Anonymous
09/29/2022 15:14
Subject: What’s it like loving an avoidant?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The more you show them love, the more they withdraw. So the only way to feel reciprocal love is to pull back. It’s tiring.
It's SO tiring. It also always has to be on their terms - the expression and amount expressed. My SO knows it's difficult though, so he is very appreciative that I stick with him. He also has some fears from growing up that seem to make him test me - like he wants to really be sure I won't leave him or stop loving him. Took a long time to understand that this wasn't about me but his comfort with intense feelings and fear of losing control.
Avoidant attachment styles stem from neglect/abuse in childhood. They are directly related.
What about those that are attracted to avoidants?
Could be the same
But also could be independent and empaths. As the former you don’t need a ton of attention or handholding, you’re quite capable. As an empath you give the benefit of the doubt for bad behavior, possibly too much. As both you might miss the patterns and signals or keep trying to make it work or trying to accommodate. But you’ll realize sooner than others, something is majorly wrong. But that might be a matter of years and a marriage or kid later…
Anonymous
09/29/2022 13:37
Subject: What’s it like loving an avoidant?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The more you show them love, the more they withdraw. So the only way to feel reciprocal love is to pull back. It’s tiring.
It's SO tiring. It also always has to be on their terms - the expression and amount expressed. My SO knows it's difficult though, so he is very appreciative that I stick with him. He also has some fears from growing up that seem to make him test me - like he wants to really be sure I won't leave him or stop loving him. Took a long time to understand that this wasn't about me but his comfort with intense feelings and fear of losing control.
Avoidant attachment styles stem from neglect/abuse in childhood. They are directly related.
What about those that are attracted to avoidants?
Anonymous
09/29/2022 11:24
Subject: What’s it like loving an avoidant?
Anonymous wrote:Anyone love an avoidant? What’s you’re experience like?
In the long term like marriage? It’s lonely and depressing. You will lose yourself.
Anonymous
09/29/2022 10:24
Subject: What’s it like loving an avoidant?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The more you show them love, the more they withdraw. So the only way to feel reciprocal love is to pull back. It’s tiring.
It's SO tiring. It also always has to be on their terms - the expression and amount expressed. My SO knows it's difficult though, so he is very appreciative that I stick with him. He also has some fears from growing up that seem to make him test me - like he wants to really be sure I won't leave him or stop loving him. Took a long time to understand that this wasn't about me but his comfort with intense feelings and fear of losing control.
Avoidant attachment styles stem from neglect/abuse in childhood. They are directly related.
Anonymous
09/29/2022 10:23
Subject: What’s it like loving an avoidant?
This book helps you learn your own attachment style and how to deal with a partner/family member's style. Its been very helpful to me (I'm avoidant, partner is anxious): https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1641523557/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
For those new to this, here's a quick summary:
https://www.npr.org/2022/02/09/1079587715/whats-your-attachment-style-quiz
For those new to this, here's a quick summary:
https://www.npr.org/2022/02/09/1079587715/whats-your-attachment-style-quiz
Anonymous
09/29/2022 10:21
Subject: Re:What’s it like loving an avoidant?
There's a lot of work involved but the avoidant has to make all that work worthwhile.
Anonymous
09/29/2022 10:21
Subject: Re:What’s it like loving an avoidant?
OP here. For those of you who are married, was the road leading up to engagement rocky? Or potentially drawn out to you?
Anonymous
09/29/2022 09:43
Subject: What’s it like loving an avoidant?
There have been a lot of big ups and downs. Fortunately, SO has enough self-awareness and has put a lot of effort into getting therapy and working on herself, and identifying her triggers. We’re on a good path now.
Anonymous
09/29/2022 08:08
Subject: What’s it like loving an avoidant?
It can be exciting while dating, but with the ups and downs of life it becomes unsustainable.
Anonymous
09/29/2022 07:11
Subject: What’s it like loving an avoidant?
Anonymous wrote:The more you show them love, the more they withdraw. So the only way to feel reciprocal love is to pull back. It’s tiring.
It's SO tiring. It also always has to be on their terms - the expression and amount expressed. My SO knows it's difficult though, so he is very appreciative that I stick with him. He also has some fears from growing up that seem to make him test me - like he wants to really be sure I won't leave him or stop loving him. Took a long time to understand that this wasn't about me but his comfort with intense feelings and fear of losing control.
Anonymous
09/29/2022 07:06
Subject: What’s it like loving an avoidant?
Oh my goodness what is this? Comments above describe my husband!
Anonymous
09/29/2022 06:10
Subject: What’s it like loving an avoidant?
The more you show them love, the more they withdraw. So the only way to feel reciprocal love is to pull back. It’s tiring.
Anonymous
09/29/2022 06:09
Subject: Re:What’s it like loving an avoidant?
Hot & cold - when it's hot it's great but the cold is awful. I have learned though to not react at the swinging moods and that helps. I know that he needs to work things out for himself to calm his emotions or make them more manageable internally. I have a lot of patience now lol.
Anonymous
09/29/2022 05:38
Subject: What’s it like loving an avoidant?
Not pleasant to be honest. I feel like I’m walking on egg shells too often. Sucks up a lot of energy. She’s also missing a lot of common sense too.
Anonymous
09/29/2022 00:52
Subject: What’s it like loving an avoidant?
Anyone love an avoidant? What’s you’re experience like?