Anonymous
10/27/2022 16:47
Subject: Mom's Rumination
In my family excessive rumination definitely seems to be a step on the path to Alzheimers so I agree with PP to start looking at other living arrangements for her. it only gets worse and it's easier to manage meds at a residential. Also, you can visit without the kids and when you visit with them, prep them for it with strategies and have an exit plan if that doesn't work, then go do something special after. It's so much easier to have quality visits and be on your best behavior and use strategies, when you know you get to leave at a certain time.
Anonymous
10/27/2022 16:20
Subject: Mom's Rumination
My MIL has late-stage Parkinson's and has become very ruminative, particularly over her past struggles (escaping war, raising 4 kids on very little, losing two children, her husband's bipolar disorder, heavy stuff).
My husband is very patient and listens to her every word, which is SO helpful. It makes her feel heard and lightens her load, even if she goes right back to repeating everything the next day. Her other kids don't have that patience, and honestly, I don't have either.
I'm not sure your mother can change. You can always ask her not to talk about these things to your kid, see if she can manage that at least. And please train your child to deflect, change the subject and leave if they feel too uncomfortable. Your child should not be bearing this burden.
Ultimately, perhaps it's time to start looking for alternative accommodation for your mother.
Anonymous
10/27/2022 16:10
Subject: Mom's Rumination
Anonymous wrote:My mom is in her 70s for about 6 months out of the year.
She constantly ruminates and it is depressing.
Her brother died 10 years ago, and her sister died last year. She was close to both siblings so I realize it's difficult. Last week, I asked whether she would like us to do something special in honor of her siblings such as volunteer to help the elderly, donate money to the food bank, or whatever would be meaningful to her. My mom loves to help people. I was trying to help her divert her mental energy into something positive that focuses on her siblings. Both her siblings were kind and I think it would be great to give something back in their honor. She was somewhat interested in that but then went right back to the rumination.
A few days ago, DC told me grandma's conversations were stressful and scary. When DC and my mom are together, my mom tells her about her own mother's Alzheimer's disease which was awful. Instead of framing it as something was wrong with my mom's brain, etc., she tells my DD that her mom "went crazy" in the end, that her mom once thought her niece was trying to break-in the house, and threw a heavy chair at her, and tells DD that she shouldn't be scared if one day grandma starts acting like that. I explained to my mom that DD is an anxious child and these conversations were difficult for her to process. My mom then goes on, "are you surprised your child is anxious? Look how much you shelter them from bad things that happen to people." I reminded her that I was candid with my children when their grandpa was dying. I didn't sugar coat it but that you need to explain situations to children taking their emotional social development in mind, that the conversations you have with a 14 year old is different than an 9 year old.
DH is now also stressed out saying that my mom's ruminations and constant discussions about everything bad that happened to her loved ones is depressing everyone in the house.
"My mom is in her 70s for about 6 months out of the year."
Not understanding this quote. Did you mean that she's in her 70s and spends 6 months of the year with you?
Anonymous
10/25/2022 16:23
Subject: Mom's Rumination
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's so common and so stressful. First off. I'm thinking maybe you mean she is with you half the year and not that she is in her 70s for half the year :)?
The only thing we found that worked was meds and then boundaries. Let her doctor know how bad the rumination is and how it making people dislike being around her. Don't sugar coat. You want the doctor to take it very seriously. Maybe brainstorm what might help to get her to agree to meds. Sadly it only gets worse and even once better with meds, you often need to eventually adjust dose or add another med or change meds.
Yikes, that's what I meant.
What meds? I assume, an antidepressant?
There has been recent research establishing that psychedelics work wonders on rumination and treatment resistant depression, with zero side effects like the many that come with typical psych meds.
If you’re in the DC area where therapists can legally offer this option to clients, you might want to look into it if you mom has an open mind. Watch the most recent episode of PBS’s Nova for an overview of the science. The effects are truly miraculous in some patients - one good trip and they can be uplifted and free of depression/rumination/addictive behavior for months or even years.
Anonymous
10/25/2022 16:09
Subject: Mom's Rumination
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's so common and so stressful. First off. I'm thinking maybe you mean she is with you half the year and not that she is in her 70s for half the year :)?
The only thing we found that worked was meds and then boundaries. Let her doctor know how bad the rumination is and how it making people dislike being around her. Don't sugar coat. You want the doctor to take it very seriously. Maybe brainstorm what might help to get her to agree to meds. Sadly it only gets worse and even once better with meds, you often need to eventually adjust dose or add another med or change meds.
Yikes, that's what I meant.
What meds? I assume, an antidepressant?
