledge as well as aspirations are prime catalysts for future income.

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re having a midlife crisis. This will pass soon enough.

The fact is that an Ivy League education is not the basis of all success, which you are now realizing too late. You have a good life. Be happy.

I KNOW THIS IS MIDLIFE CRISIS. doesn’t make me feel any better, and in fact know it’s too late to change course more or less.

3 kids, which are my joy, but worried I’m making them obsess about income and career from my own failings.

Anonymous wrote:I hope and believe today there are more resources for kids in this situation. Wealthy kids have parents to guide them, but for everyone else, we need someone to “read us in.” With the internet, though, it’s easier to find that information.

True. I entered job market before web, things like classdoor and blind and Reddit didn’t exist

Anonymous wrote:Kind of, but I don't really measure success just in terms of money. I don't think I "squandered" my education just because I could have made more money.

Well was a ticket to marrying to high earning spouse, but i wanted to do more original research and publish but the day to day of jobs squeeze out time for that.

Are you a man or women?
Are you married?
Do you have kids?

What is your age?

Not enough info

Kind of, but I don't really measure success just in terms of money. I don't think I "squandered" my education just because I could have made more money.

I hope and believe today there are more resources for kids in this situation. Wealthy kids have parents to guide them, but for everyone else, we need someone to “read us in.” With the internet, though, it’s easier to find that information.

I think you’re having a midlife crisis. This will pass soon enough.

The fact is that an Ivy League education is not the basis of all success, which you are now realizing too late. You have a good life. Be happy.

The goal for anyone should be to have your next generation do better than you. Your parents accomplished that in spades and you have the opportunity to do that too if you have children.

Keep up the good work.

Anonymous wrote:Well Yes in that I made similar choices and came from a similar background and think salaries larger than $200K sound made up. No regrets from me though. I’ve been very happy with my life and I love having time and bandwidth and stability to spend time with my kids while still making a huge (to me) salary of $120K. It’s not squandering if you lived a happy and intellectually stimulating life.

+1. OP, the grass is always greener but you may have dodged some rat race bullets.

Well Yes in that I made similar choices and came from a similar background and think salaries larger than $200K sound made up. No regrets from me though. I’ve been very happy with my life and I love having time and bandwidth and stability to spend time with my kids while still making a huge (to me) salary of $120K. It’s not squandering if you lived a happy and intellectually stimulating life.

I grew up pretty lower middle class in a rural southern town. I escaped by getting into an Ivy League and getting tons of aid.

And then promptly squandered that opportunity by making all the wrong career choices (I never interned while in college, just went home and helped out my folks), didn’t understand the potential salary ranges for various careers nor the importance of prestige and clout for your work history (I looked for interesting work in towns I thought would be interesting to live in)

That’s how I ended up in DC, working for a gov contractor on DoD projects — post 9/11 working on defense seemed cool, jobs seemed stable, and I had never lived in a bigger East coast city. I especially appreciated the stability of the job after going through the dot.com crash.

But I could have done so much more with my elite college education, I just squandered it on jobs that fit my lifestyle (clock out at 5) and stability. No idea that you real people could make $400k or $500k — my parents house TODAY is only worth $100k, so this sounds like made up numbers only people like Gates make. As an old person I realize how dumb I was. Anyone relate?