Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop trying to force it!

Then she will never learn. There are tons of impolite teens and twentysomethings whose parents never forced it.

A 6 year old is hardly a teen. You are incredible ignorant and thoughtless with your knees jerk comment.

Anonymous wrote:You're going to get a lot of responses about social anxiety and leaving her alone and not pushing things. I'm going to totally disagree with all of that. It's not going to help hr in the long run, and it will in fact hurt her. We all have to sometimes be pushed out of our comfort zone until it is no longer out of our comfort zone. Sometimes that starts young. I had the same issue with my son.

We just kept reinforcing it, insisting on it. Eye contact. Respond to people when spoken to. Telling him it doesn't count when he isn't loud enough for others to hear. What was cute at 3 is not acceptable at 6, 12, 16.

He's 17 now, and while he is never going to be one to walk up to a stranger to start a conversation, he is polite enough to look people in the eye, respond, be courteous to anyone who initiates a conversation (within reason of course).

Weird

Anonymous wrote:Leave your child alone, he is young and you will only aggravate the situation. He will get it as he ages. Leave him alone

All of this. The parents harping on the situation wil cause harm

Anonymous wrote:Leave your child alone, he is young and you will only aggravate the situation. He will get it as he ages. Leave him alone

No they won't, they'll think it's ok to do as they please.

Anonymous wrote:Stop trying to force it!

Then she will never learn. There are tons of impolite teens and twentysomethings whose parents never forced it.

She's pretty young. My six yo is very confident, but gets a quiet voice with new adults. How is she with her teacher(s)?

You're going to get a lot of responses about social anxiety and leaving her alone and not pushing things. I'm going to totally disagree with all of that. It's not going to help hr in the long run, and it will in fact hurt her. We all have to sometimes be pushed out of our comfort zone until it is no longer out of our comfort zone. Sometimes that starts young. I had the same issue with my son.

We just kept reinforcing it, insisting on it. Eye contact. Respond to people when spoken to. Telling him it doesn't count when he isn't loud enough for others to hear. What was cute at 3 is not acceptable at 6, 12, 16.

He's 17 now, and while he is never going to be one to walk up to a stranger to start a conversation, he is polite enough to look people in the eye, respond, be courteous to anyone who initiates a conversation (within reason of course).

Stop trying to force it!

Also, you are right not to belabor it in front of other people; that will actually make it harder for her, and she will begin to anticipate that every encounter with an adult will become an uncomfortable, drawn out grilling in manners.

Kids can learn from repeated interactions and behavior modeling.

I am VERY soft spoken, so its been hard for me to learn throughout my life that it doesn't count if I say "thank you" quietly and no one hears it. If they don't hear you say "thank you" or "excuse me" or whatever, it's the same as not saying it - others are still going to think you are rude.

So when one of my kids says it quietly, I have them repeat it until they are heard. "Say it so they can hear you" gets repeated ad nauseum.

Leave your child alone, he is young and you will only aggravate the situation. He will get it as he ages. Leave him alone

I think you're doing the right thing for her age and her temperament. No one expects 6 year olds to be effortlessly polite and charming, and people give shy kids a lot of leeway. I would not reprimand her if she's not answering because she's nervous (different if it's a bratty mood and not shyness). But I would be effusive in my praise when she made an attempt or answered without too much prompting.

The more she does it the less nerve-wracking it will be. This comes with time, but I think getting punished for not mastering the skill yet would make her more nervous around strange adults and exacerbate the problem.

Just keep teaching and know that doing it out of habit takes time for all kids. Positive reinforcement works.

The adults around you should also understand this is a process. If they don't, the problem is them, not your child.

Alana seems to be feeling a bit shy today. We’re working on it. She’s six; how old is your son?

Spin off from earlier thread. My 6 year old is shy and hates talking to adults. We force her to say “thank you,” but she usually says it softly while looking down. We role play answering questions like “how are you?” with “good, thank you, how are you?” But she has never implemented this in real life.

What else can we do to raise a polite kid while also accepting the fact that she is shy? Should we reprimand when she doesn’t answer adults? Or should we just not make a big deal of it. Right now, we kind of wait for her to answer and then, before it gets too awkward, we answer for her. So, for example, an adult will say “how old are you” and my kid will freeze or just look down. I’ll repeat the question “honey, she asked how old you are.” If there’s still no answer, I’ll answer for her or say something like “are you 10?!” Sometimes she’ll laugh and then give the right answer. The whole thing is awkward and annoying. The person who asked the question doesn’t care and certainly doesn’t want to sit through our routine. I need a better system to encourage her to look at adults and answer them! And also to be spontaneously polite!