Anonymous wrote:Gifts are always optional, unless you say “no gifts.”

this

Just don’t say anything.

Yes, gift optional is the same as just saying nothing.

We've always gotten at least 1 or 2 gifts, even with a no gifts request.

Anonymous wrote:I always want to write that but I end up writing nothing.

I have also wanted to request no gifts or used toy but it sounded weird to write. One friend once asked for books used or new. I ended up giving a bunch of gently used books and also bought a gift.

I think it is generally better to write nothing and then answer if people ask.

Maybe from an etiquette standard, but as a parent I very much appreciate when the invite is specific about no gifts. I would feel very awkward asking directly if I am supposed to bring one. Because it makes it sounds like I'm trying to get out of it.

I always want to write that but I end up writing nothing.

I have also wanted to request no gifts or used toy but it sounded weird to write. One friend once asked for books used or new. I ended up giving a bunch of gently used books and also bought a gift.

I think it is generally better to write nothing and then answer if people ask.

Anonymous wrote:All my attempts to have a "no gifts please" party result in getting a couple people who bring one anyway.

This is true. Had twenty kids at our last "no gifts please" party and got 8 gifts.

I've pondered this every birthday party, OP. Best I could come up with was "no gift necessary" but somehow it still felt wrong/too presumptuous, and I never actually used it.

I understand official etiquette is to not mention gifts at all because it's presumptuous. But then you will definitely get gifts from 100% of attendees. Frankly, I think even putting "no gifts necessary" probably would result in still getting gifts from 99% because who wants to be the one to say, Nah, a gift isn't necessary for you, birthday kid.

I used to worry about my kids being sad or missing out on the experience of opening gifts at their parties (I mean, I got to as a kid, and LOVED it of course). So, we did one or two early parties where I didn't specify "no gifts" and frankly we are still recovering from the onslaught of toys/stuff that resulted. No Gift parties are so common in our circles that at this point, I don't think my kids even recognize presents from friends/classmates as a "thing" and I am now firmly in the no gift camp. Also, they get a good amount from us, grandparents, and other assorted relatives so they still get the present experience.

Anonymous wrote:No, either say no gifts, or say nothing at all.

This.

Gifts are always optional, unless you say “no gifts.”

Say nothing. Let people do what they want.

No, either say no gifts, or say nothing at all.

Just don't invite so many kids.

No. I think it's either "no gifts please" or you say nothing at all, and assume most will bring a gift. Maybe if in your circle most don't, then if you omit any language most will continue not to do so?

I agree that it would be nice to get gifts from only half of the attendees, but there's really no way to do that. And people feel awkward if others bring a gift and they don't. And then if you're doing thank you cards and your daughter says "why didn't so and so bring me a gift" it's also awkward.

The only way to handle is to say nothing at all and let everyone make their own decision.

All my attempts to have a "no gifts please" party result in getting a couple people who bring one anyway.

My daughter is very excited about the potential of birthday presents at her birthday party next month In past years we have said "no gifts please," as have almost all of the other families in our circle. We definitely do not need gifts from every attendee, and especially do not want to make the families who we didn't give gifts to at their parties feel obligated to bring a gift. But my daughter would be excited to receive a few gifts, and I'm not opposed to it if I can figure out a way to handle it on the invites to make clear it's truly and totally optional. Is there any way to do that?