Honestly I don’t think I mommy tracked myself. I think my husband and his job (biglaw partner) did it for me. I wanted our careers to take equal footing but it didn’t work out that way. I’m not bitter about it, but it wasn’t really my choice.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, of course. Women were sold a myth that we could have it all. It was a lie. To be a good parent, you must scale back on work. You can’t do both. I cut back and changed career trajectory. I am with my kids out the door to school and when they get home. So happy about that

This is the one thing I plan to really talk to my daughters about (I.e. certain professions are easier for when you have kids, timing of children, it really does matter how much your DH helps, exc...)

Anonymous wrote:Depends what you call mommy tracking.

For example among my friends, most of us of both genders left biglaw after a few years because we wanted better work-life balance. That was before any of us had kids and some still don't and don't plan to.

I think mommy tracking is a pejorative term that encompasses a lot of choices. If I make $300k for a WFH job where I am viewed as an expert in my field, am I "mommy tracking" because I'm not trying to be the CEO and I'm happy with my current schedule?

This is me. I’m 35 and have two kids. I make close to $300K and WFH FT. My husband makes slightly more and needs to be in the office 4/week and travels. I want to have a third kid and plan to keep working. Would not consider going back to an office unless I was doubling my salary. I want to be home for my kids (we have a FT nanny and they are in preschool, but it would be harder if a parent wasn’t home) but mostly I want to have less stress, go for a run in the middle of the day, and hang out with my dogs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To answer questions, almost all. Except one who put career above all else and she’s in middle of divorce. Kids started therapy. Crap situation

Yeah, that's totally because of her job.

#mama
#winemom
#boymom
#full-timemom
#myjobismommy
#Ilistmyjobashousemanageronlinkedin

It was 100% the job. She didn’t like the work balance job so moved for a more prestigious job with no time for family. Kids on 7th nanny now. 2nd marriage in collapse. When career is the only thing that matters, all else will fail

Don't be so dramatic. Her marriage failed. That's it. I'm sure she's still rich. Her kids are still alive and in school. And some of the happiest families I know have their entire collection of kids in therapy and at in-patient treatment centers. Luck of draw - you can't predict your kids mental health.

This is an interesting question but for me, it's all over the map. I can't document all of my friends, but here are the first few that I thought of because they have kids a similar age (throwing myself in the mix without saying which is me cause why not):

1. High profile marketing exec who quit working and became a SAHM. DH is a Big Law partner and there is really not room in their marriage for another big job. She doesn't really want to go back to another high pressure gig, though she would like to return to work now that kids are in school. She's torn about what though, so for now she's still a SAHM (and great at it, as she was at her job). One kid and probably done.

2. Corporate consultant at executive level, did not quit and has maintained the same job level. Did change companies once after having a child because she wanted to move into a role with fewer idiotic deadlines (she does more sales/RFP and fewer deliverables now), but she also hates current job. However I don't see her ever truly mommy tracking. My wish for her is to start her own business because she'd be amazing at it, but she's risk averse. Not mommy tracked. DH also has a fairly high level job but way less stressful, and he is the primary parent for sure. One kid and definitely done.

3. Another corporate consultant at a high level (not quite as high). Has stayed with her firm and continued to work at the same level. The one difference is that she used to regularly take jobs that would require extended stints in other cities or countries (and has lived all over the world), and now she works out of the home office almost exclusively with only occasional client travel. But I would not say she mommy tracked because it has not impacted her level or income, maybe the prestige factor a bit. She was ready for the change. DH has a low-paying non-profit job and while they share things pretty equally, definitely enables her work travel when she does it. Two kids and done.

4. BigLaw attorney who went in house for quality of life reasons related to motherhood. Still works crazy hours, still travels a lot, but likes her job a lot more and importantly, has more independence in her role and therefore can control where and how she works a lot more (i.e. decide for herself which conferences and events to attend, can arrange to work remotely for longer working vacations in the summer, when they've gone to Hawaii or abroad for a month at a time). Her DH works in government but I honestly don't think he takes the lead on much and wouldn't be surprised if they got divorced. This friend is like a superstar -- she does it all and she does it all well. I truly don't know how she does it -- amazing work ethic and fantastic attitude about everything. Three kids and done.

