Anonymous wrote:Sounds great, OP. Before AND after care is exhausting. Your poor children don't need more if they don't want it. If *they* request an activity, then certainly, try one.

And re sports - good for him. Americans are obsessed with kids' sports to a most unwholesome degree. Reading and board games are a much smarter way to engage them.

Agree. I do think some sports are good and necessary from a physical fitness and health aspect. But travel team, etc., no. And a your kids definitely do not need additional play dates. School and before/after school care is plenty of together time with other kids. I would not fill weekends with play dates and hate play dates in general.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds nice. Appreciate what you have.

It sounds to me like she has a lazy DH who does little with his kids. She mentions that he doesn't play with the kids and he sleeps in. He doesn't plan activities on the weekend for the family to do. I would read that as she is picking up caring for the kids and planning things while he is not doing anything.

I would not appreciate that in the least bit.

There is this thing called balance. You can let each kid choose one activity so that they have something that they enjoy doing outside of school. But the idea that the kids are chill at home while Dad doesn't sound like the reality.

He sounds a little lazy and selfish*, but overall his plan is fine.

But there is a big difference between ECs and birthday parties.

His preferences are not a reason for your kids to lack social skills, fun, and friends.



*and honestly, this worries me in the long-term

I think it's a balance. I do think most kids get the socialization they need at school and aftercare. It's a lot of time with friends. Kids, and especially young kids, really do need quality family time AND unstructured downtime. It sounds like your DH might be pushing back on being overscheduled and I would give him a hearing because depending on how much you are doing, it really might be overwhelming the family (and as a member of the family, his feelings about it matter -- if he personally feels over scheduled, that matters).

The stuff you describe him doing with the kids sounds like great quality time. If he's not into sports, he doesn't have to play them with your kids. I don't. I will go for walks/hikes with mine but I don't want to go kick a soccer ball around, it's just not my thing and I'll spend the whole time looking forward to it being over. That's not quality time for anyone. But if he loves reading books, playing games, and watching movies with them, he sounds like an involved and loving parent. That's great.

Also, I really treasure quiet weekends with the family at home. It is quality time to me, even on those days when we are all doing our own thing. We do schedule stuff on the weekends sometimes (swim classes, sometimes we have ballet recitals, and we'll get together with friends a couple weekends a month), but I love just waking up with nowhere to be and hanging out in our pajamas all morning while the kids play. Sometimes we'll make pancakes or biscuits or something. Sometimes I'll do art with the kids. Then we'll head to a playground or park or go hiking in the afternoon, then come home and make dinner together. It's a relaxed day and we all recharge and get lots of rest. I love it.

I assume from your wording that you disagree, but what do your kids think? Do they want to do activities? Are you able to do that? As they get older, I’ve found more activities are after school, so one of you is going to have to drive them around (you I assume, if you prioritize). It is hard to tell if you think the kids need more activities to keep up with other families, for socialization, ??? Also consider that down time at home on weekends, since they don’t really have any during the week, gives them time to learn to entertain themselves and help out around the house. 2 thinks I find sorely lacking in a lot of kids in my kids’ class.

1. Are your kids asking for more planned activities? If so, maybe let them choose one each.

2. There should be some parties and playdates but it's reasonable to put a cap on how many for family sanity.

3. I don't get the point of your last paragraph. You're mad your husband wants to play boardgames/read books/take the kids to the playground rather than play specific sports with them? If you think it's important that they play those sports, i guess you'll have to teach them yourself.

Anonymous wrote:My DH thinks that our kids do not really need to go to playdate, parties, classes etc since they have beforecare + school + aftercare (7am to 6pm Mon to Fri). He does not think they need any other planned activities, and weekend is supposed to be family time. And, his family time meaning kids playing with themselves on weekend morning and he is sleeping till 11am , and we family may go out to eat lunch or do grocery shopping/playground afterwards.


I have never seen him playing any sports (basketball, soccer or swimming etc) with our kids, and he says because it is because he does not care about those sports. However, he is willing to read them some books, play board game with them, take them to playground in the afternoon (because he is not a morning person), or we all watch family movie together. He calls this family time.

pP again.

Same dynamic here, no talking or coaching or teaching moments. Easier to watch a movie or read a book aloud. No thinking or connection or real interaction needed. Very hands off. We have daughters so I have to compensate for the lack of social skills from one parent. We have created many orbits of friends now in later elementary, but my anti-social spouse still cannt name half their friends or parents they’ve had for five years.

My spouse grew up overseas in a homebody house doing no sports or clubs or group socialization. It overwhelmed the parents so everyone stayed home. A piano teacher only came by and they’d hang out in the music shop.

Luckily a guidance counselor IDd him as very book smart and ushered him through the whole college process straight into his own alma mater. Turns out that same counselor correctly ID’d the whole family as aspergers and was a real connection for him.

If you sense that is what’s driving things (ie lack of interest, constant introversion) you will have to be that lifelong solo guidance counselor to your family and children.

I see your DH's point. We try to aim for a happy medium of activities during the week plus lots of family time on the weekend. Parents around here tend to overschedule their kids IMO. It's hard to avoid falling into that trap. There's a whole thread on here about parents having FOMO when it comes to their kids. But it depends on your kids, too. Mine need downtime on the weekends because the weekdays are so busy. I find that my kids are pretty creative and self-sufficient when they have unscheduled time at home.

Also, what's stopping you from playing sports with your kids if your DH doesn't? I got my kids into swimming, and I'll go out and throw a baseball, shoot hoops or kick a soccer ball with them.

I think he needs to connect with the kids however fits him, and the kids do seem to have long days. They should go to parties and have some play dates, because that’s part of developing social skills and making friends.

Sounds great, OP. Before AND after care is exhausting. Your poor children don't need more if they don't want it. If *they* request an activity, then certainly, try one.

And re sports - good for him. Americans are obsessed with kids' sports to a most unwholesome degree. Reading and board games are a much smarter way to engage them.

It does seem like a very long day for your kids and probably for you too. The kids would want to relax once home from aftercare. I don’t blame your DH.

Given that the kids are gone for 11 hours during the week, could see why he feels that way. Its refreshing that he wants to spend time with them on weekend and think its good for kids to have unstructured/down time. That said, if your kids are invited to a birthday party, playdate, I wouldn't turn it down. Similarly, if they're interested in a particular activity, say swim, then maybe let them try it. Balance is good!

Sounds nice. Appreciate what you have.

My DH thinks that our kids do not really need to go to playdate, parties, classes etc since they have beforecare + school + aftercare (7am to 6pm Mon to Fri). He does not think they need any other planned activities, and weekend is supposed to be family time. And, his family time meaning kids playing with themselves on weekend morning and he is sleeping till 11am , and we family may go out to eat lunch or do grocery shopping/playground afterwards.


I have never seen him playing any sports (basketball, soccer or swimming etc) with our kids, and he says because it is because he does not care about those sports. However, he is willing to read them some books, play board game with them, take them to playground in the afternoon (because he is not a morning person), or we all watch family movie together. He calls this family time.