For all of you knocking the "dollar dance" at weddings, it is very much a cultural thing. Know your audience.

In DC, that means know that everyone will be offended by everything you do or don't do, if it doesn't comply with their very own standards and/or the latest edition of Miss Manners or Emily Post. And if their standards exceed those of MM/EP, you will offend by not meeting their standards (see, e.g., imaginary requirement that thank you cards be sent to gift givers who were thanked in person).

I'm realizing more and more how clueless people are about basic etiquette. I used to think my mom was too hung up on the "rules", but now I appreciate knowing how to properly host things. I was just talking to BIL's fiancee last night about her potluck wedding shower. Her friend is "hosting", her mother is cooking most of the food, and she has asked MIL to bring food as well. Part of her ignorance about etiquette is cultural, but the same can't be said for most people who just don't have a clue.

Woooow. A shower you have to bring drinks to?

Asking guests to bring something -- gross. Asking for money for "money tree" -- grosser.

I might bring a gift card in lieu of actual cash, maybe to Target or Babies R Us? At least I'd feel like I was almost bringing a gift.

Thankfully, this is not the norm. This is awful.

Incredibly tacky. Tacky enough that the sister is "hosting", and then asking people to bring food and drink. (Where exactly does the hosting come in?). Bring money? Yuck.
Feign illness, go on a business trip, do whatever, don't go. Sooooo crass.

Anonymous wrote:This is the 1st I have ever heard of a Money Tree for a baby shower. I know different parts of the country have different norms - I was surprised when I was in the midwest and there was a dollar dance at the wedding, and 50/50 men's bachelor events in upstate NY.

Could it be a cultural thing?

Yes, the culture of greed and entitlement.

My BIL/SIL (DH's sister) had a "money dance" at their Erie PA wedding. Tacky, tacky, tacky.

If you feel you can't decline, bring a gift card for the "money tree". Preferably one without the value written on the face of it. And maybe even inserted into an envelope with a card.

As for bringing beverages....the few times we have had showers at work, everyone contributes money for the food and drinks. So think of it as a work event, even though the sister is "hosting" (providing the venue).

It all sounds tacky beyond belief, but it takes all kinds.

I kinda feel like I've got to attend for work politics, otherwise I would definitely decline since it made me feel like a walking wallet.

So usually with any gift I include a card and write a meaningful message. Do I still do this and just put the money in there too and attach that to the tree?

Re:beverage..I'm thinking cheap wine so I have something to get me through the event? JK. I'll bring a jug of soda and be done with it.

Re:the wedding with the money tree. Where was it? In this area?

I am relieved to read this is not the new norm. Bleck!

I've never heard of a money tree for a baby shower, and think I've only been to one wedding with one. It was a few years ago, but if I'm remembering right there were little envelopes to pin to the tree. As for being assigned something to bring, that sounds like a potluck...which I suppose isn't terribly out there for a shower, though not the norm from what I've seen.

I agree with other PPs - I'd politely decline.

Tacky.

I'd decline and stay home.

I would say you can't make it and call it a day. Maybe someone else can bring the soda - OMG.

OP here. Thought about that, but she grew up in the DC metro area. My friends who grew up here never attended money tree events. I know she is part Irish, but I haven't heard of this being an Irish tradition.

This is the 1st I have ever heard of a Money Tree for a baby shower. I know different parts of the country have different norms - I was surprised when I was in the midwest and there was a dollar dance at the wedding, and 50/50 men's bachelor events in upstate NY.

Could it be a cultural thing?

OP, I'm with you. I would feel the same way about what you described. In the past, I think it was even considered rude to have a family member plan the shower. That I am fine with relaxing but the direct request for money, etc. is really offputting to me. I'm 32.

Is this common now? A coworker's sister invited me to a shower the end of this month and the invitation explicity says to bring money for the mom to be's money tree. Am I from a different planet? I was raised that this is rude and any party, even a wedding or birthday party is more about enjoying the company of your guests, celebrating with them and making them feel welcome. For showers, etc I tend to ask if there is a registry or what type of gift the person wants, and if I heard money was preferred I would give it. However, with money made so explicit as the only gift desired, I kind of felt like I was being invited to a pampered chef party.

And what does one do when you see a money tree? Am I supposed to put cash on there or a check? How much do people give for someone you just want to have a pleasant work relationship with, but you aren't close friends?

I forgot to mention we each were asked to bring something and I was assigned the beverage category. Is this common as well? I have helped host the showers of close friends, but had not heard of reaching out to all guests.

I am in my 30s and yet I find myself saying...in my day. we actually thought the true gift was people coming to your party, in my day.......Does anyone else miss social etiquette? Am I the only one who is shocked when an invitation basically says "bring money?" Am I old fashioned to prefer to find out the mom to be wants money by just asking her sister?