Anonymous wrote:I grew up with a yelling dad and sometimes feel myself getting ready to yell when caring for kids. My trick is to sing. A real song or one I make up, like "it's time to put on pants" to the tune of "the farmer in the Dell." This takes my mind off the frustration, keeps me from yelling, and sometimes even gets the kids to listen. Also agree with pep classes..and watch bluey together to see different ways for parents and kids to interact. No you can't always be fun and playful, but if a kid has fun with her dad sometimes it helps balance out the times he really just needs her to do something.

Finally, it's ok for a 3 year old who won't get dressed to go out in pajamas with weather appropriate shoes and outerwear. If the choice is that or yelling, I would go with PJs on most occasions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can find gentle language in a time that isn’t stressful- help him understand she is very young and doesn’t always understand how to do things or why it’s important. We forget little kids are still learning how to be here. Also that she’s an entire person with feelings, not just a responsibility. Parenting young children can be frustrating and difficult especially when we’re toggling between what we need to do/accomplish on a schedule and their actual processing speed.

It also might be helpful to leave more time for transitions, let them know in 5 minutes we’re getting dressed, would you like to pick out your clothes or should I, and if your child finds it helpful to narrate what you’re doing and what’s next.

+1. I am a mom and have a temper. I think the "leave him!!! Don't let him alone with your kid!" responses are extreme. He probably just needs to reframe and rethink some of his strategies. The bolded advice is VERY good because the key with kids this age and frustrating behaviors is to set them up for success. If you can *prevent* the tantrum it's much better than addressing it ex-post. I have had great success with iPhone timers for transitions (leaving playground, etc.), giving choices, and giving them a job. It's annoying for kids to "help" with chores, I get it, but it saves us SO many tantrums. Toddlers love to help and keeping them busy and engaged prevents them from being destructive.

If your kid is absolutely melting down and it sets him off I find it helpful to use language that reminds me that I am the adult and I am in control of my reactions: e.g., "I am not going to let you kick me."

And you need a safe word of sorts when he is getting too angry and needs to pause, stop talking and preferably leave the room.

Anonymous wrote:Two things helped my DH:

1. Reminding him he won’t always be bigger than the kids. So the rule can’t be “bigger human gets his way,” the rule is “Dad gets his way.” Which means he needs better strategies than strength to make a kid listen. It’s true, while appealing to his desire for authority and respect.

2. PEP parenting classes. It only took two, but it gave him strategies without setting me up as the expert and him as the intern. It gave him confidence to come home and tell me about the class (so he got to be the expert parent for a bit), and when the strategies worked without him or kid screaming he could see they were just a better way to live.


It would not have worked if I just sat him down and told him he was an abusive jerk and needed to be better. It could have been headed that direction, but calling names or setting myself up asan expert wouldn’t help any of the dynamics at play.

Anonymous wrote:If you can find gentle language in a time that isn’t stressful- help him understand she is very young and doesn’t always understand how to do things or why it’s important. We forget little kids are still learning how to be here. Also that she’s an entire person with feelings, not just a responsibility. Parenting young children can be frustrating and difficult especially when we’re toggling between what we need to do/accomplish on a schedule and their actual processing speed.

It also might be helpful to leave more time for transitions, let them know in 5 minutes we’re getting dressed, would you like to pick out your clothes or should I, and if your child finds it helpful to narrate what you’re doing and what’s next.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can find gentle language in a time that isn’t stressful- help him understand she is very young and doesn’t always understand how to do things or why it’s important. We forget little kids are still learning how to be here. Also that she’s an entire person with feelings, not just a responsibility. Parenting young children can be frustrating and difficult especially when we’re toggling between what we need to do/accomplish on a schedule and their actual processing speed.

It also might be helpful to leave more time for transitions, let them know in 5 minutes we’re getting dressed, would you like to pick out your clothes or should I, and if your child finds it helpful to narrate what you’re doing and what’s next.

Adding

My husband has a tough time and gets overwhelmed. Adhd and anxiety. It translates to choppiness with kid. I agree physicality is not ok and to get parenting help. But it might be a learning curve thing too.

Anonymous wrote:If you can find gentle language in a time that isn’t stressful- help him understand she is very young and doesn’t always understand how to do things or why it’s important. We forget little kids are still learning how to be here. Also that she’s an entire person with feelings, not just a responsibility. Parenting young children can be frustrating and difficult especially when we’re toggling between what we need to do/accomplish on a schedule and their actual processing speed.

It also might be helpful to leave more time for transitions, let them know in 5 minutes we’re getting dressed, would you like to pick out your clothes or should I, and if your child finds it helpful to narrate what you’re doing and what’s next.