OP: Please trust yourself. No one on an online forum can tell you whether you're paranoid or not! And what's the worst outcome here - that you've paid to have extra support for your child? Assuming you can afford it, you have only provided positive benefits for your kiddo. Perhaps your kid doesn't need it, but that's okay. Also, don't worry about what other kids can or can't do. I know that's easier said than done, but they are developing on their own trajectories, just as your little one is developing on hers. Your therapists are the ones who can best advise on whether support continues to be necessary or what changes you should make. Hugs.

I think you're paranoid.

Did the OT give her hand strengthening exercises? That's all she should be doing now. Don't even worry about actually holding a pencil yet.

--preschool teacher

Anonymous wrote:Op here. The child is not bilingual, and she has IEP services after we got her evaluated. I am suspicious that she has ADD & HFA because it runs in DH's family, but so far there is no concern or diagnosis by developmental pediatrican. She talks below average, and her fine motor skill could be better ( eg pencil grip, button). I just pray for that she is a late bloomer. Daycare teacher knows that we have services and support, and they say she can still catch up at this young age and tell me that every kid develops at different rate.

It seems like we are the only familiy have contacted early intervention and private therapies at my DD classroom even though I see some kids are similar to her. Yes, I am worried, but I am not perfectionist.

Under what category did she qualify for an IEP? Was it solely speech and language impairment? Did the school have concerns that she'd meet the autism category? If she is developing and increasing skills, albeit slowly, she's probably on her own developmental timeline regardless of diagnoses. It's good you have an IEP in place now, it'll help prepare her for kindergarten readiness and, if she still qualifies 3 years from now, will help support her in the classroom. Some parents take a wait and see approach with their child and then have to seek help once the child enters elementary school when it becomes more obvious and teachers suggest evaluation. It sounds like you're doing all the right things--stop comparing your daughter to others (I say this as a special needs mom--it's really hard!), trying to diagnose other children, or wishing she will become more "typical." Get to know her strengths and support those, and implement the strategies at home that your therapists suggest (which I'm sure you're already doing).

How do you know there are other kids with delays? The parents have said their children are delayed? My kids were very verbal but wouldn't say much in front of anyone they didn't know very well. They would say only a word here or there in front of other parents.

I think you need to focus less on other kids. Maybe the other parents are being lax. Maybe their kids don't need the help. It's hard to tell, but in either case, it doesn't change what you should do for your own child.

If you have gotten her evaluated and have supports in place then I would wait and see. You’re doing all the right things.

Op here. The child is not bilingual, and she has IEP services after we got her evaluated. I am suspicious that she has ADD & HFA because it runs in DH's family, but so far there is no concern or diagnosis by developmental pediatrican. She talks below average, and her fine motor skill could be better ( eg pencil grip, button). I just pray for that she is a late bloomer. Daycare teacher knows that we have services and support, and they say she can still catch up at this young age and tell me that every kid develops at different rate.

It seems like we are the only familiy have contacted early intervention and private therapies at my DD classroom even though I see some kids are similar to her. Yes, I am worried, but I am not perfectionist.

Did you contact your county early intervention with your concerns?

Is your child bilingual?

I wouldn't worry about the pencil grip for another year.

I would be concerned about the language issues and your are right to private pay speech therapy. We did it at that age.

Didn’t the SLP and PT do evals? What is the diagnosis? If you are worried about developmental delays or learning challenges call up your local child find office through the public school. They’ll determine if she qualifies for an evaluation and the eval will help determine whether she qualified for an an individualized education plan or IEP. It’s free and if after evaluation they determine she needs an IEP, they’ll provide services like speech and OT for free. My DD is 3 and on the spectrum and has an IEP. She has a moderate expressive language delay and the public school speech therapist comes to her private preschool to provide weekly therapy.

Not sure what you mean about no diagnosis. A speech delay is a diagnosis. Ask your the SLP and OT if the skills your child has now are developmentally appropriate. They will work with your child however long you want.

Why do you want a 3 yr old to hold a pencil? That's not developmentally appropriate. She should be holding thick writing implements. Fat crayons. Not skinny pencils.

+1 on what do her therapists think, but as you’re paying them and some therapists are happy to feed into insecurities, I’d also ask what her teachers think.

What are your goals? To have her at an age appropriate level? To learn how to manage on her own?

I’d also probably stop comparing her to other kids, and y8self to other parents. Kids develop at different levels, for different things.

what do her therapists think? I don't think holding a pencil at age 3 is a particularly age-appropriate skill so no, I wouldn't worry about that. Not talking much could be more about personality than ability to talk. Is she showing signs of frustration that she can't get her point across?

It's not possible to say whether you're too paranoid or the other parents are too laid back. Of course, it's possible that both are true. Are you an anxious/perfectionist person in other areas of your life?

I got my 3 year old to see weekly private speech & OT therapy even though she has no diagnosis. She has speech delay and her fine motor skill could be better on holding pencil. I used to worry that she couldn't talk, now I am worried that she does not talk much. It is interesting that I see some kids in her daycare do not talk as much as her, but their parents do not seem to be worried. I have talked to them, and they have asked me why my kid has extra person on the side sometime. I sometimes send her therapist to the daycare.

So am I too paranoid or are other parents too laid back? Her daycare and weekly therapies cost me $30k a year. She can talk in some sentences and some phrases now, but I am still worried with many supports and help.