Anonymous wrote:Different area, but the AL facility that I looked at for my dad you could have people come in to help, but no live-in help was allowed.

If you are in an AL you don’t need live in help. Depending on their needs, AL might be enough. But if they need a little more help, 4hrs/day for 2-3 times a week might be enough to bathe them, set up their medications box, and some light housekeeping.

When my parents first needed an aide, they were there for 4 hours a day (while living in IL), 5 days a week. It was a giant improvement on their quality of life.

Different area, but the AL facility that I looked at for my dad you could have people come in to help, but no live-in help was allowed.

Anonymous wrote:What is aging in place? So sorry this is happening. Seems like assisted living and an aide is a lot of money. What places would people recommend?

I am so salty when it comes to this. It's aging until the end in your own home. I have a parent who insisted on this while she had full cognitive capacity in part because she buried her head in the sand about how poorly her own parents aged. She let her sibling do all the work and it pretty much killed her sibling even with tons of hired help. It is incredibly unrealistic unless you age well and have a ranch style home that is totally set up for aging issues. The worst part is my mother just rots at home. Her social network has dwindled into nothing and she is angry and hostile.The brain needs social interaction where you are forced to use social skills. Bossing around family members and throwing tantrums does not help the brain function properly. At a facility is easier to make sure they consistently take meds (including mood stabilizing meds) and they get that vital peer interaction even if means a peer saying "Don't talk to me like that!"The beautiful thing is when they form friendships at these facilities and get that little spark again and they see it like college dorm life for the aging. One of my autns aged backwards once she was surrounded by peers and making friends and didn't have to worry about meals and cleaning.

OP _. I would look for a place that has AL and skilled nursing as he is likely to need the enhanced medical services and it would be better for him to stay within the same community: See what the levels of care in the AL offer fir one needs bathing assistance and uses a wheel chair. I take it you need an aide to go with him to dialysis. You will also see if he qualifies for AL and perhaps just calling a place will educate you on your options.

I just realized you said ‘live in aide’. That is going to be a tall order. And as someone mentioned earlier, they won’t work 24/7.
For my parents, they had 4 caregivers. 2 worked 12hour shifts (7-7) M-F. And 2 more worked 12 hour shifts on the weekend. For one person, it was $25, but just increased to $27/hour. That’s over $4,500 per week.

It probably would be cheaper to move into IL and have someone there 4-8 hours a day. They could bath him, make a few meals, do laundry, and get him to dialysis. Or maybe AL and pay an aide 4 hours 2-3 times a week.

I cannot imagine either of your plans working. Even a live in is only going to work so many days a week and so many hours a day. So you’d need 4-5 aides to cover a week plus more for vacations and so be time. And his care needs are too great for AL.

Can he transfer to a wheel chair and use the bathroom independently? If not, he will need nursing home care or a 1:1 aid.

He’d need a nursing home for that level of care.

Depending on where you live, as I think it makes it better to visit and monitor the care, Riderwood is nice and so is Collington in Mitchellville. I also like some of the Brightviews, especially near Annapolis Mall and Edgewater. Toured a few for my mom.

My mom’s aide stole her jewelry. I would go with assisted living where there are more checks and balances and supervision.

Anonymous wrote:What is aging in place? So sorry this is happening. Seems like assisted living and an aide is a lot of money. What places would people recommend?

Aging in place is staying in your home. Which if you are healthy and spry is great. But as you age and your mobility declines, it gets harder and harder to age in place. People (usually their kids) have to pick up the slack. And the elderly person has no idea how inconvenient that is. Or they think the neighbors and church members will do it. They might do it occasionally, but they aren’t going to take you to numerous doctor appointments and weekly grocery store run.
Or it happens when the children don’t live nearby and it turns into having to fly and stay for weeks every time there is an emergency.

What is aging in place? So sorry this is happening. Seems like assisted living and an aide is a lot of money. What places would people recommend?

I would do AL with an aide and make sure there are other step there as needed so you don't have to do another major move. It makes a difference to be engaging with peers. Aging in place has been hell on earth for us. The services that sell you the moon and insist there is never a no show are full of sh&t and you will be stuck filling in at a moment's notice which seems like no big deal until it happens dozens of times and dad has slowly declined from totally with it and a delight into an angry and miserable person who isn't getting proper interaction with peers.

My friend’s grandma loved Riderwood. She was cognitively with it right until the end close to age 90.

My father is 81 and is on dialysis. He has a full time aide in NY, but is going to move here to Maryland. He needs to be bathed and can't walk, but he is cognitively completely with it, so a nursing home isn't quite right. We are deciding between getting him an apt and a live in aide, or an assisted living place with extra care? Does anyone know about Leisure World, Ryder wood or even places like Sunrise etc. Would appreciate any ideas. Thanks so much!