5. Journalist previously working for pub with an international profile. Went freelance after having first with intention of returning to salaried gig after having second, but had lots of infertility issues and then Covid hit. They've stopped trying for number two and decided to be happy for one, and my friend has stopped talking about going back to a FT position. She's the only one I'd say has mommy tracked, though I really think it had more to do with the stress and burnout from infertility and Covid than with being a mom. She's for sure the primary parent in their family and really makes the most of her time with her kid -- I think she doesn't want to go back full-time because she knows this is her one chance at motherhood and she doesn't want to miss anything. She still works though even won an award last year. But her work sounds pretty part time. I think she's going to write a book in the next few years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To answer questions, almost all. Except one who put career above all else and she’s in middle of divorce. Kids started therapy. Crap situation

Yeah, that's totally because of her job.

#mama
#winemom
#boymom
#full-timemom
#myjobismommy
#Ilistmyjobashousemanageronlinkedin

It was 100% the job. She didn’t like the work balance job so moved for a more prestigious job with no time for family. Kids on 7th nanny now. 2nd marriage in collapse. When career is the only thing that matters, all else will fail

Anonymous wrote:Out of my close friend group of 6:

3 women stayed home after child number 2

1 woman has maintained her career as a hospital based physician (3 kids)

2 women (including me) have ramped up our careers and are now VP/ SVP level while our husbands have much lower paying jobs. I have 3 kids and my friend has two.

It is great to recognize the diversity of choices available.

Out of my close friend group of 6:

3 women stayed home after child number 2

1 woman has maintained her career as a hospital based physician (3 kids)

2 women (including me) have ramped up our careers and are now VP/ SVP level while our husbands have much lower paying jobs. I have 3 kids and my friend has two.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, of course. Women were sold a myth that we could have it all. It was a lie. To be a good parent, you must scale back on work. You can’t do both. I cut back and changed career trajectory. I am with my kids out the door to school and when they get home. So happy about that

This will probably ring hollow for women, but I'm a man, and to be a good dad, I can't go balls to the wall with work either. And I happily choose my family and children. Bless those who choose their families as the priority.

Depends what you call mommy tracking.

For example among my friends, most of us of both genders left biglaw after a few years because we wanted better work-life balance. That was before any of us had kids and some still don't and don't plan to.

I think mommy tracking is a pejorative term that encompasses a lot of choices. If I make $300k for a WFH job where I am viewed as an expert in my field, am I "mommy tracking" because I'm not trying to be the CEO and I'm happy with my current schedule?

Anonymous wrote:To answer questions, almost all. Except one who put career above all else and she’s in middle of divorce. Kids started therapy. Crap situation

Yeah, that's totally because of her job.

#mama
#winemom
#boymom
#full-timemom
#myjobismommy
#Ilistmyjobashousemanageronlinkedin

I have 8 good friends from graduate school. Here are our stats:

2 - unmarried, one is an exec at a global company, the other has a small business
1 - married, child-free by choice, has a small business
2 - married, 2 kids, good careers, married to spouses with good careers - one couple is way more successful than the other one, but all are doing well financially
3 - married, 2+ kids, don't work because of husbands who (1) ER Doc, (2) Travels constantly, and (3) has job that moves the family frequently (including overseas). Of those three, two of them had successful careers before having children, the third only worked for a year before having their first kid.

To answer questions, almost all. Except one who put career above all else and she’s in middle of divorce. Kids started therapy. Crap situation

Yes, of course. Women were sold a myth that we could have it all. It was a lie. To be a good parent, you must scale back on work. You can’t do both. I cut back and changed career trajectory. I am with my kids out the door to school and when they get home. So happy about that

Of the 7 college friends with whom I have kept in close touch, all of us have "mommy tracked" ourselves while our spouses work full time for more pay and benefits. Since we became friends before any of us were thinking about children or work/life balance, we are clearly not friends merely because we made similar choices.

Have most of your friends made work/life balance choices similar to your choices? What percentage of married/partnered mothers have stepped back from their careers?