An antidepressant that targets obsessiveness or an anti-anxiety drug-doctor can help you figure it out. When anxiety gets really extreme sometimes they need an anti-psychotic.
Anonymous
10/25/2022 12:37
Subject: Mom's Rumination
Anonymous wrote:It's so common and so stressful. First off. I'm thinking maybe you mean she is with you half the year and not that she is in her 70s for half the year :)?
The only thing we found that worked was meds and then boundaries. Let her doctor know how bad the rumination is and how it making people dislike being around her. Don't sugar coat. You want the doctor to take it very seriously. Maybe brainstorm what might help to get her to agree to meds. Sadly it only gets worse and even once better with meds, you often need to eventually adjust dose or add another med or change meds.
Yikes, that's what I meant.
What meds? I assume, an antidepressant?
Anonymous
10/25/2022 10:26
Subject: Mom's Rumination
It's so common and so stressful. First off. I'm thinking maybe you mean she is with you half the year and not that she is in her 70s for half the year 
?
The only thing we found that worked was meds and then boundaries. Let her doctor know how bad the rumination is and how it making people dislike being around her. Don't sugar coat. You want the doctor to take it very seriously. Maybe brainstorm what might help to get her to agree to meds. Sadly it only gets worse and even once better with meds, you often need to eventually adjust dose or add another med or change meds.
?
The only thing we found that worked was meds and then boundaries. Let her doctor know how bad the rumination is and how it making people dislike being around her. Don't sugar coat. You want the doctor to take it very seriously. Maybe brainstorm what might help to get her to agree to meds. Sadly it only gets worse and even once better with meds, you often need to eventually adjust dose or add another med or change meds.
Anonymous
10/25/2022 10:14
Subject: Mom's Rumination
My mom is in her 70s for about 6 months out of the year.
She constantly ruminates and it is depressing.
Her brother died 10 years ago, and her sister died last year. She was close to both siblings so I realize it's difficult. Last week, I asked whether she would like us to do something special in honor of her siblings such as volunteer to help the elderly, donate money to the food bank, or whatever would be meaningful to her. My mom loves to help people. I was trying to help her divert her mental energy into something positive that focuses on her siblings. Both her siblings were kind and I think it would be great to give something back in their honor. She was somewhat interested in that but then went right back to the rumination.
A few days ago, DC told me grandma's conversations were stressful and scary. When DC and my mom are together, my mom tells her about her own mother's Alzheimer's disease which was awful. Instead of framing it as something was wrong with my mom's brain, etc., she tells my DD that her mom "went crazy" in the end, that her mom once thought her niece was trying to break-in the house, and threw a heavy chair at her, and tells DD that she shouldn't be scared if one day grandma starts acting like that. I explained to my mom that DD is an anxious child and these conversations were difficult for her to process. My mom then goes on, "are you surprised your child is anxious? Look how much you shelter them from bad things that happen to people." I reminded her that I was candid with my children when their grandpa was dying. I didn't sugar coat it but that you need to explain situations to children taking their emotional social development in mind, that the conversations you have with a 14 year old is different than an 9 year old.
DH is now also stressed out saying that my mom's ruminations and constant discussions about everything bad that happened to her loved ones is depressing everyone in the house.
She constantly ruminates and it is depressing.
Her brother died 10 years ago, and her sister died last year. She was close to both siblings so I realize it's difficult. Last week, I asked whether she would like us to do something special in honor of her siblings such as volunteer to help the elderly, donate money to the food bank, or whatever would be meaningful to her. My mom loves to help people. I was trying to help her divert her mental energy into something positive that focuses on her siblings. Both her siblings were kind and I think it would be great to give something back in their honor. She was somewhat interested in that but then went right back to the rumination.
A few days ago, DC told me grandma's conversations were stressful and scary. When DC and my mom are together, my mom tells her about her own mother's Alzheimer's disease which was awful. Instead of framing it as something was wrong with my mom's brain, etc., she tells my DD that her mom "went crazy" in the end, that her mom once thought her niece was trying to break-in the house, and threw a heavy chair at her, and tells DD that she shouldn't be scared if one day grandma starts acting like that. I explained to my mom that DD is an anxious child and these conversations were difficult for her to process. My mom then goes on, "are you surprised your child is anxious? Look how much you shelter them from bad things that happen to people." I reminded her that I was candid with my children when their grandpa was dying. I didn't sugar coat it but that you need to explain situations to children taking their emotional social development in mind, that the conversations you have with a 14 year old is different than an 9 year old.
DH is now also stressed out saying that my mom's ruminations and constant discussions about everything bad that happened to her loved ones is depressing everyone in the house.