Recently I heard my 2 kids chatting and one said her birthday is her favorite day of the year. The other said hers was the last day of school. And not in a bitter or snide way, just conversation. It kind of broke my heart. School is just so hard and stressful. We try to make summers about recovering and regrouping. As she gets closer to college we'll probably think about the shortest path to a career or something that makes her happy with the least amount of traditional schooling. I'm with the poster who said it's more about surviving it and having outside things that bring joy. Mine just isn't going to like it ever.

Something that has helped my kid is to find an activity or two where she DOES feel accepted and understood. It doesn't fix the school issues but it makes it more tolerable, gives her something to look forward to each week, and has provided opportunities to make friends by bonding over a shared activity, something that has been really evasive for her at school.

One thing I have thought about through this process is to channel how I felt many years ago when I was stuck in a a job I really, really hated but did not feel I could leave until I found a better situation. It's just really difficult to go to a place everyday where you don't feel welcome or appreciated. But what helped me during that time was:

1) Feeling really loved and supported by my family and friends outside of work
2) Having hobbies and interests I could distract myself with, including kind of dumb or frivolous things like fashion or reading romance novels
3) Starting to make plans for the next phase of my life

You can actually adapt this pretty easily to a kid. What's the next level of school -- middle? HS? Can you start looking at those options and see if there are any that actually excite him? What does he like to do or talk about to totally relax, can you engage those interests more?

I think the key is not to dwell on what he doesn't like about school. I have accepted that for this year at least, my DD just has to survive school (we have more options next year with MS and are working on those now). So we're investing energy in stuff outside of school that is making life more tolerable in general, and that seems to help at least keep her going.

I could have written this post. DC just isn't a kid who will ever embrace the academic part of school. I have to accept this and just try to find the school he hates the "least".

Mine did. He was at a Catholic school where he was always getting in trouble and struggled to keep up with the inordinate amount of worksheets and busy work. We moved him to an independent school where class size is smaller, which enables a lot of discussion, there is less busy but more substantive work (almost no worksheets but lots of papers) and the teachers are happier. He rarely gets into trouble and rarely complains about going to school. It made me realize how important fit it.

Yes, DC hates it. Thinks no one understands them.

I’m sorry. I think not enjoying school is different when you know your child’s needs are not being met. We have talked a lot with my anxious child about the concept of what she likes/is easy bs what she can tolerate. My child actually likes academic parts of school but struggles with a few specific parts of the day. So we talk about what she needs so she can tolerate those things (not common struggles so we are often the ones making the suggestions to the school). It would be harder if there weren’t significant parts of the day she did like though. You have my sympathy - I’m sure you and your kid are doing the best you can.

Anonymous wrote:Why is “not liking school” even an option in your house.

Tell him to suck it up.

We have some friends at our private school who every day the mom asks the child if she like the teacher or not. Guess what? The kid stopped confused and thought about it and now says every time she doesn’t like the teacher. Why? No response.

Good grief!! I guess another snide a-hole didn't pay attention to what forum they were replying to.

Anonymous wrote:Why is “not liking school” even an option in your house.

Tell him to suck it up.

We have some friends at our private school who every day the mom asks the child if she like the teacher or not. Guess what? The kid stopped confused and thought about it and now says every time she doesn’t like the teacher. Why? No response.

Go away

Anonymous wrote:Why is “not liking school” even an option in your house.

Tell him to suck it up.

We have some friends at our private school who every day the mom asks the child if she like the teacher or not. Guess what? The kid stopped confused and thought about it and now says every time she doesn’t like the teacher. Why? No response.

Yeah, OP? Why do you allow your children to have opinions? Weirdo.

/s

Nope. For years now, he's accepted this is as good as it gets.

Anonymous wrote:Why is “not liking school” even an option in your house.

Tell him to suck it up.

We have some friends at our private school who every day the mom asks the child if she like the teacher or not. Guess what? The kid stopped confused and thought about it and now says every time she doesn’t like the teacher. Why? No response.

People like this should just get off of this board. Seriously.

My kid generally does not like school. My other kid loves school. For kids with certain needs, it is just really hard. OP, it sounds like you've worked really hard to try to find him a good fit, and the fact that he likes the social piece is great. As long as you're not dealing with school refusal, I'd take it as a win. I have the point of view that for some kids school is just getting through. My DD is now fairly content and not refusing to go, so my goal is to get her a diploma. It doesn't mean they won't be successful in life. I struggled all through school myself. Hated it. In the 70's-80's they couldn't figure out what was "wrong with me," except that I didn't "apply myself." Now that I have two ND kids I know that if it was now, I"d probably be diagnosed with something. But as I matured and found what worked for me (long after public school and well into college), I pulled myself together and I'm now successful in a competitive profession. I still have info gaps (math! My DH does the finances), but it all came out okay.

My DS has been quite a few placements and schools. We try to have him tell us about something he likes each day. He always tries to switch to what he doesn’t like, but we reiterate the question about what went well.

If we just asked him how was school today, he would always say he hates it. However when we push the issue, he can always find something (even if it’s really small) to be positive about.

If there is something specific that is always bothering him that he can’t let go of, I have reached out to the school for clarification.

In answer to your other question, my child doesn’t fit in well anywhere. We keep trying to find the right school but at this point we’ve pretty much given up and just dealing with a do-so placement (way better than the others, but still lacking).

Why is “not liking school” even an option in your house.

Tell him to suck it up.

We have some friends at our private school who every day the mom asks the child if she like the teacher or not. Guess what? The kid stopped confused and thought about it and now says every time she doesn’t like the teacher. Why? No response.

Mine does. He hates everything about it except the social piece. He has been in a few places and I have moved heaven and earth for him to be in a nonpublic which is still not meeting his needs. The problem is that his needs are so individualized I don't think there is anywhere that will work. And I have looked around. Do other people have unicorn kids which really aren't well served anywhere? He is getting older and the sense that his education is being wasted is growing. We have exploited the system to the full extent possible I think. What else is left when you get the holy grail of public education and it still doesn't work?